Not Engaged Yet

How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?

FI and I have been debating what to do for our registry. Honestly we wouldn't even be thinking along those lines at all yet, but FMIL has asked that we set something up because FI's side of the family wants to throw us a shower over Labor Day. We always go back to South Dakota and it will likely be the last time we'll see many of those folks before the wedding.

I've seen registries where the couple asks for a variety of things that they'd like and you can purchase a "gift certificate" of sorts to wrap. Obviously you're not actually purchasing a honeymoon champagne toast or a hot air balloon ride...the couple receives the cash. I'm just wondering how people feel about these types of registries?

We would only ask for things we'd actually like to receive. We'd plan to save the money given for the gift the purchaser bought. EX: If someone purchased a romantic dinner, we'd save that money for an anniversary dinner or something like that within the next year.

We are in our late 20's-30's and have been living on our own for some time now. There honestly isn't anything we really need as far as housewares go. I guess we're just wanting to get a feel for if this is an acceptable alternative. (FYI, we are registering for a small number of items at Target...but it's pretty meager.)

Be brutally honest. I can handle it!

Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?

  • I think they are fine. Isn't the point of a registry to suggest what guests can get you, that you'll actually want/need? They'll end up buying/giving you whatever they feel most comfortable with, whether it is off of your registry or not.

    A lot of people use them and I promise you, no matter what registry you choose people will have something to say about it. We registered at Macy's, Target, and BB&B. Our guests loved Macy's and just about completely ignored Target. I thought that was so weird. Doesn't everyone go to Target?
  • If people want to give you cash, they'll give you cash. Register for what you want/need at Target and when they are all bought up, people will either give you cash or something that they choose for you. To me HM registries are just a 'nice' way to ask for cash.
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  • I agree with Tiger.  I really don't like the concept of HM registries.  I prefer gifts to be tangible - I won't even buy friends/family gift cards for Christmas/birthdays.

    I know Oceana had roughly similar concerns with registering since they'd been on their own for a while as well and really had what they needed.  If I remember correctly, they registered for upgrades on basic small appliances (food processor, mixer, blender, etc), new dishes, and some fun stuff.
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  • Honeymoon registries aren't really acceptable among my family (at all). 

    I do know of a couple that registered for 4 vacuums because they wanted a new couch...(i.e. they returned all the vacuums - but it's kinda hard to get returns for cash these days.)

    If or when we ever get married, we have most of what we need, but I'd probably upgrade some of the kitchen stuff.  BF might register for like power tools (even though we really only need a spindle sander...)
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  • I don't like the idea of honeymoon registries.  If you want cash for a honeymoon or other goal, either don't register for anything or only a few small things you need/want.  I think most people will get the idea.

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  • I'm going to a wedding in January, and they've got a Honeymoon Registry. Since the majority of people are traveling thousands of miles to attend taking gifts would be unrealistic. I think I'll just give them cash though, I don't see the point of paying extra to have the currency converted by my card company and have 5% knocked off the total.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:f57e8a56-bbe1-4e51-8ce1-6d0c4b4dbd65">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm going to a wedding in January, and they've got a Honeymoon Registry. Since the majority of people are traveling thousands of miles to attend taking gifts would be unrealistic. I think I'll just give them cash though, I don't see the point of paying extra to have the currency converted by my card company and have 5% knocked off the total.
    Posted by fizzylemonade[/QUOTE]

    <div>But even here, it's completely possible to order something from Macys, have Macys gift wrap and ship to their house with a gift receipt, in case they don't like it and want a different color or whatever.</div>
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  • Yeah, I agree with some of the PPs.  I think people know when you aren't just starting out as a couple that the couple would prefer cash.  I'd do a small registry for the people who really want to give you a tangible gift...I'm sure 90% of the people will get the hint. 
  • I give cash at weddings.  I would much rather give you a check than buy you a gift card on a registry where you 1. may not even get all of the money I've spent (HM registries and the like are notorious for taking a 5-10% fee, so you'd only get $90, not $100) 2. are really just going to get cash rather than the thing I THOUGHT I was buying.  (If I'm taking the time to choose between a romantic dinner for two or a couples massage, I want you to do the think I've picked, not just pocket my cash.)

