Overwhelmed. You?

likeadeadstar · February 2012

I was really ahead of the game in wedding planning for a very long time, and having had all my checks taken care of for the last while, I haven't yet had to really sink into wedding planning mode... until now. I got the "OMG you're only this many months away!" email and saw things I didn't have done yet and freaked.

My FMIL is amazing - I no longer speak to my own mother due to long-term abuse and her refusal to act to change her ways - and she really is the mom I want and need. But she's thinking of moving to Vancouver this summer and so she's on, like, overdrive to do as much as possible with me before she goes. She's going crazy grabbing materials for the centrepieces and such and I'm like, "I just want to mock one up first, know exactly what I need and go from there". Every day, she calls asking about materials, or silk flowers, or... well, you know. Tonight, she called asking if I needed my FSIL to help with anything like painting tea sets (Alice In Wonderland theme) and baking them or something? I'm just.... gah.

On top of all this planning, I'm having to change banks because they're screwing me over, juggling field placement and planning a two hour facilitation I'm being graded on (and I have social phobia, so imagine the fun!) and trying to find a job before I graduate in April and I have five courses from March to April to complete.... It's SO much.

I'm so overwhelmed, and while I am beyond grateful for the help and support, I kinda just want them all to STOP with wedding stuff until my reading week.... but then, I can't really, because we have deadlines to meet!

Anyone else feeling swamped? How the hell do I manage this?

Thanks for the vent; only you understand. I'm the first to marry among my friends and oldest sibling/cousin, so...

FutureMzHayden · February 2012

I am extremely overwhelmed and like you I just realized that I have so many months, and weeks remaining with SO much today. Not only that but I am in school as well and the FI is overseas until next month.

One thing that I've found to be helpful is my organizer... It keeps me on track with school work and wedding deadlines. Oh and a glass of wine does the trick most nights!!

wineo929 · February 2012

First step- deep breaths!

Second step- speak up! I had the same type of thing with my FMIL and eventually I just told her I needed a break from it all because it was very overwhelming. She felt really bad because she genuinely didn't realize how overwhelming it was. It may help to talk it out!

And we're always here to listen to (well, read technically) any and all vents

Everything will come together!!

mamameech · February 2012

I'm feeling overwhelmed this week but it's not just the wedding stuff; it's a combination of stressers that are pushing me to my breaking point. I started a new class that is frustrating the hell outta me and wasting my time, some issues are work are getting under my skin, I have to meet with my son's teacher this week to discuss some behaviour issues, and to top it off, a dear friend passed away this week. Of course, I'm not sleeping which is only adding to my stress and exhaustion. It sucks to feel like you're drowning or like you just can't keep up.

Deep breaths are good and so are priority lists. When I get overwhelmed, I write all the things I need to do and set my priorities; then I tackle one thing at a time. As I check them off, the stress tends to ease off. I find tackling the one that's gonna suck the most first makes it better too; if I just leave that one on the list, it just looms over the other to-dos :P

Katiesue04 · February 2012

Yes I am very overwhelmed, it seems like if I am not doing school work I am doing wedding planning, last weekend I met with my flower lady, and it was great but then she threw a whole bunch on me asking me what type of chair covers I wanted what table cloths I wanted and then she said you can do the napkins however you like too, you can put them in the wine glasses, you can fan them over your plate, you can hang them off the table, REALLY?!? There just napkins lol!

jessa1228 · February 2012

Definitely prioritize and make lists. To me, your school work and job placement come before wedding planning, so I would focus on those the most. Since your FMIL is so eager to help, maybe you should give her a few WR things to accomplish?

CowgirlK39 · February 2012

I am so glad someone posted this because I was thinking the exact same thing yesterday. I am so overwhelmed. We have so much left to do, and i have no time to do it. FI isn't working as steadily as we had hoped because his boss's company is just getting going again (long story). I can't take time off from either of my jobs due to the fact they are both very swamped with work and I can't afford to take time off. So wedding stuff isn't getting done. My FMIL asks me every damn day "how's the wedding planning going?" and I tell her every day "Its not going." I just don't have the time for it.

