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What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?

lmpeters83lmpeters83 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
 I am originally from California in the USA and my fiance is from Toronto Canada where we plan to get married. About half of our guests are in town and the other half will be coming from California. We have already sent out Save the Dates for our Fall 2013 wedding thinking it would give people plenty of time to save money and plan their trip. We are finding that not many people do plan to come from out of town. My question is, because the Save the Dates have already gone out we will obviously be sending them formal invitations even though we know they do not plan to come. If we plan a small party back in California for Winter 2013 (about 2-3 months after the wedding) do we include these invites with the wedding invitations? If we include the invite for the California party with the wedding invitation won't in deter California people from coming to the actual wedding?
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Re: What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?

  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-the-etiquette-in-this-destination-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d2dae3c-e169-4bea-9475-f522527a25e7Post:1ebf0819-57fd-44de-a599-eb4c53d52f5c">What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I am originally from California in the USA and my fiance is from Toronto Canada where we plan to get married. About half of our guests are in town and the other half will be coming from California. We have already sent out Save the Dates for our Fall 2013 wedding thinking it would give people plenty of time to save money and plan their trip. We are finding that not many people do plan to come from out of town. My question is, because the Save the Dates have already gone out we will obviously be sending them formal invitations even though we know they do not plan to come. If we plan a small party back in California for Winter 2013 (about 2-3 months after the wedding) do we include these invites with the wedding invitations? If we include the invite for the California party with the wedding invitation won't in deter California people from coming to the actual wedding?

    STD = invitation

    Send them even if you know they won't attend.  You never know.

    The party in California shouldn't be a wedding reception, just a party for friends, no gifts
    Posted by lmpeters83[/QUOTE]
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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    A year and a half is a very long time and lots of stuff will happen between now and then. Just send invites to everyone you sent an STD to.

    In regards to your AHR, send separate invites for that. They're separate events.
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  • lmpeters83lmpeters83 member
    First Comment
    We gave the option of guests to reply "perhaps" on the STD. We sent it out so early because we live in Toronto where dates book up about a year and a half in advance. We honestly did not know how large of a venue to book unless we had some idea of how many OOT guests there would be. Irregardless of that they will still be receiving a formal invitations and they are welcome to change their mind on their formal invitation reply.
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  • raes19raes19 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments

    If you sent out STDs to 150 people then you need a  venue that fits 150 people. If you sent them to 20 people, you need a venue that fits 20. It doesn't matter if people say they can't come now, a lot can change by fall of next year.

    Also, "irregardless" isn't a word.

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  • Laurahan1127Laurahan1127 member
    10 Comments
    I have never heard of a Save the Date that requires a reply. I think that is just supposed to be a courtesy to your guests to let them know when and where your wedding will be earlier than it is ok to send out invitations, not to pressure them to figure out their plans super early and let you know if they are coming. What is the point of a formal invitation if you already asked for an RSVP? Or am I wrong and this is a normal thing to do?
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  • HockeyFan4HockeyFan4 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-the-etiquette-in-this-destination-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d2dae3c-e169-4bea-9475-f522527a25e7Post:4e7e46f2-4e4a-4ddc-81cb-a8e5a41125fc">Re: What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?</a>:
    [QUOTE]"irregardless" isn't a word.
    Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]

    haha one of my H's biggest pet peeves...and one I have picked up  too!

    I am curious in that it seems you had your guests Respond to a STD?
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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    A second party may discourage people from attending the first. Also, 2-3 months is so far apart that it gets strange and confusing including the 2 invitations in 1 envelope. Do separate rounds of invites.
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  • lmpeters83lmpeters83 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    Irregardless is an informal term commonly used in place of regardless or irrespective, which has caused controversy since it first appeared in the early twentieth century. Most dictionaries list it as "nonstandard" or a word which has become socially acceptable. "Nonstandard" means the word is a colloquialism, not "incorrect" or not a word.

