eucharist

kmg977 · February 2010

Hello all! I am gettin married July 3, and we are going to be sititng down with the priest and discussing out liturgy here in a couple weeks and we have a huge decision to make. We do not know if we want a full mass with the eucharist or if we just want to have the sacrament of marriage and the homily. I am currently going through RCIA so I will be fully Catholic by the time of the wedding, but my family is Lutheran. Most of the women in RCIA that are engaged are of course getting married in a Catholic Church but our leaving out the eucharist. My mom made it VERY clear that she would be extremely hurt if we had communion. She is not real happy that I am converting and that we are having a Catholic wedding to begin with. She doesn't agree with the fact that her and my whole family won't be able to recieve communion, but my fiance's will. She said it will just make her feel like she is not an important part of her own daughters wedding, and she is paying for the whole wedding. My fiance did understand this is the earlier wedding planning stages but is now really disapointed and wants communtion very badly. It is a no win because I will be upsetting one of them and can completely see where they are both coming from. I don't want to make my mom feel unimportant, but I dont want to tell my fiance he can't have communion....I need advice! : )

berrytr · February 2010

In short, this a decision between you and FI; it's your wedding. The priest can have non-Catholics come up (with their arms crossed in front of them) to recieve a blessing rather than Communion.

ring_pop · February 2010

You need to explain to your mom that Eucharist is NOT about excluding non-Catholics, and WHY only Catholics in good standing are allowed to receive Eucharist. It's not an intentional slight to her.

Then you need to talk to your fiance and figure out why it's SO important to him to receive Eucharist at your wedding, given that only half of your guests will be able to participate. You'll still be married either way.

Quite frankly, this sounds like a power struggle to me between your fi and your mom, and it's totally unfair to you. For the sake of your marriage, your family and your fiance and his family will need to learn to compromise - someone needs to bend for the sake of keeping the peace. In your case, I personally think it would be easier to not have communion at your wedding.

meltoine · February 2010

I think you should have communion.

Your wedding (especially the ceremony) is about you and your FI, and the life you two are starting together. Clearly Catholicism is important to you two since he has strong feelings about the full mass, and you felt strongly enough to convert.

That said, communion is a beautiful expression of just that - communion - between you and your FI, as well as the wider, global community of the Church. Given that, I think that you should begin your lives together with a full participation in the sacraments of the Church you two will be a part of for the rest of your life.

How do you, personally, (without considering your FI or your mom) feel about having communion? If it were totally up to you, what would you decide? If you want communion too, you really should do it. Get used to making decisions with your FI and not with your mom.

SaraAndrew2010 · February 2010

Keep in mind that if you get married in a Catholic ceremony without having the full mass, you are still just as married in the eyes of the church.

If having a full mass is really important to you and FI, by all means have a full mass. However, I can see how your mom and relatives might feel excluded. It might be more sensitve to your family situation to not have the full mass. You are still experiencing the full sacrament of marriage, even if you don't have a full mass.

Riss91 · February 2010

I think if your FI really wants communion, you should do it. Most priests can make an announcement during the ceremony regarding communion and will welcome those who cannot receive communion to come up with their hands crossed for a blessing. See if your priest will do that and then your mother and family will not be completely excluded.

I also think you should explain to your mother that she needs to respect your decision to become Catholic and not take offense. Not just for the wedding, but for your future.

Theresa626 · February 2010

Wow, that's a really tough decision. I think you should explain communion to your mom as best as possible and try to let her know that we believe it is truly the body and blood of christ and we feel it's disrespectful to partake in it if you do not truly believe that. We do not believe it is a representation.

You need to make sure that your priest asks every single person in the church to come up and recieve a blessing or the Eucharist. Put it in the programs as well. Try to ask the priest to make a very welcoming statement about coming up for a blessing.

ExpatPumpkin · February 2010

Would it be possible for the two of you to share communion privately with the priest after the ceremony?

GulfCoaster · February 2010

Well, a nuptial Mass is ordinarily the form of the liturgy preferred when both spouses are Catholic, but there are circumstances in which a service without Communion might be appropriate for a Catholic couple.

If your mother didn't object, would you want to have a nuptial Mass? Can you talk to your mother about the reasons why Communion is so important to Catholics, and about how much the Catholic faith means to you (and I assume it means a lot, since you're going through RCIA)? I kind of suspect that she may have hard feelings about your conversion, in addition to whatever feelings she may have about Communion.

FWIW, I think you should have Communion. I went through RCIA and converted several years before I even met my DH. My family has never been happy about my conversion... but when we were married, we had a full nuptial Mass, because Communion was very important to us. None of my family members were able to receive Communion. They were not happy about this at first, but I had several discussions with my immediate family before the wedding and asked them to respect how important my faith is to me. At the wedding, we had a brief announcement in the bulletin (I know not everyone here agrees with bulletin announcements, but we had one) and the priest invited non-Catholics forward for a blessing instead of Communion. It all turned out fine.

ootmother2 · February 2010

Although I agree that it is a tough deciision, your FI comes first here and he wants the eucharist.. That 's the final vote.