I think I'll follow all the PP's advice. Thanks for posting this, deadstar.

volleygurl0306 · February 2012

I hear ya, girl! I work full-time, go to school part-time and have the wedding planning. FI leaves for a seasonal job on Sunday and will not be back until 3 weeks before our wedding. He has been a huge help and it is so much easier to get him to make a decision when he's in front of me so I'm freaking out! Last week I had my first exam and while I was trying to study my mom thought it was make a mock up centerpiece time. So when I didn't seem too excited she got kinda hurt until I explained. I told her I really appreciate the help but my exam is more pressing for the moment and could we play with this in a week or so when I had a little more time. I suggest saying something similar to your FMIL. I also would set some time frames. On a daily basis tell her you will be studying from (just illustrating) 3pm-7pm everyday, and from 7-8 you can take a break to talk wedding with her. This would be a good break for you mentally and will kep her from interrupting you when you are focused. Also, I know you want her help before she moves, but things like centerpieces only have a deadline the day before the wedding. If you have the vendors booked that you should be now, relax your deadlines a little since school and a job are so important. The ladies on here, despite being weeks apart on our wedding days, are all different so no way any of us will be doing the exact same things all the time. Some ladies work a couple jobs, some have kids, some have nothing to do but wedding plan. Or even, I was originally supposed to get married in March (would have been around the 5 week mark right now...jeez) so I had some things done maybe even too early once we switched the date. Go at a pace that fits your lifestyle. You have help which is wonderful but just prioritize and take things in baby steps and you'll befine!

jacquiroxx · February 2012

I am beyond overwhelmed. I have been having wedding nightmares just about every night- and they aren't the funny, cutesy ones anymore. Things are going seriously bad in them and it's adding to the stress.

I have too much to do and no money to do it with. I desperately need a job that will pay me more

I should have started invitations back in December, but haven't had the money to order the paper. We still don't have a caterer. Nevermind little details- we haven't even considered that stuff yet.

SO stressed.

lbarr088 · February 2012

I am not overwhelmed... well, yet anyways. I tend to be a procrastinator and I have a bunch of the big things done, tried some DIY stuff and I'm like eh no rush no worries. I bet it will hit me 2-3 months out. I am such a bad procrastinator. I should start doing things now!

URIsweethearts · February 2012

I am feeling better today...I got some things done this past weekend and have mapped out Feb for things that need to be done. I want to look for a new job - but I think I will wait to really dive into it until after the wedding. my job is fine now - kinda slow and I dont really like it - but at least its not totally stressful so I dont feel burnt at both ends. luckily I am out of school. the thing that I find that is the most annoying now is following up with vendors for example, the car ppl for their quote, invitiation lady, etc. when they say they will get you an estimate within a certain time - it would be nice if they did! i have mostly all the vendors booked with the exception of those mentioned and a few apmts that are made but we havent gone on them yet - tuxes, linens, etc. i go back and forth between how i feel about the planning -some times im like this is fun and then others (more often) im like i want this to be over! im still glad we didnt hire a planner though - i want the control and i am way too organized and probably would have ended up firing them haha

Tandra&Devin · February 2012

Definitely feeling the crunch! Not as much as I'm sure I will this summer, but the reality is starting to hit. I already moved my wedding back a whole year since I couldn't get everything together last year (I graduated in May), so I'm being hard on myself. The worst part is that I'm self-employed and my much-needed discipline is waning, so if I don't get it together my paycheck is going to suffer and...gah!

NO2012 · February 2012

Yes!! I won't hash out all of my stress here right now because it will just get me worked up all over again.

But I totally identify. Where is your FI in all of this as far as helping out, even if it is just for moral support and being a sounding board? Up until about a month ago, I felt like I had most everything under control and FI had been a wonderful sounding board for months and that is really all I needed him for (I sought his input on decisions of course). But this last month I felt like I was really going off the rails and I finally had to say the words to him "I need your help." I made him a list of things he could take care of that had been hanging over my head (i.e., engagement ring insurance, wedding insurance, confirming RD venue, etc.). Even though in the grand scheme of things those tasks really aren't monumental, just knowing he is there and helping really did something for my state of mind. Also, just talk to your FMIL about being overwhelmed. I am sure she will adjust her approach to helping so it doesn't make it worse for you. Good luck!

