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FI will have no guests...

btrsweetbtrsweet member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Second Weddings
Hello, everyone!  I have a little bit of a dilemma.  Originally, my FI (his first marriage) and I (my second) were going to have a small DW in Mexico next year (and we still may have one, but in 2014), but two things happened that changed that:  first, my parents (who have become second parents to him as well) and my friends cannot afford to travel, and second, he knows me too well and suggested that we have something locally...he knows I want to celebrate with family and friends.  The problem is, he is right.  I want to have a small but nice wedding celebration with my family and friends around me this time around (last time wasn't so good).  BUT...he is from another country and his family and close friends, who are all back home, wouldn't be able to make it for the wedding.  He insists it is OK that we have the wedding locally, but am I being rediculous?  On the one hand, I know that it's normal to want the wedding that I would like to have, and I know that he wouldn't mind, but would that be weird to have a wedding where it's just all my guests and none for him?  I'm at a loss... :(
Kristi
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Re: FI will have no guests...

  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    NotFroofy and I faced a similar situation.  All of her family is back in the UK, and she is not in contact with them in any event.  What we ended up with was that I invited members of my immediate family, and she chose a few of our joint friends to come for "her" side.
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  • btrsweetbtrsweet member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    That is a cute idea!  We have accumulated some "joint" friends, some of which started out as mine and he won them over ;), and others we met and grew to know together.  I like the idea of "our" friends being "his" guests...that's a good idea, 2dBride!
    Kristi
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2012
    You said that your family has become like a family to him, and that you have a lot of joint friends, so it's not like he won't know anybody at his own wedding :-)

    As for his family and friends at home...have you thought about inviting them to your wedding?  They may not be able to make it, but at least you can invite them.  If he's okay with getting married without his family there (and it sounds like he is) maybe you can do some kind of compromise by planning a trip to see his family soon after the wedding.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited January 2012
    I think that its not uncommon for couples that have families who are continents apart to celebrate with one set of family at the time of the wedding, and then at some point travel to where the other family is.  Often that family will host a small "welcome to the family" party to invite their more extended family & friends to meet the new spouse.  That party can be very simple, a cocktail party at their home, a BBQ, etc., 

    If you host one celebration, do away with the bride's side/ groom's side.  Seat everyone together. ~Donna
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    Don't do bride's side/groom's side.  My coworkers husband is from Guatamala and had no one here but his son.  At the church, we all just sat together.  and of course they had mutual friends so it wasn't like the groom did not know anyone.
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    I think that its not uncommon for couples that have families who are continents apart to celebrate with one set of family at the time of the wedding, and then at some point travel to where the other family is.  Often that family will host a small "welcome to the family" party to invite their more extended family & friends to meet the new spouse.  That party can be very simple, a cocktail party at their home, a BBQ, etc., 

    I was going to respond as Donna did above. While not different countries, I had about 16 family members in California that could not afford to attend. We planned our HM for a trip down the California coast and stayed with my cousin for 2 nights. They had a "mini-reception" at their home in the back yard and we had our wedding pics on a dvd to show them. While not the "same", it was still a celebration of our wedding with family that could not make it.
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  • btrsweetbtrsweet member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    I should have mentioned before- we are planning on going to see his family sometime soon after the wedding...maybe within 6 months or so.  And we are sending them "invites" (something a little different and more keepsake-y) as well.  So I guess we will get time to celebrate with them also. :)

    You all have great ideas!  I honestly never thought about not having "sides".  If we did that, would that eliminate the aisle (we are planning to do it outside or at a place where we could actually place chairs where we want)?  Would we walk in on one side or what would look good?

    Thank you all so much.  I was really worked up about this, and my poor FI is just rolling with the punches, so-to-speak! :)

    Kristi
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  • lnl1025lnl1025
    First Comment
    Just because you dont have a brides side or a grooms side doesnt mean you cant walk down the aisle. Its just a walk way, not a major dividing wall between two sides hahah.  They just seat people wherever there are chairs to sit in. My fiances friends and family make up the majority of our guest list, Ill still walk down an aisle and everyone will end up sitting where they end up sat. No biggie :) have the mutual friends sat on the grooms side and brides family sat on the brides side. or you could have your ushes ask friend or family instead of bride or groom. seat family on one side and friends on the other.
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    We didn't have a brides side or a grooms side... and everyone sat all together at round umbrella tables... The groom and his men entered from the right hand side, the bride and her ladies entered the site from the left.  

    The groom had way more family in attendance than I did, plus we wanted to encourage them to meet and greet at the ceremony. 

    Our wedding was outdoors, and our way of entering the site was unique and fun! We were married in front of a 500 yr old oak tree,  Our guests were talking about our ceremony and reception for months! 
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  • btrsweetbtrsweet member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    Hahaha, I guess that's true, lnl1025--there could still be an aisle. :)  And I like the friend or family idea because we will have about the same amount of each there.  Either way, I think that will work well!

    That sounds really fun and beautiful, MikesAngie!  I have been looking at places locally, and I really like this vineyard that is close to us.  It has a great forest-y area where they do the ceremony, and I think it would be perfect.  But I'm still in the beginning stages since we changed our plans, so we will see, I guess!

    Kristi
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