First hiccup (vent)

ktabin · August 2011

I posted last week how well everything was going and that I had everything booked and planned, well I must have jinxed myself because I now need to find a new reception venue!

Long story short, FI doesn't have a close relationship with the majority of his extended family and hasn't seen most of them in 10+ years and so he chose not to invite any of them to our wedding. We had communicated this to his parents since we have no contact with any of them so that if any of them asked about it they would just say we were only inviting immediate family. Well we found out on the weekend that just about ALL of his extended family has booked their trip to Hawaii for our wedding.

This now puts us over capacity at the reception venue that we had booked and the other venue we are looking at has much higher minimum costs for the number of people we will now have. We have lots of time to find somewhere else, but I was so happy with the venue we had booked and am just frustrated! Plus we were told by FIs parents that if we said anything that we would be the bad guys and that we shouldn't make "a big deal" out of it. I guess that's easy for them to say since they're not paying for it!

Anyways ... thanks for listening.

Tanq&Tonic · August 2011

Holy WTH? All of these people booked travel to a wedding they haven't actually been invited to yet? How do they even know where it is?

Maybe it's time to sit down with FI's family and explain the capacity and budget problems. If they truly insist on expanding the guest list without your consent, the least they could do is help you with the costs. I applaud you for being so good natured about it -- I would personally be furious.

Will you lose any deposit money since you've booked a venue and now need to change? How much did they blow your numbers by? Maybe you'll still have enough declines to accommodate. At worst, if the ILs don't help with the finances and budget is a constraint, can you just inform your ILs that unfortunately, those guests are not invited and will not be able to accommodated, although you are happy to have a meal with them while they are on vacation in Hawaii, either before or after the wedding.

I totally feel for you. My mom and MIL both did this for our AHR, which made me quadrupally thankful that they didn't have any of the details of the actual wedding or I fear it would have happened there as well. UGH. I'm so sorry!!

[Deleted User] · August 2011

No way! Seriously! No one normal would book a flight to Hawaii without an invitation. I would like to ditto everything Tanq says! She's so wise! If you and FI are paying you should stay as close to budget as possible. It sounds like there must be some conspiracy by one of the parents because how would they know where and when? I would be so exasperated!

lorena224 · August 2011

DITTO Tanq x1billion

Someone totally told them where and when. There's no way they could have booked their trips without that info.

Sorry, you are having to deal with this, but you shouldn't feel obligated to accomodate people who were not formally invited. Especially if it will make you go over budget or make you give up the place you are happy with. They never should have bought tickets or accomodations without an invitation. That is just so inconsiderate.

ktabin · August 2011

They found out about it last week when FIs sister posted on FB that they had booked their trip, but I'm not too sure how it went from there.

We're lucky that we didn't have to put down a deposit since we were just having the reception at a restaurant so we aren't losing any money. I think we are definitely going to have to approach FIs parents about the big budget increase and I think they will be open to helping out when we explain the implications. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

kimmykupcakes · August 2011

This is so not ok. FI's mom, who never even congratulated us on our engagement, started inviting ppl even though the wedding is very small and we are paying for everything ourselves. He flat out told her she had to tell each of those ppl that they were not invited. It's your wedding, not theirs. If ppl just go ahead and book travel without an invitation than it's on them. I would so not be accommodating and I would be pissed. Damn, I'm pissed for you.

[Deleted User] · August 2011

Hmmm... I think you should definitely talk to FI's parents (or FI should do it - which I'm learning the hard way - but that's for another time) and also tell the siblings the plan. It's going to be a hard discussion. Also if it's only been a week on FB then I think that people are exaggerating that they booked their trips already.

kaesha · August 2011

Who books travel to a wedding they hear about from someone's facebook status?!? That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a really long time.

I'd be furious too. That's awful.

dianalynm · August 2011

Oh my goodness. That's my worst fear, but really, they should've only booked airfare if they had received an actual invitation, which I'm assuming they didn't, right?!

I would just be upfront about it and explain that it is for immediate family and that the uninvited guests won't be able to be accomodated for. If they already booked travel, you can tell them to join in on other activities, but the capacity for the wedding has been reached?

I hope things work out for you. I think this is one of my biggest fears about the wedding...