I'm Lost....

ltaylor713 · February 2013

So it's about time for us to start looking at potential officiants for the ceremony. I have no clue where to start. Neither of us are religious, there are a million JPs out there, and I'm struggling to even envision what our ceremony will include, other than the vows. I talked to FI, he suggested we ask my dad or his dad, who are both ministers, but I'd rather they just get to experience the ceremony as guests. I'm not really sure what to look for in a JP. Pretty much anyone can read a basic ceremony. Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do for your ceremony and how did you choose your officiant? Thanks!

misssunshine17 · February 2013

This may sound curt, but what worked for my FI & I isn't going to be what works for you. Honestly, I think the most meaningful would be to have your fathers do the ceremony. If not, what about a friend or family member? If I was going JOP, I would start by asking other newly married couples that had JOP weddings how their officient was.

As for what goes in the ceremony, if you just want to say your vows, that is perfectly fine. Just be aware that this will be very short. Reading and unity ceremonies will lengthen the ceremony. I'm personally not into the unity things since that's the purpose of the whole ceremony, so it seems redundant to me.

ltaylor713 · February 2013

Yeah I'm not a huge fan of the unity candle thing either, seems a little corny. You're right though, it's really a personal thing so I get that what you did wouldn't necessarily work for us. I think we will have to sit down and really discuss what we want our ceremony to include and then maybe it'd be easier to pick someone.

NOLAbridealmost · February 2013

If your dads are both ministers, don't they know other ministers who might do a nice job? If you want a religious ceremony, I'd start by asking your dads if they know anyone good (I think wanting them to enjoy the ceremony from the sidelines is a valid preference).

If you want something secular, try going to the local board and asking other Knotties for recommendations.

For my part, I knew I wanted a secular ceremony. I had a friend recommend a particular judge with a reputation as "The Love Judge" because she does beautiful weddings and decorates her courtroom with roses for Valentine's Day weddings. We hired her to come on location for our outdoor ceremony and she was great.

ltaylor713 · February 2013

Hmmm yeah maybe we will ask them if they can recommend anyone. I'm not super keen on a religious ceremony, because we aren't religious and I feel like it would be fake for us to do it that way. But I think some ministers, like a unitarian one, would work with us to have a spiritual component without being geared toward a specific denomination. Thanks for your input!

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

If you are going the non-religious route, treat it like you would any other vendor. You can literally Google for officiants in your area. Most have informational sites up telling you what ceremonies they perform.

Call them on the phone, talk to them to see if first impressions are nice, then meet with them in person (interview them). Again, like a vendor.

It worked really well for me, although we did end up deciding to go the religious route at the end to make the family happy and to incorporate an old family friend into the ceremony. The officiant that I found using the above method was a really nice lady that donated half the proceeds to the local humane society. I really liked her style too, and feel that if we had used her, it would have gone well.

mlg78 · February 2013

I find it interesting you'd rather have the fathers experience the wedding as guests. I'll bet if you asked them they'd both love to perform the ceremony. If I were in your shoes I don't know that I could imagine anyone else fill those shoes. To each their own...

Lisa50 · February 2013

I'd recommend you and your FI think a little more about what you want the ceremony to be, how you'd like it to go and then start your research on officiants who fit the bill in your area. Your reception venue coordinator may have some recommendations, as your other vendors (photographer, baker, florist) might. Or, do you have any friends who are JPs or judges that might be able to officiate?

We were lucky. Even though H and I are both Catholic, we chose not marry in the Church, so had quite a decision to make. My cousin is a minister; we asked her to officiate our ceremony. She was happy to lead there ceremony exactly as we wished. It was wonderful.

ltaylor713 · February 2013

In Response to Re:I'm Lost....:[QUOTE]I find it interesting you'd rather have the fathers experience the wedding as guests. nbsp;I'll bet if you asked them they'd both love to perform the ceremony. nbsp;If I were in your shoes I don't know that I could imagine anyone else fill those shoes. nbsp;To each their own... Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

I'm sure they would love to perform the ceremony, and it is an option we are still considering, but I'm hesitant to ask them. FI likes the idea but I just feel weird about it. Honestly I'm not that close to my dad...but thanks everyone for the input. We have a lot to think about.

LDubHawksFan · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_im-lost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:d18ae032-7f83-4ee9-96cd-a0e0da5cc399Post:1b6e067a-c7a0-4422-9da4-bff98b9abc5e">Re:I'm Lost....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I'm Lost....: I'm sure they would love to perform the ceremony, and it is an option we are still considering, but I'm hesitant to ask them. FI likes the idea but I just feel weird about it. Honestly I'm not that close to my dad...but thanks everyone for the input. We have a lot to think about.
Posted by ltaylor713[/QUOTE]

I think if your FI likes the idea, and he is close with his father who is a minister, you should revisit why you don't like the idea....because that seems like a logical choice. As for what your ceremony should be like, H & I didn't have much idea until we met with our minister, but there are definitely books you can find to help. I didn't like the unity candle either, and I have much divorce in my family, so we did a wine box ceremony instead and our minister mentioned how relationships are hard and require work. Other than that, we wanted it to be pretty short, so no readings either. Good luck!!

ltaylor713 · February 2013

If we're being completely honest here, I think I'm more worried about my mom's reaction to my dad officiating the wedding. They are divorced and she is super jealous of everything related to him...also she is super jealous of FI's parents. But maybe I can have her walk me down the aisle or something if the dads do the ceremony?

This is where I'm conflicted, because on one hand it's her issues, not mine, but on the other hand I want her to feel happy and included. But you are right, lwoehlk, FI likes the idea, and it's about both of us, so really I should be able to compromise and not worry so much about things I can't necessarily control.

I'm Lost....

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