Should we invite Sister-in-law's Parents?

Percesepe1 · June 2010

There is so much more to this story I want to share but it would be a novel...Long story short, my fiance's older brother is now getting married for the second time two months before our wedding. My future MIL told me I should invite my future sister in law's parents to our wedding. I have never met her parents, and was not planning to invite them as neither my fiance nor I am close with her family. I replied that my parent's aren't invited to their wedding and the MIL's reply was that they are having a "small wedding" (100 people) while we are having around 180. After MIL suggested, I said I would talk to my fiance, and she went around my back to him and said the same thing. What should we do?

lauralaur · June 2010

I invited my SIL's parents, but I go to Thanksgiving at their house every year, and all of my newphews' birthday parties are at their house, and I worked for them for a couple of years, so we're really close and it made sense. In your case, not so much. I wouldn't invite them, and please don't feel like you have to. But, I'm not sure how to go about putting your foot down with your FMIL without her getting uppity about it. Just say no, you do not know these people and they aren't even your family really, and while your guest list may be larger than theirs, it is still filled only with people who are very close to you and their significant others.

redheadfsu · June 2010

Who is paying? If you are paying for all of it, then you get to decide if you want them there, but is your FMIL going to hold it against you?

Did you split the guest list into % Ours, % His parents & % Her parents invites? Then they count in the His parents section & MIL gets to decide if she wants them over someone else.

Percesepe1 · June 2010

Thank you both for the great advice! For the wedding, my dad is graciously paying for 40% and we're paying for 60%, and the in-laws are paying for our honeymoon. The sad part is that my dad's family is really small (parent's are divorced) and he has the smallest of the lists of invites! We did try to split the list somewhat evenly between my family and his, but fiance has a larger extended family so he has more people. I do like your point redheadfsu that we can tell her yes, we can invite them but we'll have to decide if you want them there over someone else from your side. Thanks again!

Kristin&eric · June 2010

if you dont know them i dont see why you should invite them

Eveanyn · June 2010

I had to do that with--let me get this straight--my stepmom's cousin's son and his wife, whom I've never met in my life. Thankfully they RSVPd no.

We're also inviting my fiance's BiL's parents, but they're close. If you've never met them, don't worry about it. Tell her she'll have to cut someone from her side if she wants them invited that much.

tenofcups4me · June 2010

I can see inviting them in certain scenarios, but it seems wrong to me to invite them your wedding when your own parents aren't invited to their wedding 2 months earlier. If their wedding was 30 people, you could make the case that it's a "small" wedding and too intimate to invite your parents. But at 100 people, I think that's stretching it.

I usually advise just going along with something like this, but I don't thik I would in this case -- it's actually pretty insulting to insist that her parents are invited when yours aren't invited to their wedding.

quotequeen · June 2010

I am inviting my SIL's parents, but if I weren't I wouldn't really feel bad about it. And I know them! FI is not inviting any of his BILs' parents. I really can't imagine why you would invite them if you've never even met them.

Percesepe1 · June 2010

Thanks everyone! I feel a lot better now...wish his family saw it this way!

riverjib · June 2010

I'm inviting BIL's parents and family, but I've known them for five years. You aren't having a huge wedding, and you're not obligated to invite them. However, if it's going to create tension, it's probably easier just to invite them. Honestly, you're unlikely to have 100% accept your invitation. Up to you, but you wouldn't be wrong either way.

ootmother2 · June 2010

I love my younger brother's MIL to death so I would. His SILS not so much but they are family and there for Christmas and Thanksgiving, so yes.

My older brother's ILs are a bit weird so I try not to have any relationship with them. They probably think the same of me so it all works out.

totalyellowtulle · June 2014

I'm having the same issue with the SIL. I am not a big fan of them. They are negative, entitled, have treated my sister and my family poorly, and demanding bunch. Something that i don't want on my wedding because i feel that they will try to overshadow my day. When i told my sis and mom that i don't want to invite them both said i was out to cause tension. My sister even went to throw in that i should explain it to my nephew why they are not coming! (talk about total guilt trip) Granted we do spend holidays and birthdays (meaning just my parents and I minus the FI) My FI is supportive with my decision as this is the beginning of my own family... AHHH any advice?

beethery · June 2014

@totalyellowtulle you should probably start a new thread because this one is super old. I think people would be better set to give you advice and opinions in your own thread.

@knotporscha?

melbelleup · June 2014

I was in your shoes. I invited my SIL's parents (who I've known for 10 yrs) to our wedding, but I didn't invite my brother's fiance's parents who I only met her mom once along with her sisters. That being said, my brother is getting married a month after us and invited my FILs including my FI's brother (17). BUT he also has to pay for 250 plates regardless of who shows up, and I don't which I think was part of his reasoning seeing how I invited 274 and only 163 are coming right now.

ETA: I fell for it.... dang I need to start checking dates.

Should we invite Sister-in-law's Parents?

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