Friend committed etiquette faux-pas, why do I still feel like crap?

orianita3 · August 2012

So this is not really a question but more of a vent.....I'll try to post the short version...

I got married six months ago, invited some co-workers. This particualr one e-mails me day of the wedding to say "can't come, sorry". OK, thanks, I'm not checking my e-mail on my wedding day and anyways it is too late to cancel after you RSVPd yes....whatever

Fast foward to this month, now it is their wedding. "Invite" came through a mass work e-mail and it was for ceremony only, "sorry, reception space is too small". Wedding was on a Saturday afternoon, while Isaac was passing through Florida. H and I said, we're not going.

I know everything about it was a no-no in my etiquette book, but how come I still feel like crap for not going!!!!!!!!!!!? and, should I get this couple a present? I work with one of them, have met the other half a total of two times.

Thanks for listening!

Kristin789 · August 2012

What did this couple get YOU for your wedding?
I'm thinking you should just send a nice card, but if they got you some $100 gift, that would change the situation.

jessicabessica · August 2012

You feel bad because you got a little bit of satisfaction over having a legit excuse to decline. I probably would feel that satisfaction, too. I would send them at least a congratulatory card, and if you want to do more, a $20 gift card to wherever they registered (I would not give more than a card). Hope you're ok with the storm!

rlavach · August 2012

I would not have gone & likely not have sent a gift. If your conscience is bothering you, for some strange reason, then just send a small gift. See if there is anything small left on their registry.

Meegles4 · August 2012

I wouldn't send a gift probably. And I think you're completely fine for not going.

tmwishful · August 2012

I'm not sure how you feel like crap about it.

MyUserName1 · August 2012

Yeah, I wouldn't have gone or sent a gift and wouldn't feel even a little bad about it.

orianita3 · August 2012

I have no idea if they have a registry.....just Googled for a few minutes and couldn't find a thing. I wasn't invited to a shower or got an actual invite to the wedding with a website on it so I really have no clue. We don't discuss weddings much at work because of course not everyone is always invited.....

Anyways, we got a picture frame from them, but I don't think gifts should be tit for tat. However, I think the situation is different, etiquette-wise I think it sucked, my stupid conscience made me write this post, lol

Thanks for the input!

The storm was bad but never turned into a hurricane, thanks for asking!

[Deleted User] · August 2012

Stop feeling bad. First of all you didn't go to extreme weather, not because you just didn't feel like going. I'm sure you weren't the only guest who didn't attend due to the weather. Second of all, you were only invited to ceremony, not reception, so it's not like they are out any money (except for a program and/or bubbles) for inviting you. From the research I've done you don't invite people to the ceremony if you don't invite them to the reception. So no harm no foul on your part. Relax, maybe send a card wishing them well. But unless they got you a gift, a card alone should be enough. Enjoy being a newleywed

zantster · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-committed-etiquette-faux-pas-why-do-i-still-feel-like-crap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e28809c1-cf26-4ecf-86dc-6056bce2778bPost:86e19229-4f91-48a7-8ca8-0d31206df6db">Re: Friend committed etiquette faux-pas, why do I still feel like crap?</a>:
[QUOTE]You feel bad because you got a little bit of satisfaction over having a legit excuse to decline. I probably would feel that satisfaction, too. I would send them at least a congratulatory card, and if you want to do more, a $20 gift card to wherever they registered (I would not give more than a card). Hope you're ok with the storm!
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

Lol. This sounds like it hit the mark. But I sure wouldn't feel guilty. People's actions tell you exactly where you fit or rank with them in their life and we instinctively adjust accordingly. It's not tit for tat. Why would you bend over backwards when it's obvious they wouldn't do the same for you? Your time and effort is just as precious as anyone else's. A card and the frame or whatever is good enough.

Loopyseven · August 2012

Stop feeling guilty. Send a card if you like. Include a gift card or a small gift if you want to, but I don't think anything is necessary. A "wedding invitation" (not really what you received, but rather than debating semantics" is not an invoice for a gift. It is not required to acknowledge the invitation other than by RSVP'ing.

zitiqueen · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-committed-etiquette-faux-pas-why-do-i-still-feel-like-crap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e28809c1-cf26-4ecf-86dc-6056bce2778bPost:98eb0f4a-9bb4-450f-ad69-e26dd4054fa6">Re: Friend committed etiquette faux-pas, why do I still feel like crap?</a>:
[QUOTE]What did this couple get YOU for your wedding? I'm thinking you should just send a nice card, but if they got you some $100 gift, that would change the situation.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Why does it matter what they got OP for her wedding? Oh, that's right, Kristen lives in Tit-for-Tat-What-Will-the-Neighbors-Think World.

Friend committed etiquette faux-pas, why do I still feel like crap?

Re: Friend committed etiquette faux-pas, why do I still feel like crap?

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