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My dilemma...

Septemberbride32Septemberbride32 member
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Long story short...This is my second wedding (I don't know if this info. is needed) first for fiancee.  He and his family would like to have a traditional wedding and I'm all for it.  My cousin who got engaged (first wedding for both of them) a week before us set their date and we soon followed suit.  My wedding is about 2 hours away from where my family lives and they will have to travel to be there, which I hadn't heard any complaints about.  My wedding reception is being held outdoors and after some thought we changed our date so our chances of rain are a lot less.  This also coinsides with the availability of our church.  The date we chose is 2 weeks before my cousin's.  We didn't think that it was a big deal but my family is now saying that this is going to hard on their part becasue they have to re-arrange the bridal shower and the various bridal activities they are planning for my cousin because my wedding is so close to theirs (btw, I'm not having any showers or bachlorette parties, ect).  They even said that they're not sure they will be able to stay overnight at my wedding because her wedding is so close.  Does this make sense or am I  stupid for feeling a little jilted?
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Re: My dilemma...

  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Personally, I wouldn't change it. It's not like you are asking guests to fly across country two times in a month. I live 2 hours away from my hometown where the wedding is and have made that trip in one day numerous times (not that they will want to, but it's doable if you make it doable). If some people don't want to travel for both and decline yours, it's something you have to be prepared for, and if it doesn't bother you, keep your date. I think it's selfish of the cousin and/or family to expect you to change yours. If your cousin was on here complaining about you having your wedding two weeks sooner than hers, I'm sure most of us would tell her to get over it, so I don't see how this situation should be different. Guests can choose which wedding to attend and leave you both out of it entirely.


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  • cbratthauercbratthauer member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilemma-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a147b358-49c4-4fd5-a342-5ac37580ff09Post:1bdfd9c0-446a-4a77-8de9-b0152f6a7b8a">Re: My dilemma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I'm with tenofcups on this one.  I get the whole "You get one day!" thing, but I think it's fairly inconsiderate to set a date two weeks before a family member's wedding -- especially if their date was chosen first, and it sounds like it was</strong>.  It places other family members and mutual guests in the uncomfortable position of budgeting the time and money to attend two weddings in a relatively short amount of time.  I don't blame them for being upset with you, OP, or for deciding to prioritize the cousin who was engaged first and set her date first over you.  In fact, that is what I hope they would do, regardless of how many times either of you has been married. Also, with regards to comments made by other PP's: I don't think it's all that unreasonable for the family to have a rough idea of when they want to throw the cousin's shower.  Okay, so maybe they won't have a venue booked and menu chosen this far in advance.  But to know that they want to have the shower a week or two before the wedding and will need to set aside X amount of dollars between now and then to make that happen?  That's very likely. I also suspect that at least some family members may be leaning on the "not enough time" excuse because it's less personal than admitting that the more pertinent issue is money. edit: for clarity.
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. I actually had the SAME exact thing happen to me, my cousin got engaged 3 months after me then set her date 2 weeks after mine (to be honest I was surprised she didn't set it before). While I know it's silly it did kind of hurt my feelings she set it so close to mine. Then when my Mom told her she would not be able to fly back from Alabama for her wedding because of financial reasons and how close it was my cousin flipped out on me and told me to change my date because this was the date that worked for her and she shouldn't have to wait to get married because she was older than I was. THAT is the part that pretty much ticked me off. But it doesn't sound lke you're doing that so that's good! lol. But I know for two of my aunts they didn't know how they were going to do both weddings and had already voiced their concerns. My one aunt has been laid off and can't find work, my other aunt is dealing with my uncle's cancer and it is not cheap. My wedding is 3 hours from them and hers would have been 2, and with gas prices despite what others say it is hard sometimes to afford everything when there are so many other things going on. Well, her and her fiance were only together for 2 months before they got engaged, and the engagement is now off, but I do see where your family is coming from.
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  • VRLVRL
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilemma-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a147b358-49c4-4fd5-a342-5ac37580ff09Post:f81992ec-66d9-4a5f-89a4-ca0b7e63e2ac">Re: My dilemma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm totally prepared for people not coming.  The fact the remains, regardless of whether my family is there or not, that we'll be married.  It's too bad they'll miss it because they'll be too busy getting ready for a wedding 14 days away. If she wants to have her wedding shower the day of my wedding, then that's the way it will have to be.  I'll send a shower gift in the mail. Btw, our origional date was 4 weeks apart and the family was hunky dorey with it.  We only moved it up 2 weeks because the church and our pastor is available and it totally helps in the weather department too.
    Posted by Septemberbride32[/QUOTE]


    This might be because I don't know your area, but I don't see how two weeks is going to save you from the weather.

    Where I live, the weather is going to get you whether you want it to or not!
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilemma-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a147b358-49c4-4fd5-a342-5ac37580ff09Post:96cf1ec5-5afb-42d5-9c52-0a1cbd1d9a3e">Re: My dilemma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, I wouldn't change it. It's not like you are asking guests to fly across country two times in a month. I live 2 hours away from my hometown where the wedding is and have made that trip in one day numerous times (not that they will want to, but it's doable if you make it doable). If some people don't want to travel for both and decline yours, it's something you have to be prepared for, and if it doesn't bother you, keep your date. I think it's selfish of the cousin and/or family to expect you to change yours. If your cousin was on here complaining about you having your wedding two weeks sooner than hers, I'm sure most of us would tell her to get over it, so<strong> I don't see how this situation should be different</strong>. Guests can choose which wedding to attend and leave you both out of it entirely.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    <div>This situation is different because it is the guests, not the other bride, that are complaining.  If it were just the cousins throwing a fit, everyone would tell her to get over it.  But since the actual guests are saying it's inconvenient and they can't/won't come, it's a different story.</div>
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