Engagement Party

dinajones · February 2010

My family and friends are driving me crazy about this engagement party. My fiance and I are hosting our own engagement party - 6 months prior to our wedding. This was meant to be a small affair for about 50 cocktail party style. I have tons of family and friends coming from out of town to attend (some invited themselves) this event. The problem is - I feel a lot of pressure to host a party party with dj, dinner, etc. That's not even my style - I want a more laid back social gathering where we can mingle, eat, laugh, and talk. Should I care about what my guests want or should I do what I want considering we are paying for it.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

Are engagement parties a gift-giving even in your circle? (They're not in mine, but apparently they are in some places.) If people will be bringing gifts, it's not a party you should be hosting.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a08062dc-e808-4e06-bb2b-453d6df9cbe6Post:5eac4b01-03eb-4970-98b7-43a1978c80a3">Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]My family and friends are driving me crazy about this engagement party. My fiance and I are hosting our own engagement party - 6 months prior to our wedding. This was meant to be a small affair for about 50 cocktail party style. I have tons of family and friends coming from out of town to attend (some invited themselves) this event. The problem is - I feel a lot of pressure to host a party party with dj, dinner, etc. That's not even my style - I want a more laid back social gathering where we can mingle, eat, laugh, and talk. Should I care about what my guests want or should I do what I want considering we are paying for it.
Posted by dinajones@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

You shouldn't be hosting your own e-party in the first place. That's rude of you. ETA: Even if it isn't a gift giving event, it's rude to host a party in your own honor.

But yes, once you invite guests, you need to make the party fun for them. It doesn't have to be exactly what they'd throw, but you need to make sure it is comfortable and enjoyable for them. They are your guests and you are hosting them.

dinajones · February 2010

I have requested no gifts and it is not an expectation that they bring me gifts. I've even clarified this. I don't think its rude to host your own engagement party - I think it's reality and is becoming very common.

Pirata13 · February 2010

You should not be hosting your own e-party. That is something that is given FOR you, like a shower. And 6 months before your wedding? And dj, dinner and all that? That's called your wedding reception.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a08062dc-e808-4e06-bb2b-453d6df9cbe6Post:eb344694-bcec-41f3-b98f-da2e92f26c77">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I have requested no gifts and it is not an expectation that they bring me gifts. I've even clarified this. I don't think its rude to host your own engagement party - I think it's reality and is becoming very common.
Posted by dinajones@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

It's also rude to mention gifts.

You probably ought to check out an etiquette book at the library and read up a little bit. You don't want to unintentionally offend your guests.

dinajones · February 2010

Many etiquette books state different things so let me give you some pointers. First, etiquette states that traditionally parents host, however, the bride and groom can host themselves. Secondly, gifts are not expected, however in some circles, gifts are usually given by close friends or family members.

I <3 Seabass · February 2010

Regardless of the etiquette of if you should be hosting your own e-party, as a host you should be planning a party that you think your guests would enjoy. As a host you also need to keep your guests of honor in mind (which in your case would be yourself). It's up to the host to balance those ideas and plan a party that everyone will enjoy.

So no I don't think that you should just do what you want because you're paying. You need to take everything into consideration and find a middle ground.

SuMmErKuTiE · February 2010

Your engagement party certainly does not need to be a full dinner with a dj. Our engagement party was a cocktail party with hors d'oevres and cake. There was a signature drink, champagne punch, and bottled beer served. There was also a champagne toast and both my dad and FI gave a toast. My mom also decorated everything in our wedding colors and we had a great time.

I can't believe some people invited themselves to your e-party! Invitations were sent out for our e-party and the only people invited were our bridal party and their SO's and close family. There were about 35 people in attendance and we thought it was perfect. Also, you are right gifts are not mandatory at an e-party and we didn't expect them, but everyone who showed up to ours brought a gift or a bottle of wine or champagne. If you receive gifts don't forget to send out thank you notes after! But to sum up, please don't feel pressured to host a dinner party with a dj especially when the guest list has gotten out of control and people have started inviting themselves! Do what is affordable and what you know will be fun for your guests.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a08062dc-e808-4e06-bb2b-453d6df9cbe6Post:ddec9373-6d8a-4122-b7eb-493d2e41be6a">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]Many etiquette books state different things so let me give you some pointers. First, etiquette states that traditionally parents host, however, the bride and groom can host themselves. Secondly, gifts are not expected, however in some circles, gifts are usually given by close friends or family members.
Posted by dinajones@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

<div>Try a reputable one, like Emily Post. An engagement party is traditionally hosted by the bride's parents, but can be hosted by anyone EXCEPT for the couple themselves. Hosting a party in one's own honor is in poor taste. </div>

bridgeeboo · March 2010

I believe it states several times on this website (in Ask Carley, etc.) that hosting your own engagement party is completely acceptable. I personally know of several couples that have done so. Perhaps it is not "perfect" etiquette, but I think realistically couples should not expect people to throw them a party. Traditionally, the parents of the bride or groom throw the party. I know in my case, my parents are retired and on a fixed income living across the country from me, and my FI's mother has Alzheimer's, and the rest of his family is in Sweden. Etiquette doesn't always work in the real world. My MOH is hosting a sit down dinner for the wedding party to celebrate our engagement this weekend. I am not sure if it is proper, but I am grateful that she was thoughtful enough to host since our families could not, and with wedding expenses, we could not afford to.

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