BM ? about her date for the night...weird?!

transcriber87 · July 2012

My BM just started dating a guy and they were over at my house yesterday and she was asking my Mom if he could sit with us at the table during the reception. Well Mom explained to her that after the wedding, when we go in, get our food, those head tables set up is for us, the bridal party, to sit at to eat, the photographer and venue will be taking pictures of the bridal party. She said, well he won't know anyone there...so she said after we eat and the action starts, there is nothing wrong with going up there to sit, we've been at weddings before and saw it. The GM both have wives that will be sitting at a table, my Mom who is my MOH isn't dating right now so no worries about her BF. What do you ladies think? I hope I posted this on the right board LOL

transcriber87 · July 2012

If you are going to post your question on two separate boards, it's correct 'netiquette' to put "XP:" in the title.

Oh gosh, I am so sorry...I never knew what the XP meant but thank you for enlightening me...I just didn't know which board to post on so did both..Thanks

artbyallie · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bm-about-her-date-for-the-nightweird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:e8343a8f-0a27-4f69-bc89-c71f74323fc2Post:024a0125-e3e5-401b-a349-b612f1b086ec">Re: BM ? about her date for the night...weird?!</a>:
[QUOTE]You need to sit your WP with your dates, just like you were told on E.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep. Maybe if you read this enough times it will sink in. It doesn't matter if head tables are always at weddings in your area... that doesn't make separating couples any less rude. Especially since a wedding is about the love and commitment between two people.</div>

ootmother2 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bm-about-her-date-for-the-nightweird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:e8343a8f-0a27-4f69-bc89-c71f74323fc2Post:3fefdee0-c67f-469a-b582-86cda908d204">Re: BM ? about her date for the night...weird?!</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are going to post your question on two separate boards, it's correct 'netiquette' to put "XP:" in the title. Your BM should be able to sit with her boyfriend during dinner. Either make room at the head tables to accommodate significant others, or have a sweetheart table with the two of you with side tables for your bridal party and their dates.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

cfas is one smart lady. Listen to her!

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

This is why head tables should be banned from wedding receptions. They are nothing less than rude to the BP and their SOs.

UberBiz · July 2012

At my friend's wedding where I was the MOH, she had a head table for the bride/groom, the best man and his date, and the MOH and my date, so we sat at the head table with the couple of the evening, and our dates got to sit next to us as well. I thought it was very well done.

aragx6 · July 2012

We're doing a sweetheart table for this exact reason. My FI has had to, on two occasions, sit with my mom aat the random table during dinner because she was the only other person he knew. It's awkward. Don't do it.

brittanycurtisjohnson · July 2012

Yep, sitting alone is super akward.

Sweetheart table is the way to go, plus it gives you time to eat in peice.

Sundaylou · August 2012

I agree with the sweetheart table. That's what we are doing because... 1.) I think it's super cute and adorable and 2.) I was recently in a wedding and found it very akward to sit up with the bride and groom with everyone watching us and my FI didn't like the idea of sitting without me.

kyreneg12 · August 2012

My FI sister got married last year. I wasn't in the wedding, but he was. Her and her husband had a head table at the reception. Only the people in the wedding were allowed to sit at the head table. At the time I didn't hardly know anyone in his family except his immediate family, who were all in the wedding. I didn't want to be the center of attention at a table of their family & friends I didn't know. So i just took a plus one. Me and my guest ended up sitting at a table buy the head table with one of the groomsmen dates who also knew no one.

We were all fine with the arrangement. I was happy because even though I didn't get to sit with my FI we were close enough that when we looked up our eyes could meet. Also, his sister was courteous enough not to ask the groomsmen to dance with the bridesmaids. Which to me means who cares who he sits with to eat if he's on the floor all night dancing with only me.

So my opinion, not being able to sit with your date at a wedding is a very uncomfortable thought. However it is your wedding & if having a bridal party only table is important to you then that's all that matters.

Though it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to consider the feelings of others. If you insist on your bridesmaid's date not sitting with her then compromise a little. Try to reserve a spot for him close to the head table with other people who have something in common with him. After the dinner and toast allow her to spend some time with him. Ask him if he as a sibling or best friend who wouldn't mind coming with to keep him company.

Hopefully this helps. Good luck.

lagonza · September 2012

I've had this same discussion with my FI and his family. His sister (also my BM) was talking about inviting her first serious boyfriend ever to the wedding and it made my FI uncomfortable. Their mom even called me to tell me it would be "unacceptable" to not invite him. I had to explain to her that our guest list is incredibly limited by the venue's restrictions and we're not worrying about anyone's plus-ones until it's time to actually send invitations so that I wouldn't have to say "we don't see him being around by then." Since my FI isn't fond of him, he doesn't want him sitting with us, but dinner isn't that long. If you have friends who are open and friendly, I don't think there's anything wrong with sitting him with them for dinner. Even my FI's sister said she was happy to have him there and not at the head table because she'll have the whole night and 'afterparty' to spend with him.

Miss Manners is always going to lean toward the answer that will cause the least fuss, which makes sense. But like I said to my FI the other day, "It's your wedding. You can do whatever you want."

If it's going to cause a giant meltdown, then I would just back down. However, if your friends are normal, reasonable people, it shouldn't be a problem.

BM ? about her date for the night...weird?!

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