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What to say on invitations

WillandTianaWillandTiana member
10 Comments
in Second Weddings
Here is my situation.  My husband and I got "legally married" but did not have a formal ceremony at all (my husband was not a U.S. Citizen so that is part of the reason - now he is a permanent resident).  We are now having our formal ceremony with reception etc.  How do we word the invitation since we are already married but have not had the formal ceremony?  (We initially got married at the courthouse with 2 witnesses).  We both now have the same last name FYI.  Also this is my 2nd marriage, DH's first.  Anyone else been/or is in a similar situation?
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Re: What to say on invitations

  • hollieheidihollieheidi member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Technically it's a vow renewal ceremony, but if you want to avoid all of the explanation I would say:

    John and Jane
    request your company
    in celebration of their marriage
    on
    March 20, 2010
    at
    Wedding Venue
    at
    6 o' clock in the evening


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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think part of it depends on how long you have been married, how people commonly know you and how formal your ceremony and reception are.  The wording heidi used is pretty informal.  For a more formal event- try:

    The honor of your presence
    is requested at
    the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of
    Sharon and Martin Jones
    Saturday, March 25 etc.

    Honestly - Google is your friend on this one-- I found a gazillion variations.  ~Donna
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  • Cooper3333Cooper3333 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You had your formal ceremony- that's the one that makes it legal. Now you want to have a party and get gifts. That's different.
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  • WillandTianaWillandTiana member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Update - we got it worked out.  The reason I asked this is some people invited to the wedding do not know that we are married.  We got married this past July but now our ceremony is on April 24th.  When I got legally married I didn't wear a dress or anything - now its the "real deal" to me.  I'm even telling DH I can't wait to be your wife haha even though I already am. :)
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  • abrown351abrown351
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am in the same situation.  We had a civil ceremony just he and I and a judge at the courthouse in August, and our Jewish wedding is in May(I am converting to Judaism and that will not be completed until April, hence the delay in the Jewish Chuppah ceremony).  We technically are not married according to Jewish law, or in our hearts either.  So even thought i have officially changed my name we are using my former name on the invitations.  
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  • WillandTianaWillandTiana member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ok I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't like it when people say I've already had my formal ceremony because that is just not true.  To me it is so much more than "a piece of paper."  I am a Christian and because of my particular beliefs it is not the same as going to a courthouse and "legally" doing something - there was nothing religious about that at all.  I think what you said Cooper is kind of rude.  I don't just want a party just "to get gifts."  In fact we are not registering anywhere because we find that that is the not our priority.  So please don't say that I've already had my formal ceremony because it wasn't a ceremony to me, it was just getting a piece of paper.  To those people who only have a courthouse "wedding", kudos to them and I mean no disrespect but in our particular circumstance it was a legally necessary thing since he was not a U.S. Citizen and would not have been my choice to "get married" that way if it wasn't necessary.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Well, I'm one in the opposite direction.  I HATE it when people say "I never had a real wedding because it was just a civil ceremony, and I didn't have a dress. . . " Which, to me, is the same thing as saying "oh, I want my pretty pretty princess day."   Why?  Because you are REALLY married. If you have to go to a courthouse to undo it (for a divorce) then it was a REAL wedding. I also find it offensive because that is what DH and I did--we went and had a civil ceremony, just the two of us, no guests, no attendants.  

    We had a handfasting about a year before, in Pagan tradition, but because of the prejudice against non-Christians in this country, our ceremony is not recognized in a court of law.  I fail to see how one group can have a ceremony that is considered legal by their relgious leaders, but another cannot.  So, yes, you did have a wedding.  Calling it your vow renewal a wedding does not make it so. 

    Edit addition: I thought about this some more, and I couldn't figure out what made me so angry about this sort of thing.  Then I realized it's the hypocrisy that I hear stated by so many "I don't feel married because I didn't get married in a a church/synagogue, etc.."  Uh, yeah, if you're having sex, but you don't feel married, and you're Christian or Jewish (and some others), isn't that against the rules of your church?  I'm just sayin' . . . 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • Dumdidum1983Dumdidum1983
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To Cooper3333, honestly your comment is completely off-base. It doesn't matter at which point the marriage is "legal" if the couple feels they want to celebrate their marriage with their family and friends, in their way, and they feel they weren't able to do that in their civil ceremony. It has absolutely nothing to do with gifts for most people, and the fact that you equate a wedding celebration with self-gratification and gift-getting says more about you than the original poster asking the question. Get off the high horse. To WillandTiana, I am in the same boat. My fiance is not currently in the country and since we have no idea when his visa will be done, we cannot plan a formal wedding with family and friends. We're doing a small civil ceremony for those that can make it, and for those who cannot we're having a larger ceremony with a reception next year. Most people already know we will be married by that point, but for those who do not, we're going to include a "how we met" insert in our invitations and give them the full disclosure that, due to visa regulations, we had to have a civil ceremony. We are then going to request the honor of their presence in celebrating the coming together of our lives and cultures. I think if you are honest with people and make it very well known that the only thing you request is their being there for the celebration, you'll be good to go. But it sounds like you figured this out already :) I wish you so much luck!
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  • mommy512mommy512
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I like the comment that heidi shared.  That was a great format for your invites. I to am renewing my vows and am happy you asked this question. I didnt get my dream wedding and feel every girl  should have their moment no matter what. Feel free to do the things that make yiu happy and call it what ever u want. If you feel in your heart that a court wedding doesn't feel real, then thats fine. Do what makes you. I respect those couples who want to share their special day with family and friends because I know I want everyone to see ALL the love between my husband and I.
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