Trying to be patient

Re: Trying to be patient

• alanna91 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Hi there!
  
  IMO, If he just asked your opinion on e-rings six short months ago, that's not a very long period of time. Some girls on here knew their SO had the ring for almost a year before they proposed.
  
  That being said, this is definitely something you need to sit down with him and talk about. I'm not talking about "*foot stomp*, I wan't a proposal NOW!" but you need to let him know where you stand on this. You have clear, understandable, and justified reasons to why you'd like to get married within the next few years. You need to make sure you're on the same page so that you're not so eagerly awaiting a proposal and getting more upset as the time goes on. You want to be able to enjoy your relationship to the fullest
  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• COSmitty

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks Alanna,

  
  

  I have been very clear with him. He knows my internal timelines and why (and yes, he did ask what age I'd like little ones and knows it's coming fast). I know sometimes guys need certain milestones in thier lives in order to be ready for marraige and I'm hoping he's there. 

  
  

  . I just want to have him share my life in person on a daily basis and be my husband. . I just need to not give him a hard time so figured this would be a better place to say it ;-)

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• DanieKA member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_trying-patient?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:061b77a7-a673-4425-ad69-eeba16faade1Post:95ab49dd-f792-416d-a88a-eae0d6ccccea">Re: Trying to be patient</a>:
  [QUOTE] <strong><em>You have clear, understandable, and justified reasons to why you'd like to get married within the next few years. You need to make sure you're on the same page so that you're not so eagerly awaiting a proposal and getting more upset as the time goes on.</em></strong> You want to be able to enjoy your relationship to the fullest :)
  Posted by alanna91[/QUOTE]<div>
  Welcome and this! I completely see where you are coming from. And while the impatience might garner a side eye from someone else, I get what stage of life you are at. It's not the same as a 22 year old being impatient. That's just real life. You are in a completely different position and you know what you'd like in your life and there's nothing wrong with being clear about that. </div><div>
  </div><div>I'm thinking he may be slower, not because he doesn't want the same things as you but because you are only his second serious relationship. I'm thinking that might have something to do with his reluctance to "pull the trigger" so to speak. Of course he could just be setting up the ultra perfect proposal and getting you a huge ring, but honestly, there comes a point, at least for me, as I got older I wanted less of the shiny, sparkly, over the top, throw a disney parade to be engaged type of thing. I'm just looking for some sincere words, and commitment. Sexiest. Thing. Ever. Tell me you love me and that you want to spend the rest of your days with me. </div><div>
  </div><div>Sometimes I think guys over-think it, or try to impress too much. And maybe the girl wants that, so there's pressure. Or the group they run in consists of a bunch of Joneses one upping one another. But in the end, I think talking about goals and timelines (not the same as ultimatums or "Marry me or else") is key. Again, you do have valid concerns if you want to have a family and I get not wanting to move in without the ring. Sounds like you guys are almost on the same page and just need some conversations to close the gap. Good luck and keep us posted!</div>

  Report0 Reply
• heyimbren member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I think some guys just seem to act slower than others, and slow than the girls they're with would like them too.
  
  It sounds like you have been communicating with him and clear about why it's important to you, and that's wonderful.
  
  Has he vocalized any reason why he seems to be taking things slower? And here's another question- how long are you willing to wait? You don't need to tell him that, but I think it's something to personally look into and ask yourself so you have a good idea of where you stand. Because it sounds to me like he just needs some more time. He may not understand exactly why you feel impatient about this. I noticed with my BF and I that we look at long-term plans differently, and we had to talk about that to really understand where the other person was coming from.
  
  Also, he may ver well already have an idea in his head of when he's going to propose (or he might not have that planned out yet, who knows!) but that's the point; he knows and you don't. Which is one reason why it makes it harder for you to wait and he may be less impatient.

  Report0 Reply
• ohnoitskaroljo

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  It's SO hard to be patient. I completely relate in that aspect. And while you're a bit older than me (I'm 28) I understand being at a stage in your life where you feel like you NEED to get a move on with things. For me it's that I have a 5 year old daughter and I NEVER wanted my children so far apart in age the way me and my only sibling are. My brother is 6 years older than me and so I was essentially like an only child. So of course I want more children NOW, so I wanna get married NOW since I don't wanna do the whole child out of wedlock thing again. Just hate the idea of Cheyenne having to help raise her younger siblings, I've seen that destroy people (my sister in law especially, her folks had 3 more kids while her and her brother were in their early teens! now she doesn't want kids AT ALL while my brother wanted lots of babies!!!) and I don't want that to destroy my daughter.

  
  

  I don't really have advice, but I can comiserate lol. Just wanted to say you're definitely not alone!!

  

  Report0 Reply
• AlexxApplePiee

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I do understand where your coming from although I'm much younger than pretty much everyone here. I understand the talk of the ring cause me and my SO had the same talk after we were dating for a year. I got a promise ring which I was extremely happy with but now were at a different stage where we are thinking about moving in together, and talking long term. We've talked about engagement but he's been through it before so he's taking it easy to make sure this time it won't turn out like his last one. I mean, I understand waiting a little while but I'm with you on the not moving in unless theres a ring!

  

  Report0 Reply
• COSmitty

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks girls-

  We have talked as to his slower moving mentality.  essentially he wants everything figured out before he pulls the trigger and I think going through those (and other discussions) we've gone over everything I could ever think of that could be challenging to sort through... before ever moving in ;-) He is very logical minded (which is great).

  
  

  As for my timeline- it's coming up sooner than later at which time ring or not I want the agreement to be engaged. Personally, I just want to be moving towards married. Yes, I want a wedding and all but I'm not 25 anymore and more than anything I just want to share our lives. So I think in reading this board instead of focusing on an ultimatum I'll go for a proactive agreement.  None of my friends have ever gone through this so I appreciate the listening ears :-)

  V

  Report0 Reply
• heyimbren member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_trying-patient?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:061b77a7-a673-4425-ad69-eeba16faade1Post:8c500bb5-fb6d-43f0-95a9-be2473b008d8">Re: Trying to be patient</a>:
  [QUOTE]Thanks girls- We have talked as to his slower moving mentality. First it was no knowing how to evaluate relationships and how to make decisions like that- so we went through reading a book together and worked through a workbook... things like chores, expectations, myths of marriage (a lot like the Catholic Evenings for Engaged program), then is was how would my stuff fit in the house- so I helped him organize things around his house and we talked through ideas... essentially he wants everything figured out before he pulls the trigger and I think going through those (and other discussions) we've gone over everything I could ever think of that could be challenging to sort through... before ever moving in ;-) He is very logical minded (which is great). <strong>As for my timeline- it's coming up sooner than later at which time ring or not I want the agreement to be engaged.</strong> Personally, I just want to be moving towards married. Yes, I want a wedding and all but I'm not 25 anymore and more than anything I just want to share our lives.<strong> So I think in reading this board instead of focusing on an ultimatum I'll go for a proactive agreement.</strong>  None of my friends have ever gone through this so I appreciate the listening ears :-) V
  Posted by COSmitty[/QUOTE]
  
  I think that's great that you're not going to give an ultimatum. But do you know if he's on board with agreeing to be engaged (which is basically engaged without a ring, and that's fantastic too!) within that timeline?

  Report0 Reply
• COSmitty

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Well as to him being okay with the timelines in my life- either he is willing to be married or not. It's about being at the same place at the same time sharing a vision of the future.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply