Would you be bothered....

Ashly018 · February 2010

Would you be bothered if you invited your wedding party to acompany you to a fair so they could get to know each other, and one of them asked to bring a friend. Then let you know later that they would be going with their friend, and would just plan to meet you and your party there?

stina93446 · February 2010

No I would not be bothereed. Fairs are really excruciating anyway.

Ashly018 · February 2010

It's a Ren Faire about an hour away from where we live. They were all excited about the idea of going, I thought the drive time would give us time to all get better acquainted. I'm just some what annoyed that a few days ago she couldn't wait to go, and now she will probably only go if her friend goes.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

No. I don't hate my bridesmaids enough to make them suffer through a bridal fair. My bridesmaids are only going to be around each other for the wedding day, so I haven't really bothered with any "getting to know you" type stuff, because nobody cares.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

Oh, sorry, saw your clarification. Ren Faire's a totally different beast, but if she wants her own transportation and to do her own thing, I would let her. Some people have Faire traditions that are sacred and inviolable, and some people just prefer to be able to explore in smaller groups.

Just let it go. Your bridesmaids are your besties, but they don't have to be each others'. It was kind of awkward hanging out with my sister's other bridesmaids, because I was meeting them for the first, and more than likely last, time at the wedding.

lyndausvi · February 2010

Just because i'm in your wedding does not mean I want or need a bonding trip with the other members of the WP. You have gone all this time as friends and not put them together I do not see the need just because you are getting married there needs to be a bonding session.

So no I would not be bothered.

trix1223 · February 2010

I understand your idea about wanting your BMs to get to know each other, but really, why? They're going to share your wedding day with you,and then chances are good that they'll never see each other again.

As grown women, I'm sure that they can be cordial, and have fun with/for you at your wedding, but they don't need to become friends or even acquaintances.

When DIL was married, my two DD's were in WP. They haven't seen, nor spoken to the other BMs because they're just not in a position to see or interact with them. And that's fine.

Same wtih DD who got married in July.

I'd let it go.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

I would be bothered if I was a BM and the bride expected me to go hang out with all the rest of the BMs to get to know them before the wedding. I'm a BM because I'm her friend, not because I'm friends with her other friends.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

The other thing is that when I'm meeting up with people, I usually prefer to have my own car when possible, especially if I might want to leave earlier or stay later than everyone else. Maybe she's really not into Faire and wants to be able to bail after a polite amount of time, or maybe she has something planned for later in the evening and won't be able to stay the entire time.

Seriously, there are a million reasons she might prefer to go with her friend. It's not a big deal.

goheels05 · February 2010

What is a Ren Faire?

Blueyed228 · February 2010

Renaissance

stina93446 · February 2010

Sorry I got confused with ren fair and bridal fair, but my answer is still the same. They aren't required to go to this and you should be happy that she may go at all.

megk8oz · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_would-bothered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:400f584e-3b22-41b6-8e6c-ae4927913155Post:ab645f9a-6229-4410-8e7a-2afaf819b92c">Re: Would you be bothered....</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be bothered if I was a BM and the bride expected me to go hang out with all the rest of the BMs to get to know them before the wedding. I'm a BM because I'm her friend, not because I'm friends with her other friends.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

This exactly. I mean, obviously, I'd be happy that my friend wanted me to be in her BP, and I wouldn't be opposed the doing a "meet and greet" with everybody ... but a day-long outing that involved an hour-drive each way just for a bonding experience? If I already was friends with everybody, that'd be one thing, but I really would have no desire to do this with a bunch of girls I hardly know.

SarahPLiz · February 2010

I'm with PPs. Just because we all share a mutual friend does not mean we all need to be friends with each other. THis celebration of marriage is about joining the B&G, not the Brides different social circles.

526SadieSadie · February 2010

I think it's a really nice idea to get everybody together, it's fun to meet new people. I don't understand why everyone is so against it. That being said, while I would be disappointed if one of my party members didn't want to partake in the outing, I wouldn't let it spoil the day. Go and have fun, let everyone meet and let the straggler know how much fun she missed out on!

duckie1905 · February 2010

I don't understand why the WP has to become acquainted. They don't have to be friends.

So no, I don't think it is weird that she wants to bring a friend and drive herself.

Ashly018 · February 2010

It's not really the fact that she wants to go with a friend that is bothering me, I think it's the fact that I simply expressed wanting to go, and my bridal party were the ones who wanted to go. I asked if they all wanted to go together, they said yes and would all chip in for gas. The plans were made, and then she changed her mind last minute... That's what is bothering me more so...

kikicurlytop · February 2010

I hate when people flake out on plans that they've already set, but at least she is going. I say Whatever, have fun with the rest of your girlies, and if she shows, be welcoming, if not, it'll be just as fun.

duckie1905 · February 2010

I really fail to see how she has flaked on anything. She's still going. So she's not going to split gas? If it was really that big a concern maybe the group shouldn't be going at all if they can't afford the gas to drive there.

She's still going; she's just driving separately. I fail to see the issue.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

Is the sudden change of plans thing new for her? Does she usually stick to her word, or is she known to come up with a new game plan on a moment's notice?

Who's the friend? Is it a date thing? Or maybe an old friend she hasn't seen in a while? A friend who might be going through a rough patch, so your BM is trying to be extra supportive? (One of my friends called off her wedding, which was supposed to be on opening day of Faire, a bunch of us girls are going to kidnap her to Faire that day.) A friend she's forced to babysit for the day?

If this is normal behavior for her, then she's going to continue to be who she is, whether it's a wedding-related event or not. If this isn't normal, then something's up. But I doubt it's a major something, so I would probably just let it go for now. If this sort of quasi-flakiness continues, then maybe try to find out what's going on with her. But leave the wedding out of it; I've yet to see a bridesmaid issue that wasn't actually a friendship issue at its heart.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

She's still going! It's not flaking at all. If she was flaking, she'd be cancelling at the last minute.

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