After my first date with my fiance, I told my mom that I couldn't marry him because his last name is Goldstein. My name is Goldie. Goldie Goldstein!?! Yes, people meet him, then meet me, then have the "aha" moment where they figure out my potential married name. It's a fun game we now play with people we meet. Anyways, now it's 6 months till our wedding and I'm still completely on the fence stuck somewhere between a name that will either be cute or totally crazy.
Part of me has always believed that it's a wonderful thing for a family to all have the same last name.
I'm also in the academic community, haven't published anything yet, so there's no real reason stopping me, just fear.
I would love all of your thoughts on name change in general. I think we all go through doubts and it's great to hear what other modern women think.
Thanks!
Re: Changing name - even if it results in a very silly name???
I'm a lot older than most women (46) here and when I was growing up, I literally assumed that by now no women would be changing their names at all. It makes me sad that women still do it.
I guess it's obvious from my post that I didn't change my name
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My Big Fat Gay Wedding
Pro PhotosSo after that long post, I think changing your last name is a nice way to honor your commitment to each other. But you also don't have to do it professionally, you can retain your previous name.
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The Knot lost my info, but, I've been married since 6/19/05!
[QUOTE]I always thought I would never change my last name because I love my name and the whole I am defined as who I am not by who I married until someone pointed out that keeping your last name just makes you property of your father, which is why we take his last name instead of our mothers.
Posted by meredithrohter@gmail.com[/QUOTE]
I don't get that line of thinking. I had nothing to do with how I was named or whose name I was given, but the fact is that my last name is MY last name. I understand it came from my father and that's part of a patriarchal naming tradition, but that doesn't change the fact that it's been my last name my whole life.
And here's a bit of naming tradition trivia that I recently learned about that I find fascinating. Throughout much of Eastern Europe (the galicia region where the Chasidic rabbis came to power) in the 1800s, it was equally likely that a Jewish child would have the mother's last name as the father's. Apparently at some point the Chasidim rabbis decided that the state did not have the right to regulate Jewish marriage. So many Jews got married in a religious ceremony but not register with the state -- which meant that "legally" they were not married and did not take the name of their spouse. When those couples had children, the children were given the mother's last name, although sometimes they also went by the father's last name.
Not at all relevant to whether or not anyone should change their name and I'm obviously simplifying this here, but I just find it an interesting bit of trivia.
In that vein, would you consider creating a new last name? I know quite a few people who are doing it, either combining letters from their own last names, or just creating a new one that sounds good. I know its not really common practice, but its another option! And I do like Goldie Goldstein. I think it has a nice ring to it.
RSVP Date: November 5, 2010
RSVP Date: November 5, 2010
I did not change my name the first time I married. My son has a different last name and although his father and I divorced 10 years ago, I'm known as Mrs "Dad's Last Name" and that's just fine with me.
I will get married, for the 2nd time, in July 2011 and know, from almost 2 decades of experience that, whether I change my name or not, some will instantly call me Mrs "New Husband's Last Name" and that's fine with me, too. And, technically, whether I change my name or not, if someone uses the term "Mrs" to address me and adds my husband's last name, they are absolutely correct, since "Mrs" means "wife of." Sorry, I just digressed into a bit of language trivia.
I just haven't come to a conclusion about changing the last name yet. I have a lifetime to do it, there is no "rule" that says I can't do it at any time other than when we marry. I will figure it out someday.
Best of luck!!
[QUOTE] And, technically, whether I change my name or not, if someone uses the term "Mrs" to address me and adds my husband's last name, they are absolutely correct, since "Mrs" means "wife of." Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]
Mrs. doesn't mean "wife of" -- that's Knot urban legend and not true. And in no world is it "correct" to call a woman Mrs. husbandslast if she hasn't changed her name--it's rude and wrong.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Changing name - even if it results in a very silly name??? : Mrs. doesn't mean "wife of" -- that's Knot urban legend and not true. And in no world is it "correct" to call a woman Mrs. husbandslast if she hasn't changed her name--it's rude and wrong.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
<p>My friends and I researched the meaning of "Mrs." decades ago -- when we were teenagers (I am 49), so I'm confident that "Mrs" means "wife of" ... I cannot quote the reference book from which we learned the meaning of "Mrs" but recall the research. Yes, we were that geeky, and feminist, and righteous about the whole thing. And <em>none </em>of us changed our names when we married, just because of the research we'd done. "Knot" wasn't around back in the 1970s ...
Fast forward to 2010 ... I will not be insulted if someone refers to me as being my husband's wife. Seriously? Ha!
Clearly, you <em>will</em> be offended if someone calls you "Mrs." ... I won't (won't be offended and won't call you "Mrs."). </p>
If you've got a source, I'd be really interested in seeing it; until then, I'm not convinced.
I'm not "offended" if a stranger calls me Mrs., though I will correct them. I have been annoyed when people I know mistakenly assume I took my husband's name -- it's disappointing and sad to me that we live in a world where that's still the norm.
I've been known by my birth name since, well, birth. And even during the period in which I was married to a man, I would never have treated "Mrs. HisFirst HisLast" or "Mrs. HisLast" as correct.
Of course, if it were true that Mrs. meant wife of, I could be Mrs. NotFroofy and she could be Mrs. 2dBride. That would keep our friends permanently confused!
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Peace.