Advice for a good marriage

bhale5808 · November 2012

What was the best/most memorable piece of advice you received on your wedding day for a long and happy marriage?

itzMS · November 2012

Are you looking for ideas to include in a speech? Are you looking for advice for your own marriage?

Maybe if you could be more specific, that would help.

I married the right man, that's how I'll have a long and happy marriage.

mcda04 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_advice-for-a-good-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:c7de3e5c-1e5e-4669-923a-1a7a8d19bcc0Post:04555f8d-6835-44f8-aca0-21e264693572">Advice for a good marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]What was the best/most memorable piece of advice you received on your wedding day for a long and happy marriage?
Posted by bhale5808[/QUOTE]

The priest told me "Don't forget you’re a wife FIRST".

H and I have 2 kids and have been together for 8 years. When I moved in with him, it was like honeymoon stage, all attention was for one another and it was perfect, after we had our first child a year later, H became a little neglected, like the attention was shifted to the baby, followed by career changes and EVERYTHING came before DH. When we started our marriage prep classes, we completed a marriage dynamics retreat and it was honestly a blessing, we were so caught up with careers, kids, family, that we kinda forgot about our relationship. I mean we communicated and everything was good between us but that spark was lit again. Idk, I can’t explain it. So what the priest said now makes sense. After we become mothers or professionals, Husbands are slowly put on the back burner. My H never complained because he loves our kids as well but I became a mother and forgot I was a wife. Confused? Sorry it’s FRIDAY and I don’t want to be at work right now.

Peavy · November 2012

Happy wife, happy life.

mandi195 · November 2012

At my brothers wedding recently, the priest said some things that really were fantastic, mainly this..
Always stive to give eachother 100% of yourselves. 50% from one, and 50% from the other doesn't = 100% given to eachother... it still only = 50% effort and commitment. While we are never able to give truly 100%, if we always stive to do that for our husband/wife, you will always be "active" in your relationship, and it will continue to grow and flourish.

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

Love is nowhere near enough to make a marriage last. Saying "I Do" does not guarantee "and they lived happily ever after" so be prepared to put in the work of communicating, letting things go and compromising.

kmmssg · November 2012

I really encourage some kind of premarital counseling. You need to be ready for the hard times when you have to dig your heels in and work things out. Also - if anyone tells you "don't go to bed mad", ignore it.

If you are mad at night, you are mad at night. Zip your lip and sleep on it. Chances are you will have a much fresher, better perspective in the morning to work out whatever was going on.

lolaky · November 2012

This is wonderful advice. I'm newly engaged to a wonderful man, but next week would have been my 25th wedding anniversary to my husband who passed away a few years ago. I can verify that these things, if you can remember them and practice them every day, will help make your love strong. The only things I would add are to be careful of the words you say in anger beacuse they linger out there in the atmosphere and memory for so much longer than you want them to, and to practice reminding yourself that when your partner does something you don't like, it isn't necessarily an indication of how that person feels about you (sometimes we let our negative emotions like anxiety, fear and anger go out of control with those we trust most to love us no matter what because we know it's safe). Congratulations, and I wish you a long and loving and close marriage to your best friend!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_advice-for-a-good-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:c7de3e5c-1e5e-4669-923a-1a7a8d19bcc0Post:401732e8-e287-47a9-924e-cb19b72c0b72">Re: Advice for a good marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Our minister gave a "Five Points" homily of his recommendations for how to make a marriage work - sorry for the weird font! 1. Say “I love you” every day. 2. Show your love every day. 3. Give each other thirty minutes amnesty after you get home - if you have something serious to discuss, wait until you've both had a change to decompress. 4. Go to bed angry. Agree to let things ride in an argument if you can’t settle it. Go to sleep knowing you still love each other so you don’t wake up unsure - pretty much what kmmssg says above. 5. Remember those four important words, “You may be right.” I also loved advice that my brother and SIL gave me years ago - as often as possible, go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time.
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

Gabrielle76 · November 2012

I'm not married yet, but I've been cohabitating with Fi for three years, and the best advice we got is actually from one of his classes (Couples Counseling)