    I really hate the idea of cash registries.  Also, in my experience, boxed gifts are only for showers and cash is given at weddings.

    Also, if you don't want to get any boxed gifts at all - please don't have a shower.  Showers aren't for getting cash or gift cards from every single guest.  (I know that sometimes people will give them because they were running low on time or the registry was empty, but other than that I don't think it's ever appropriate to give cash or gift cards at a shower.)  

    I would register for a small number of things you would like to upgrade and skip the shower.  That way, you'll only get boxed gifts from those who don't like to give cash, and a majority of guests will understand that you want money.  
  • I know a lot of people have problems with it, but I wouldn't be offended at all.  I'd like to know upfront if that's what they need/want!  you know your friends and family best.

    a friend of mine got married and had a HM registry, and I actually got kind of excited trolling through and trying to decide if I wanted to gift them such-and-such, or something else.  it was fun.  I ended up giving some money for a dinner on the beach.  when she got back, she showed me pictures of them having dinner on the beach! 

    I'm probably an oddball though.  we also had people at our wedding unofficially collect money to give us when we left to use while we were in Boston for our HM.  I think it was at the wedding, I don't really know.  maybe they had done it beforehand?  anyway, we didn't have a dollar dance or anything, people just wanted to give.  if they didn't, then they didn't.  we didn't know about it until we were leaving and found the envelope in my packed bag with a note.  it was very sweet, and we really appreciated the extra cash to do a few things in Boston we might not have done.  I guess the difference is, we didn't outright ask for it.  so one could argue that point, as well.

    however, if you think people will get super-mad or offended and you want to avoid that, just go the route of registering for a few things and hopefully it's spread through the grapevine that you want cash.  or put some items on there that you would love to have or upgrade...  like I said, you know your situation best.  you are a very level-headed young woman and I know that you'll make a wise decision.  :)
  • I kind of think they're tacky, which is too bad, because I'd love to have one too. We don't need much maybe a new set of towels and a set of decent, matching dishes. That's about it, but I feel like we have to register for other things we don't really need to fill up space/give people options. We'd much rather have cash to go toward big things we actually need, like a dining set or bedroom furniture. We'll probably tell our parents that, and hopefully they'll spread the word, which I think is a bit more tactful than creating a registry for cash.
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  • I don't like HM registries. I feel that if people are going to give you money, they'll do it on their own. Like Minskat said, most people will figure out that a small registry means "we don't need a lot of tangible stuff."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:cab1a730-3e4e-4423-8b17-b72fcc8224d8">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash? : But even here, it's completely possible to order something from Macys, have Macys gift wrap and ship to their house with a gift receipt, in case they don't like it and want a different color or whatever.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    Yes, the circumstances are different (it's not a destination wedding, they're getting married at home, but people are coming from literally all over the world), but they could have registered with a store there.

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  • I can see how they're convenient and attractive for the couple, but I don't think it's appropriate etiquette-wise as PP mentioned.

    Maybe this has just been my experience in my area, but I haven't seen cash given at a wedding shower either. The closest I've seen is a gift card for lingerie and even then, that's only happened once or twice.

    So if it was me, and we really wanted cash/didn't really need anything I'd do one of two things:
    1) Skip the shower, and just not register in hopes that people figure out we'd prefer cash. As suggested above;
    2) Use this as an opportunity to upgrade and register for those things - or just have a few things on a registry, like you've done and combine this with suggestion #1 so people who really want to give a boxed, tangible gift can do so and others can go the cash route.

  • I don't really understand why so many poeple get so judgy over HM registries.  I don't see why it's acceptable to be like "oh, we want this mixer and these dishes" rather than "we just want cash."  However, most honeymoon registries keep a cut of the cash you're given, and I DO find that annoying.  I would rather just give you the full amount in person instead of going through a website and losing a few dollars.

    I felt the same as you, like we really didn't need much.  I will say, though, that we managed to fill up a registry anyway.  It's amazing how you can go your whole life without knowing of a particular gadget's existence, but then you see it and have to have it instantly.

