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Didn't expect this to happen to me!

CaraFae37CaraFae37
First Comment First Anniversary
in September 2013 Weddings
After reading account after account of how brides regret their bridal party choices because they were made too early my fiance and I decided that we are going to wait until the first of the year before we make any choices. We have an idea of who we would like and all but I just figured that I could go solo for a little bit and that would be just fine and dandy with everyone.

Well apparently I was wrong...

Today I went for a walk with one of my cousins that I have always had a good relationship with. When we were done with our walk we were standing by my car and she out of the blue said "I'm in your bridal party right? To which I quickly responded with my automated answer "We have not asked anyone to be in our bridal party yet."

But then she went on to say that she couldn't believe that I hadn't asked her yet and how if she wasn't asked she would be really hurt and how she would expect this out of our other cousin but not me...

I tried to explain to her why we hadn't chosen but she continued to try and guilt me into an answer. Our coversation ended with her telling me that if she wasn't chosen that she would probably still come.

Probably?!

Needless to say my feelings are really hurt :(

So does anyone have any advice on what I should/say if it comes up again? To be honest she is not by first pick even though we are fairly close. 
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Re: Didn't expect this to happen to me!

  • Honeybee685Honeybee685 member
    First Comment
    That really stinks!  I'm sorry you got pushed into an uncomfortable spot.

    If she brings it up again, stick with your original plan and tell her you and your FI have decided to choose attendants later- it's definitely a responsible plan!  Remind her that you have a lot of special people in your life to consider for your BM's.  And remind her that your day wouldn't be complete without her presence.If you're pretty close with her maybe she can do a reading or perform a song during the ceremony.

    You're lucky you have close family who are already asking to be in your BP- I'm a little envious!
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  • bluebfalobluebfalo member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited October 2012
    You're fine reiterating your plan... it's the decision you and FI have made.

    I think there's a lot of expectation from friends and family... and unfortunately we can't accomodate everyone. As they are our friends and family they know us and though they are caught up with the wedding excitement... I think they will understand the choices we make.
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  • Jlp818Jlp818 member
    Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Ugh the same thing happen to us!  I was under a lot of pressure to choose my bridesmaids right away and I caved.  FI stood his ground about waiting (for the most part). 

    You did the right thing.  Stand by your decision.  You never know how relationships will change.   All you can do is explain that you want to wait to choose your wedding party until January.  If they don't respect your choices then that is on them.  Try changing the subject.
     
    Try something like this:
    Her: "Oh have you chosen your bridal party????"
    You: No, not yet.  FI and I have made the decision to wait until January.  Have you seen the new Brad Pitt movie???  He is sooo hot!




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  • BostonGIrl4732BostonGIrl4732 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I don't think you are at fault here at all.  In fact, it was really rude of her to even bring it up.  She's an adult (I'm assuming) and the adult thing to do is wait.  Stick to your guns!  You made a good plan and you should stick with it!

    I on the other hand asked all my bridemains already.  I'm regretting that now.  I wish I had waited.
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  • MandiNewMommyMandiNewMommy
    First Comment
    Wow that takes some balls!  That would make me think twice if I was planning on having her in my wedding.  Sounds like she will be drama.  IT IS YOUR DAY!  So if you want to wait till 3 months before the wedding to ask people to be apart of it so be it (no I wouldnt really wait that long but you know what I mean) 
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  • jessica2244jessica2244
    First Anniversary First Comment
    WOW that is so incredibly rude!!! i'm so sorry that happened to you! she has NO RIGHT to say such things! it's not HER wedding, it's YOURS! UGH!! people are so irritating regarding weddings!
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  • CaraFae37CaraFae37
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Wow! Thanks for the responce! Needless to say that I feel a lot better knowing that my line of thinking was along the same lines as other brides.

    It really hurt my feelings because we've always had a good relationship eventhough she has spent her life popping in and out of mine. She's 21 btw.

    I talked to my mom about it and she was not pleased. That side of the family has a history of pressuring people into making family members a part of weddings so people don't get their feelings hurt. Unfortunately for all of those types of people I am not a push over. At. All.

    I'm sure this will spark some lovely controversies over the next few months but I am ready for 'em!

    Thanks again ladies!
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