You are close to your mom and she is, after all. paying for your wedding, regardless of what you choose.

Can you thinok of a way to honor your mother in the ceremony?

This will sound very corny but you could make a point with "blessing the mothers"/
It doesnt' require communion, just a blesssing that may make her not feel excluled.

fishieballerina · February 2010

Something I have seen done at Catholic weddings is having only the bride and groom receive the communion (since I am having a full Mass I don't know if this is something they normally do as part of the sacrament or if it was the couple's choice) but as a Catholic guest I felt like I was being "left out" of the Eucharist, which I take great pleasure in receiving.
Your mother would be allowed to go up and receive a blessing, if she wanted to. But remember, it is THE COUPLE'S CHOICE. Also, remember what the Eucharist is. It isn't just a fun snack break, it is actually receiving Jesus' body and blood. If you don't care about doing that at your ceremony, that is up to you, but if it is important to your FH than I think you should do it. It is his day too. Your mom may feel left out, but you can do your best to educate her as to why only some people will be able to receive it.

Morfudd · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_eucharist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:f7c1c1b7-a190-46a2-a490-2e2e8df750ecPost:cf060a2f-30e2-44fe-be61-101ea4482637">Re: eucharist</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should have communion. Your wedding (especially the ceremony) is about you and your FI, and the life you two are starting together. Clearly Catholicism is important to you two since he has strong feelings about the full mass, and you felt strongly enough to convert. That said, communion is a beautiful expression of just that - communion - between you and your FI, as well as the wider, global community of the Church. Given that, I think that you should begin your lives together with a full participation in the sacraments of the Church you two will be a part of for the rest of your life.
Posted by meltoine[/QUOTE]

This was our logic, too. We're both converts-- I on my own, he because we thought it was a bad idea to be married and unable to receive communion together. Neither of us has many Catholic family members (although we do have many Catholic friends), but we felt strongly enough about the sacrament that we wanted to include it.

I don't much like the idea of the Bride & Groom only receiving communion, but it may be leftover hard feelings from attending a wedding where only the groom & best man received communion (the bride was Protestant, a situation where I really think you shouldn't have a full Mass-- you're united! but not in communion. But I digress).
And this really does need to be about the two of you.

JMU_Bride09 · February 2010

I am actually in a very similar situation. I finished RCIA and entered the Church Easter 2008. My father and his family are Jewish, my mother and her family are Protestant, and my FH and his family are Catholic. My mother is very anti-Catholic. FH and I decided that since our religion is very important to us, we want to include the full mass. My parents were upset about this. They have since calmed down, but Im sure would prefer for us to not include the mass. It may seem that I'm not taking my family into consideration, but FH and I do not feel it is appropriate for us to leave out a big part of our faith on our wedding day. We are trying to include both sides of our families in as many ways as possible, though. We have asked one of my Jewish aunts to read the OT and an aunt from my mother's side to read the Special Intentions.

Calypso1977 · February 2010

i personally think you shoudl have Mass if you are both Catholic and both want it. While you are married either way, and receive your sacrament either way, the Nuptial Mass provides for extra blessings and graces.

Whiel your mom may not be happy about your conversion, the bottom line is, you are converting and this is how you plan to live your life. IMO, if you cave to her wishes now, you will only have problems down the road every time you want to have a child baptised or invite her to witness any of the other sacraments your future kids will receive.

they can always go up for blessing, as others said, and i really have never understood this feeling of being "left out".

see if you can do a Unity candle or something (not a catholic ritual, but many do it) to help her feel more included. but really, the day isnt for her or about her or your family, its for you and your FI.

good luck!

kmm2150 · February 2010

Speaking as a protestant who has many times accompanied my Catholic husband and his family to Mass, I totally understand where your mom is coming from. Intellectually, I do not have a problem AT ALL with the way communion works in the Catholic church, but I can see where people raised in a protestant faith that takes communion and for whom it is also a very serious and important ritual (Catholics are not the only ones who take this seriously, even if the specific beliefs surrounding it differ), would feel excluded/insulted.

In addition, I have to admit it creates an awkward situation for a non-Catholic. I feel very uncomfortable going up and receiving a blessing, and imagine that people who are not only not Catholic but not Christian (if you have any guests that are not Christian) would feel even more awkward being blessed. However, it's equally uncomfortable to sit there like a sore thumb while everyone else goes up.

This is about the two of you joinng your lives, and if it's important to both of you, then do it. BUT it is also a joining of your families, and to me if it's going to draw attention to differences and make people unhappy, rather than being a uniting event, I would leave it out. Another thing to consider is also the percentage of your guests that are/are not Catholic, and how they'll feel.

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