    We also did a little bit of what B&W mentioned -- registered for a bunch of smaller things we didn't need with the intention of returning them.  Since our registry was at Macy's, I got some new clothes out of it.  :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:c1adbe93-1602-4ed2-a4ba-62f4bd197452">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't really understand why so many poeple get so judgy over HM registries.</strong>  I don't see why it's acceptable to be like "oh, we want this mixer and these dishes" rather than "we just want cash."  However, most honeymoon registries keep a cut of the cash you're given, and I DO find that annoying.  I would rather just give you the full amount in person instead of going through a website and losing a few dollars. I felt the same as you, like we really didn't need much.  I will say, though, that we managed to fill up a registry anyway.  It's amazing how you can go your whole life without knowing of a particular gadget's existence, but then you see it and have to have it instantly. We also did a little bit of what B&W mentioned -- registered for a bunch of smaller things we didn't need with the intention of returning them.  Since our registry was at Macy's, I got some new clothes out of it.  :)
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>To me, as the gift giver, I would think that the couple really wants someone to buy them champagne and chocolate covered strawberries in their hotel suite.  That's a pretty awesome and unique gift, and I'd love them to remember me by that.  However, finding out that the couple just got the cash for it, and that was their intention the entire time, just seems wrong.  Just like I'd be upset to find out that someone returned a $50 tea kettle (that they registered for) for cash.  I put thought into that gift!  I was super excited when I saw my friend still using that tea kettle 3 years later.  
    </div>
  • I figured this was the reaction i'd get...thanks to everyone for the honest opinions!

    As far as the shower goes, it's not really my decision whether someone wants to throw a shower for me or not. Wouldn't it be more rude to say "no thanks" to a shower than to have a HM registry along with a traditional registry? All that aside though, that is why I did set up a small registry at Target.

    Could I get a whole new set of dishes? Could I junk a perfectly good toaster for something new and shiny? Sure I could. I don't see how that is any better of an option than someone gifting us money for a specific purpose though. I'd rather know that my funds were going to a romantic dinner on the beach and get a card or pictures about the experience (as coco mentioned) than just send $100 bucks and never know if it bought groceries or paid bills.

    When it comes down to it though, I hate the thought of anyone thinking we're tacky, so i'll probably just scrap the idea. I also hate being wasteful though. AHHH. To me, the whole idea of registries seems outdated. So many couples don't need housewares...yet we all have to build a registry and come up with a bunch of stuff we really don't need.
  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:c1adbe93-1602-4ed2-a4ba-62f4bd197452">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't really understand why so many poeple get so judgy over HM registries.  I don't see why it's acceptable to be like "oh, we want this mixer and these dishes" rather than "we just want cash."
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    Completely agree with this.  The one and only time it bothered me that a couple had a HM registry - and it was only slighty - was when I knew they hadn't paid for a dime of their extravagant wedding, had help buying their house, and have ridiculously well paying jobs that could easily afford vacations (they took two nice trips during the year they were planning their wedding). Then again, none of that was any of my damn business, and it was mostly envy of their financial comfort that made me side-eye the HM registry.

    Elle makes a good point about the HM registration place keeping a cut of the money, so that is good to keep in mind. I also think it is better, when people go for the HM registry, if they also give a traditional registry as an option. In general I think that a lot of registry options are the way to go.

