Inviting some kids but not others...rude?

PeachesKFG · April 2012

I suppose it's too late to change this (invitations are out!) but I'm just curious becuase it's weighing on my mind...

My FMIL created the guest list for her side of the family and set the age cutoff at 18 years old, to make it easier on herself. On my side, I wanted many of my younger cousins to be invited, so I invited about 10 kids between the ages of 8 and 18. Most are my cousins, and then I also invited the three girls that I babysat for about 10 years (becuase they grew up with me as their nanny and I'm still very close with their parents).

I really didn't think much of it, since FMIL and I made our guest lists separately, and then we put them together. Now it has dawned on me, and I'm wondering if some of her side of the family will be upset about my side having kids at the wedding, while their kids weren't invited unless they were 18 or older...
Do you think most people would find this rude? Or is it normal to have different age limits on the bride's side and groom's side?

calindi · April 2012

Technically it's rude, yes. Honestly though, if someone calls back and asks if they can bring their kids, you can say yes (if you want to save the peace) or you can just say you gave MIL a certain number of invitations, and then sent them to whomever she gave you on the list. She's the one who made the cut-off.

It's similar for us - all of my family have their kids on the invites. I don't know if FI's cousins who we are inviting have kids, and he doesn't know either (which begs the question why we're inviting them if he knows so little about their lives... but I don't go there). So we haven't invited any kids on FI's side except his sister's 18-month old daughter and his former step-sister's 4 year old boy. Whatev.

amymaysa · April 2012

I have never heard of the age limits differing on different sides, just a general cut off. Hopefully it won't be a problem, but I would I have a response ready, if the question is asked.

Vanessa630 · April 2012

Actually, we invited some kids but not others, also. We're pretty close to younger cousins on DH's side so they all got invited but there were kids on my side, who I never even met, so no invite. If we saw them all the time, we wanted them to be there.

cdbishop · April 2012

Like PP said, it may cause some questions. I wanted to invite all of my cousins (all are 19 and older), but FI didn't want to invite two of his cousins who are brothers one is 18 and the other is 14. All of FI's other cousins are invited. FI had two cousins get married in the past year and neither of them invited these two youngest cousins, so that is why I thought is was ok (i tried to get at least the 18 year old invited but FI didn't want to)

Oh well...

lfreeman24 · April 2012

We also are inviting some kids and not others and while it may be rude to some most people understand. We have cousins coming up from Virginia who asked if they could bring their kids. I explained that we ideally didn't want kid there, but FI is from Europe so some guests from there can only come IF they bring their kids so there will be kids there. They were completely understanding about it and I haven't given it a second thought. I honestly wouldn't worry about it, its your day!

BeabullMom · April 2012

We had a big issue with this because I don't have younger kids in my family, but FI does. I have friends with kids, but he doesn't. In the end we just decided to go with no kids so there were no hurt feelings (because if we invited them all there would be something like 40 all together, and we couldn't afford that!)

Inviting some kids but not others...rude?

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