It's the idea of the "magic 5 hours a week"

1) Don't part in the morning without knowing at least one interesting thing that will happen in the others day, and a kiss (2 min a day, 5 days a week, 10 min)
2) At the end of each day, each partner takes 10 minutes to talk about their day. (20 min a day, 5 days a week 1 hour 40 min a week)
3) Each day (work day or not) find 5 minutes to be acctively appreciative towards your partner (compliments, thanking for things they do, etc.) (5 min a day, seven days a week, 35 min)
4) Spend at least 5 minutes a day (not night

) being affectionate (kissing, hugging, etc) (5 min a day, 7 days a week, 35 min a week)
5) Take some kind of couples date once a week. It can be anything from a romantic dinner, to a walk. (2 hours a week)

Obviously this happens naturally for the most part, but when we both get really busy, keeping it in the back of your mind really helps to slow yourself down and remember to think about your relationship.

NOLAbridealmost · November 2012

My H's parents told us that in marriage (or any lifetime commitment) the highs get higher and the lows get lower and for us to prepare for that.

I think it holds so true. Little things that would be difficult before we got married would be nothing compared to one spouse losing a job, a parent, a child, dealing with illness, etc. But the things that were fun and awesome might be nothing compared to sharing the news that we're expecting a baby, buying a home, etc.

It also helps knowing that things won't always be perfect but that doesn't mean the marriage is over or even that it's not a good marriage; it's just life.

Ali092011 · November 2012

My shower hostesses had everyone write marriage advice on a card for me and I love reading through them. I got a lot of great advice, but the piece I remember most often came from a co-worker, who wrote, "Treat your husband like the man you someday hope to marry." I think it's a beautiful sentiment. To me it means that you save the best of yourself for your spouse, put him first, make sure he knows you're thinking about him throughout the day, etc. Try to let yourself get those butterflies when you see him after a long day. And obviously it should go both ways.

anssett · November 2012

I think it's important to recognize when your past (your mother, you in a previous relationship) is coming out at your fiance/husband. When I see that happen I have to ACTIVELY work to change it. That can be introspection, therapy, self-help, discussing wth him, etc, but I will repeat the patterns of my past and what I saw modeled as a child if I don't take action.

Another concept I'd really latched on to is the notion of being animals with your horns out. A pack of animals will circle to protect each other and all face out. If FI and I treat each other like a pack and protect each other and our relationship, we have our horns out. When we attack each other, and don't trust that the other person has our best interest at heart, we're pointing horns in and that's destructive to our longterm health. He and I are a team. He's my biggest fan and I'm his.

Gratitude helps too. Concious moments OFTEN (daily!) of why I'm glad I have him, why he's great, things he does well, how well he loves me (specifics are best), etc. That helps me tremendously.

Good thread.

gundy21 · November 2012

Phrase said in our house with a smile and a peck on the cheek when there is a "hiccup" between us - "Sweetie, I love you, but I don't like you right now." We know it is ok to disagree from time to time. And 99% of the time it is a small thing that won't matter an hour later.

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_advice-for-a-good-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:c7de3e5c-1e5e-4669-923a-1a7a8d19bcc0Post:93aa78b2-c864-4894-9c50-1fae0f37409d">Re: Advice for a good marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]My shower hostesses had everyone write marriage advice on a card for me and I love reading through them. I got a lot of great advice, but the piece I remember most often came from a co-worker, who wrote, "Treat your husband like the man you someday hope to marry." I think it's a beautiful sentiment. To me it means that you save the best of yourself for your spouse, put him first, make sure he knows you're thinking about him throughout the day, etc. Try to let yourself get those butterflies when you see him after a long day. And obviously it should go both ways. :)
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

This happened at a shower for a friend. My advice was practical in nature:
1. Last out of bed makes the bed.
2. The one who does dishes is the one who didn't cook.
3. Be sure to give eachother little "I love you" pats on the butt
4. Establish immediately that taking out the trash is HIS job.

debbiecollins · November 2012

Always keep the line of commuincation open.

Advice for a good marriage

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