    ETA: I also prescribe strictly to the notion of gifts being freely given, and so I don't usually understand why people view gift giving in terms of themselves (i.e., getting offended if the recipient returns it or uses it for something else once it is theirs). So that has a lot to do with my viewpoint on this subject.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:c1adbe93-1602-4ed2-a4ba-62f4bd197452">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't really understand why so many poeple get so judgy over HM registries.  I don't see why it's acceptable to be like "oh, we want this mixer and these dishes" rather than "we just want cash."</strong>  However, most honeymoon registries keep a cut of the cash you're given, and I DO find that annoying.  I would rather just give you the full amount in person instead of going through a website and losing a few dollars. I felt the same as you, like we really didn't need much.  I will say, though, that we managed to fill up a registry anyway.  It's amazing how you can go your whole life without knowing of a particular gadget's existence, but then you see it and have to have it instantly. We also did a little bit of what B&W mentioned -- registered for a bunch of smaller things we didn't need with the intention of returning them.  Since our registry was at Macy's, I got some new clothes out of it.  :)
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>To me, there is a difference between a regular registry, which can be used by your guests to give them an idea of what you'd like, and a HM registry which is given to you in cash. I feel like the HM registry gives the guest the illusion they are giving you a gift of a dinner, when in reality, they are giving you cash. I don't understand why anyone NEEDS a HM registry unless it's literally run by the resort you're going to and results in those exact things being done (couples massage! romantic dinner on the beach!). Otherwise, it's a cash grab disguised as a registry. (I realize not every couple would use it that way, but you can't tell me the temptation won't be there to use that money for uses other than what the giver intended).</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:982ea866-18c1-463f-acea-bcdde9a010c0">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash? : To me, there is a difference between a regular registry, which can be used by your guests to give them an idea of what you'd like, and a HM registry which is given to you in cash.<strong> I feel like the HM registry gives the guest the illusion they are giving you a gift of a dinner, when in reality, they are giving you cash.</strong> I don't understand why anyone NEEDS a HM registry unless it's literally run by the resort you're going to and results in those exact things being done (couples massage! romantic dinner on the beach!). Otherwise, it's a cash grab disguised as a registry. (I realize not every couple would use it that way, but you can't tell me the temptation won't be there to use that money for uses other than what the giver intended).
    Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I get this.  For the record, I do get (mildly) annoyed when people have specific items listed on their HM registries, but then they use the money for other things, because it seems deceptive to me.

    However, I feel like a registry is just a couple's way of saying "Hey, if you feel like you need to get us a gift, these are the things we want/need" and I don't see how it's any less acceptable when those things you need are just cash.
  • Ex and I went to his cousin's wedding last year. They had a HM registry. I had never heard of it before, but I actually thought it was kind of neat. We would've given them money either way, but I liked the idea of contributing to something that they'd get to do. I would probably feel differently if I later found out they used the money for something other than what we had "sponsored" them for unless there was a legit reason, like the activity was cancelled for weather reasons or something. Anyway, they shared all their HM pictures and the thing we contributed money to, they actually did and it was cool to see it.

    I think if people don't like the idea of contributing to a HM registry, then they'll just give you money in a card.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:c9c4a955-9532-4f54-8ec9-77cfa4e8c2d8">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]At any given time I have an ongoing list of things I'd love to do to our house, from the mundane like switching out switchplates, to more complex projects like adding new light fixtures, to decorative like adding throw pillows, vases, or art. It seems like a lot of registries have narrowed just to kitchen gadgets and I don't think it needs to be that way at all. 
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    I feel like this depends a lot on where you're living when you get married. If you're renting, there's a lot less you can ask for (or need to ask for, rather).  There are a million things I'd do to this house if we owned it, and I would have loved to register for things like that, but I can't even paint the walls.

    My uncles tried to get together to give us a really nice, big dining table, but I had to reject the offer.   We barely have room for our little dinette.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:c9c4a955-9532-4f54-8ec9-77cfa4e8c2d8">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Allusive, do you and FI have any more unusual hobbies together that you could get gadgets for? Like, camping gear or something? My old coworker and her FI are avid ice climbers and one whole registry is at REI so they could add climbing gear alongside some updates to housewares (which they did through a Target registry). I thought that was unique and fun, and I was really excited to pick out axe protectors and stuff haha.  Re: honeymoon/cash-type registries, they just sit the wrong way with me. I wish they didn't. In my circle, we bring a boxed gift to a shower and cash/check to a wedding, and I would be put off if a shower was spent with a bride opening up cash gifts, especially if those cash gifts were eaten into by fees taken out by the company. I also find the idea that people would put items on their registry simply with the idea to return them for things like clothes or whatever really offputting. I guess I want to know that the couple has chosen registry items that will be meaningful to them and their new marital household -- or else they've declined a shower or opted instead for a bridal tea or something sans gifts.  I sort of find it hard to believe that people wouldn't be able to find things that they would want for their home. At any given time I have an ongoing list of things I'd love to do to our house, from the mundane like switching out switchplates, to more complex projects like adding new light fixtures, to decorative like adding throw pillows, vases, or art. It seems like a lot of registries have narrowed just to kitchen gadgets and I don't think it needs to be that way at all. 
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    I agree with Liv 100%. I think a HM registry is just a different way of asking for cash (which,you can sort of do more politely by having a small registry, declining a shower, and having other spread the word that you are saving for X.)