morenachica110 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_overwhelmed-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:b7861bb3-3ca6-4c95-84d2-c8580e020212Post:aeefe0d2-c7f1-4e84-a8de-0ff1741bdd39">Re: Overwhelmed. You?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am beyond overwhelmed. I have been having wedding nightmares just about every night- and they aren't the funny, cutesy ones anymore. Things are going seriously bad in them and it's adding to the stress. I have too much to do and no money to do it with. I desperately need a job that will pay me more :( I should have started invitations back in December, but haven't had the money to order the paper. We still don't have a caterer. Nevermind little details- we haven't even considered that stuff yet. SO stressed.
Posted by jacquiroxx[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah. We don't have a caterer either and I'm starting to sweat a little. He's an old friend/co-worker of FI's that has won awards. FI talked to him back in (August?) about possibly doing it and he said no problem. Well FI has called him and left a voicemail but no response. I want FI to call him again but that's like pulling teeth. It took 2 months this last time! Argh!</div><div>
</div><div>Yeah, definitely feeling the burn. We're about to book the DJ (hopefully, please God!), we have a cake consult/tasting tomorrow, and I'm almost done with my attire (besides alterations, hair, and makeup)</div><div>
</div><div>Phew! Getting crazy! I can't believe it's almost 7 months <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" /></div>

likeadeadstar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_overwhelmed-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:b7861bb3-3ca6-4c95-84d2-c8580e020212Post:aeefe0d2-c7f1-4e84-a8de-0ff1741bdd39">Re: Overwhelmed. You?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am beyond overwhelmed. I have been having wedding nightmares just about every night- and they aren't the funny, cutesy ones anymore. Things are going seriously bad in them and it's adding to the stress. <strong>I have too much to do and no money to do it with.</strong> I desperately need a job that will pay me more :( I should have started invitations back in December, but haven't had the money to order the paper. We still don't have a caterer. Nevermind little details- we haven't even considered that stuff yet. SO stressed.
Posted by jacquiroxx[/QUOTE]

That's a big one for us, too. We're scraping cash together to buy invites and centrepiece stuff and never even mind my dress, which looks like it will be a custom affair!

I'd focus on the caterer if I were you and leave the invites for now, since the norm is two months before? I'm sending earlier to the out of country guests, but that's April.

Ugh, nightmares? That sucks so hard :( I can't sleep at all anymore, but watch, when I do? I'll have nightmares about centrepieces!

*passes wine*

likeadeadstar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_overwhelmed-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:b7861bb3-3ca6-4c95-84d2-c8580e020212Post:b7bec1a2-a8cb-4105-842d-a30889f618f5">Re: Overwhelmed. You?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes!! I won't hash out all of my stress here right now because it will just get me worked up all over again. ;) But I totally identify. Where is your FI in all of this as far as helping out, even if it is just for moral support and being a sounding board? Up until about a month ago, I felt like I had most everything under control and FI had been a wonderful sounding board for months and that is really all I needed him for (I sought his input on decisions of course). But this last month I felt like I was really going off the rails and I finally had to say the words to him "I need your help." I made him a list of things he could take care of that had been hanging over my head (i.e., engagement ring insurance, wedding insurance, confirming RD venue, etc.). Even though in the grand scheme of things those tasks really aren't monumental, just knowing he is there and helping really did something for my state of mind. Also, just talk to your FMIL about being overwhelmed. I am sure she will adjust her approach to helping so it doesn't make it worse for you. Good luck!
Posted by NO2012[/QUOTE]

FI is working 60-70 hour weeks to pay for the wedding so I can do just school for now and not work. I can't ask him to do anything. He works nights and sleeps days, so it's not like he can make calls around work, you know?

He's a wonderful emotional support, and he even came to Michael's when i went to buy invite kits and flowers and he was patient and didn't complain once. He later said he felt bad I was doing everything and wanted to show support by coming with me and FMIL to the store.

He's also been intervening with his family for me. I told him this morning that I was melting down and though I did tell my FMIL last night that I was not in any frame until the weekend to deal with anything wedding, he put his foot down tonight with her and his sister and said, "Look, she's got two classes finishing up and field placement and she's worn out and really needs to focus on school right now until the end of the month. You need to give her time." I also talked to FSIL too and told her I was so thrilled with her wanting to help, especially since I'm not crafty, but I literally have 100% of one course grade being completed in two weeks and 50% of my grade in another, and I'm also really upset at field placement ending because I LOVE it there (I'm going to bawl on my last day, literally). I suggested my reading week for us to talk wedding in detail. I'm telling FMIL the exact same thing. I just can't manage anything wedding beyond quick emails to arrange engagement photos until then.

Thank you all so much. It's good not to be alone in this, and yes, I need to remember to breathe! I'm addicted to to-do lists in general but I think I need to go one further and schedule wedding planning into my Google Calendar, which runs my life. (If you don't already know, it can TEXT you reminders of things, which I have it do all the time so I don't forget stuff).

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