MOH/BM issues, sort of. Need some advice :)

cpm1223 · March 2012

I talked to my two MOHs last night, over the phone to see how they were doing. We got to talking about the shower/b-party and I asked if all of the BMs were getting along and feeling good about everything. My two MOHs are young-ish (24/25), and they've never been in a wedding before let alone be a MOH.

Well they both, separately, told me that one BM (who has been in weddings and is married) is being kind of a control freak and has sort of shot down some of their ideas for the shower and they're feeling like they have no say in anything shower related. They really want to make sure that this doesn't happen with the b-party so I told them that I was so sorry and that they need to stick up for themselves and not let her walk all over them....but can I do anything else?!?

I'd love to tell BM to quit controlling everything, but then she'll know that the two MOHs talked to me about her....so I can't do that. I'm not sure if I can do anything but tell BM that MOH & MOH really want to take over the b-party plans and to just let them go with it!

knottieeafa1bb2d69fa208 · March 2012

What if you just had a chat with that BM along the same lines as the MOHs? Just calling to check in and how things are going. Maybe she'll open up and say something about the situation and you can offer some encouraging words about how you know it's your MOHs first time in a wedding and you hope things are going well.

LuckyHeather · March 2012

I agree with PP. Talk to the BM about how she feels the planning is going. You might get a completely different story. Especially if she is married and has been through showers herself. You never know, maybe she will tell you the MOHs are being “immature” or planning something rediculous that she doesn't think you will like.

I also agree with you that it’s their job to work it out, you shouldn’t try to fix it for them. They need to communicate.

mandi921vh · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_mohbm-issues-sort-of-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:e7c08a3e-a791-4848-90cf-a2a356aea5d9Post:3dff872a-2832-456c-bb5c-08c4614b530b">MOH/BM issues, sort of. Need some advice :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I talked to my two MOHs last night, over the phone to see how they were doing. We got to talking about the shower/b-party and I asked if all of the BMs were getting along and feeling good about everything. My two MOHs are young-ish (24/25), and they've never been in a wedding before let alone be a MOH. Well they both, separately, told me that one BM (who has been in weddings and is married) is being kind of a control freak and has sort of shot down some of their ideas for the shower and they're feeling like they have no say in anything shower related. They really want to make sure that this doesn't happen with the b-party so I told them that I was so sorry and that they need to stick up for themselves and not let her walk all over them....but can I do anything else?!? <strong>I'd love to tell BM to quit controlling everything, but then she'll know that the two MOHs talked to me about her....so I can't do that.</strong> I'm not sure if I can do anything but tell BM that MOH & MOH really want to take over the b-party plans and to just let them go with it!
Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">Honestly, I don't think your MOHs should have told you because now if you do something the BM will know they told. Also they shouldn't be bothering you with BM drama like this. I would just leave it alone and have them deal with it.</div></div>

cpm1223 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_mohbm-issues-sort-of-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:e7c08a3e-a791-4848-90cf-a2a356aea5d9Post:1c77f6fc-26f0-4d71-ac58-f8a86af5437a">Re: MOH/BM issues, sort of. Need some advice :)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to MOH/BM issues, sort of. Need some advice :) : Honestly, I don't think your MOHs should have told you because now if you do something the BM will know they told. <strong>Also they shouldn't be bothering you with BM drama like this. I</strong> would just leave it alone and have them deal with it.
Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

Well thats the thing....I kind of asked and made them tell me! I know that this one BM has the tendency to be controlling (opinionated I should say) and I just wanted to know if she was doing anything like this to them.

I'm not going to say anything about it to her, but I might call and ask how things are going and see if she has any issues....

I might say something like "MOH & MOH are really excited to plan the b-party because I've been talking to them about it for years!"

gpapale1 · March 2012

I agree with mandi. Let them deal with it, it's not really your place to step in...unless you want to step on someone's toes or hurt someone's feelings. It's fine to ask her how things are going, but I wouldn't push it if she says everything is fine.

littleshrink · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_mohbm-issues-sort-of-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:e7c08a3e-a791-4848-90cf-a2a356aea5d9Post:9d79ea13-2989-4129-8914-59dc8603f1dc">Re: MOH/BM issues, sort of. Need some advice :)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH/BM issues, sort of. Need some advice :) : Well thats the thing....I kind of asked and made them tell me! I know that this one BM has the tendency to be controlling (opinionated I should say) and I just wanted to know if she was doing anything like this to them. I'm not going to say anything about it to her, but I might call and ask how things are going and <strong>see if she has any issues....</strong> <strong>I might say something like "MOH & MOH are really excited to plan the b-party because I've been talking to them about it for years!"
</strong>Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't do that if I were you. You are stepping into territory you don't want to be in. Honestly these are big girls and they can figure it out and work it out themselves. This is one party that you really aren't the one in charge off, sorry. You're treading a danger zone!

AurorasEnvy · March 2012

I think you already did everything you should have - told the MOHs to stick up for themselves. Maybe for the b-party they can come up with an idea, and stick together on stay firm on it - 2 beats 1 =] I wouldn't mention anything else.

caitlinc09 · March 2012

Totally agree with aurorasenvy. You have done all you need to, and I think you did the right thing telling them to stick up for themselves. No need to make for unhappy BMs

good luck, I hope the girls can work things out!

MOH/BM issues, sort of. Need some advice :)

Re: MOH/BM issues, sort of. Need some advice :)

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