    If you feel that you can't turn down the shower, register for mulitples of things that you will always need more of in the future- like towels or nice sheets, or something you might not buy for yourself-nice cooking knives, good pots & pans, frames, vases, or cool serving pieces.



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  • Sorry I sort of ran away there. It's been a busy day at the office.

    To address the "other activities", yes we registered at target for those items. We registered for camping gear and yard/board games...along with new towels and sheets. I'd be tempted to update or receive other decorating/household items, but we're planning to sell my condo post-wedding...so I really can't predict what may or may not work in a new space.

    The ideas for our other registry would be things like a cooking class, a hot air balloon ride, an overnight stay in the mountains. These are all things that we would honestly do with the money...but didn't want to research and list out specifics. We're more of "activity" than "stuff" people even when we give gifts to each other, so we thought this type of registry would be fitting for us. I guess it's viewed as a big faux pas though...
  • Even if you did register for those things, it wouldn't be appropriate to have a shower with that kind of registry.  ("Oh thanks Aunt Sue for the $50 gift card!  And Aunt Jane gave me $75!...." and so on and so forth.)  

    If you don't want physical gifts, it's completely fine to decline a shower.  You may think it's rude, but you'll probably just end up with a bunch of random odds and ends people will buy because they don't want to show up with gift cards.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-you-feel-about-registries-that-pay-you-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9163f60c-39d4-4b9c-86d4-335a3ffbe19ePost:75339d7c-cfaf-4c61-b314-67a1dcc7d185">Re: How Do You Feel About Registries That Pay You Cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I figured this was the reaction i'd get...thanks to everyone for the honest opinions! As far as the shower goes, it's not really my decision whether someone wants to throw a shower for me or not. Wouldn't it be more rude to say "no thanks" to a shower than to have a HM registry along with a traditional registry?
    Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]



    It's definitely not rude to turn down a shower. Just explain that you don't feel like you need anything new and don't feel the need for a shower. I don't like HM registries, and especially if you're not planning on using the money ON your honeymoon.
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  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited August 2012
    Allusive - I just wanted to say that I agree with what Katniss said about getting boxed gifts at a shower and cash at weddings.  I didn't realize this is what people typically do until I received all gifts at the shower (and a lot of people sent gifts prior to the wedding) and did not receive a single thing other than checks at the wedding (which was GREAT!).

    I think that the small Target registry is great for your shower.  Hopefully if someone wants to get you something not on the registry, they will give you the gift receipt.  Laughing

    What about new sheets/towels?  We obviously had these before we got married but registered for some REALLY nice ones that we wouldn't typically buy ourselves.  They are AMAZING!

    ETA:  Now reading through some of the PP, I understand WHY boxed gifts are given at showers.  It would be sooooo boring as a guest to watch someone open up a bunch of giftcards.
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  • jorja86jorja86 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited August 2012
    I think they're rude. I also think registering for something with the intent of returning it for cash is rude not that anyone here is doing this, just a comparison. If you don't want a lot of boxed gifts, stick with the small registry you have now, and use that for the shower. Other than that, people aren't stupid, they will figure out cash is the best option if there's not much left on the registry. I'm with Liv, too. There's NOTHING you want for the house? Go browse Pottery Barn or Williams Sonoma. I bet you could come up with some stuff you really would use, but maybe wouldn't buy for yourself.
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  • A lot of people don't say what they spent on a gift hence the development of gift receipts. With sales, there's that added layer of indirectness. With HM registries a guest can spend 30 min deciding on a 100 moonlit serenade and unknowingly end up giving the registry 8 and the couple 92, which they spent on their cable bill after deciding not to sign up for the moonlit serenade. Regardless of whether we think people should be upset, some will. Your plan sounds good. I would just look around your home to see what you're always grumbling about to get enough for a shower registry.
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