my friends are jerks.

mybooboos · March 2011

Congratulations on your engagement, and welcome to the boards!!

I'm sorry your past friends gave you such hurtful comments. One of the things that occurs with many divorces, is not only the custody of children, but the custody of friends as well. I met my ex later in life, so there were no mutual childhood friend issues when we got divorced, but there was a very close friend that I lost because she sided with him. Not because she thought he was a model husband, but because she wasn't happy in her relationship, and misery loves company (and now she's divorced!).

This is all to say that you shouldn't expect all of your mutual friends to be happy for you. They may not be happy for him either, if he chose to remarry. They are used to life being a certain way in regards to you two, and it will take them some time to adjust. Most people (kids, family, friends, the spouse who didn't want the divorce, etc) need ~5 years to adjust to a divorce. Friends are no different than kids, in trying to sort out the change. When you weighed the pros and cons of what you could lose with the divorce against what you could gain, you're friends should have been in the collateral damage column.

There will be friends that will be happy with your new life. Embrace those and let the others fall by the way side. When you receive negative comments, make a mental note to not share any more weddimg details with them. If your family and other friends support you, that's all you need.

Good luck!

rapunnzzll · March 2011

So sorry you are dealing with this. There are friends that you lose through divorce as mybooboos said. While it is tough sometimes, if they are going to say things like that to you, it might be time to realize that they aren't a true friend.

People mature at different times in their life and there are some very immature 25 year olds, heck even some much older are immature. As hard as it is, distance yourself from those that say crude things and try not to let it bother you. Either they will come around or they might not be worth the energy to keep as friends.

Congratulations on your engagement.
Teresa

shytownkelly · March 2011

As the saying goes "Don't let the turkeys keep you down!" - ignore the insensitve comments and go forward with your life.

Just a word to the wise though - keep most of your wedding stuff (if not all) off of facebook. Many girls on these boards have learned that the hard way - with FB Friends assuming they are invited, or like in your case - comments that are just not needed.

Welcome and congrats and good luck!

Lisa50 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_friends-jerks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:b200b283-bf67-4d72-b3ed-c2fedf14fbfaPost:222d2d84-2da9-4268-9f54-7baa9681d00a">Re: my friends are jerks.</a>:
[QUOTE]As the saying goes "Don't let the turkeys keep you down!" - ignore the insensitve comments and go forward with your life. <strong>Just a word to the wise though - keep most of your wedding stuff (if not all) off of facebook.</strong> Many girls on these boards have learned that the hard way - with FB Friends assuming they are invited, or like in your case - comments that are just not needed. Welcome and congrats and good luck!
Posted by shytownkelly[/QUOTE]

This is the_best_advice. I agree. Try not to refer to the wedding on Facebook. Not a word. Honestly, I have never seen anyone write about positive Facebook interactions re: their wedding planning. Never.

A side note re: your ex's alcohol issues. <strong>His inability to break the addiction had nothing to do with how much/little he loved you, it is all about how much/little he loves himself. </strong> Addiction (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, whatever) is about medicating self, not inter-relationships with other(s). This comes from my own experience with siblings who were drug addicts. Decades of experience.

Enjoy your new relationship. Take lots of time to let it mature. There is no rush. Take your time.

MikesAngie · March 2011

I totally agree with Lisa!! She is so right about those who are addicted they just do not love themselves enough... It had nothing to do with loving you...

My first husband runs into one of my sister's on a regular basis in the Summer and he is sooooooooo messed up he barely remembers me - matter of fact he really doesn't.... That is what addiction does.

BrideinNOLA · March 2011

Congratulations on your engagement!

I am sorry that your "friends" are jerks. I wouldn't invite them to the wedding either. A true friend would never say such cruel things. On your special day you should be surrounded by people that love you and want to celebrate with you.

Over the years, I have lost touch with some friends from college, mostly because their negativity didn't fit in with the happy life that my fiance and I have created. Unfortunately though, those people still rear their ugly heads sometimes. Just last night, I found out that one of my college friends told one of my girlfriends that she "wasn't invited to my wedding, but that's OK cause I went to the first one!" That hurt my feelings because I've never had any bad blood with this girl. We just lost touch over the years because partying isn't my thing anymore.

Just keep yourself surrounded with positive people and enjoy your engagement! And I totally agree with the FB suggestion. Keep all your wedding details private and you won't hear from the haters.

my friends are jerks.

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