    Please be constructive in advising people on wedding questions and not attack grammar. This is an informal message board not a formal report.
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  • raes19raes19 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    Just because it's common doesn't mean it's correct.
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  • lmpeters83lmpeters83 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    We sent out an Evite which allows guests to reply. Like I said we wanted to have an idea of how many OOT guests were planning on coming. The STD was only sent to OOT guests. My husband is Indian and has quite a large family, if we only have 20 people come from my side we are able to invite many more people from his side. If all of my family does plan on coming then we will only invite his first cousins. His side of the family was not included on the STD. 
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  • lmpeters83lmpeters83 member
    First Comment
    Are you being serious? Why are you starting an argument about grammar when I am asking about invitations for a wedding? Its a colloquialism meaning it is found in common language. A message board on a wedding website is considered common language. If you don't have advice on the question posted then please go find another poster's grammar to correct. 
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  • ChicagoRachChicagoRach member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-the-etiquette-in-this-destination-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d2dae3c-e169-4bea-9475-f522527a25e7Post:cc958384-4c10-4711-862b-7497cc12b750">Re: What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just because it's common doesn't mean it's correct.
    Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]

    This from the woman who wrote "hippocrit" on another thread...
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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-the-etiquette-in-this-destination-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d2dae3c-e169-4bea-9475-f522527a25e7Post:cc958384-4c10-4711-862b-7497cc12b750">Re: What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just because it's common doesn't mean it's correct.
    Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]

    Which is the motto of this board
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  • raes19raes19 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-the-etiquette-in-this-destination-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d2dae3c-e169-4bea-9475-f522527a25e7Post:839b2d37-5556-4012-aa66-2854ed2d0cd9">Re: What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation? : This from the woman who wrote "hippocrit" on another thread...
    Posted by ChicagoRach[/QUOTE]

    A typo isn't really the same thing, but okay.
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  • HockeyFan4HockeyFan4 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    You know that since you sent a STD you have to send a formal invite, even if they said they can't make it.  Their plans may change and they may end up coming.  This will make you, I'm assuming, over your guest count/budget, since you are already replacing those who declined with the STD.
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  • Laurahan1127Laurahan1127 member
    10 Comments
    Husband = man you are married to
    Fiance = man you are engaged to

    If you have a husband, you should stop worrying about your wedding because it already happened.
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  • StephanieM22StephanieM22 member
    100 Comments
    Find a venue that can fit your guest list and budget do not b list people. If your FI wants more of his family invited find a larger and cheaper venue. Your guest list should have been finalized before you sent STD's.
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  • lmpeters83lmpeters83 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    I know the difference between a husband and a fiance. It was an error on my part as I already think of him as my husband. We are definitley sending formal invitations to everyone who got a STD, I already mentioned that in my original post. I would never send someone a STD and then not send them an invitation. My question was more focused on including the seperate invite to the California post-wedding party in the wedding invite or sending it seperately. I will definitely be sending the the invitation for the California party seperatly now that I have read people's responses. 

    Thanks everyone!
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  • pearlaquapearlaqua member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-the-etiquette-in-this-destination-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d2dae3c-e169-4bea-9475-f522527a25e7Post:8432f172-8de2-47d2-9f01-5801963d05f4">Re: What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Irregardless  is an informal term commonly used in place of  regardless  or  irrespective , which has caused controversy since it first appeared in the early twentieth century. Most dictionaries list it as "nonstandard" or a word which has become socially acceptable. "Nonstandard" means the word is a colloquialism, not "incorrect" or not a word. Please be constructive in advising people on wedding questions and not attack grammar. This is an informal message board not a formal report.
    Posted by lmpeters83[/QUOTE]

    <div>I like this logic alot.</div><div><a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html" rel="nofollow">http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html</a></div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • ChelseaclayyChelseaclayy member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-the-etiquette-in-this-destination-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d2dae3c-e169-4bea-9475-f522527a25e7Post:e0629cb1-3614-4d50-8a7f-60e1378ba49a">Re: What is the etiquette in this destination wedding situation?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Probably judging the different types of responses Clayy. I'd call you Chelsea, but we have one already. :)
    Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

    <div>You're right, I'm sure. Although it seems kinda odd over there and I noticed a lot of terrible advice given. A friend sent me there to look at pictures of a pink moissanite ring and I lurked around for a little bit. </div><div>
    </div><div>And Clayy is totally fine <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>
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