Groom doesn't want bride's brother as groomsman

abbasangel35 · March 2013

My brother and I are 22 months apart. I've already asked his girlfriend (now fiance) and son to be a part of the wedding. My fiance said he has no problem with my brother, but refuses to have him as a groomsman. He even told me to have my 24 year old brother be a ring bearer. Family is very important to me, but not important to him.

My brother and his fiance have both expressed that if he is not in the wedding, she will not be a bridesmaid. I've already asked my fiance's sister, and his brother will be the best man. I'm planning on asking my sister who I'm not too close to, but is finally getting herself in better shape to hopefully be a part of my wedding. If my brother is not a groomsman, he will be the only sibling in both our families to not be in the wedding.
My fiance is very stubborn and is now saying that if my brother is in the wedding, he will not marry me. I don't know what to do. What can I do or say to change his mind. I've already had to compromise (give him his way) on the date, location, time, and to not invite my ex-boyfriend, who is now a really good friend of mine. Is this even fair? My parents are paying for the entire wedding.

OliveOilsMom · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_groom-doesnt-want-brides-brother-as-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0d3e57b8-9454-48ea-b665-e782adfc7268Post:4856be35-3396-43eb-9985-74a69cbaa3fa">Groom doesn't want bride's brother as groomsman</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother and I are 22 months apart. I've already asked his girlfriend (now fiance) and son to be a part of the wedding. My fiance said he has no problem with my brother, but refuses to have him as a groomsman. He even told me to have my 24 year old brother be a ring bearer. Family is very important to me, but not important to him. My brother and his fiance have both expressed that if he is not in the wedding, she will not be a bridesmaid. I've already asked my fiance's sister, and his brother will be the best man. I'm planning on asking my sister who I'm not too close to, but is finally getting herself in better shape to hopefully be a part of my wedding. If my brother is not a groomsman, he will be the only sibling in both our families to not be in the wedding. My fiance is very stubborn and is now saying that if my brother is in the wedding, he will not marry me. I don't know what to do. What can I do or say to change his mind. I've already had to compromise (give him his way) on the date, location, time, and to not invite my ex-boyfriend, who is now a really good friend of mine. Is this even fair? My parents are paying for the entire wedding.
Posted by abbasangel35[/QUOTE]

First, you pick your side, he picks his. So if he doesn't want your brother to stand on his side, the you can't force him to.

Second, why not have your brother stand on your side?

Third, it's pretty bad of your brother & his FI to put an ultimatum on your BP for you. If your brother ends up not in the WP, then his FI shouldn't back out. But if she does, it is on her.

Fourth and most importantly, if your FI is saying that he won't marry you to get his way, you have way bigger issues than having your brother in the WP. Your FI sounds like a bully. How many other times will he pull this to get his way in something. And even after your married, will he threaten divorce to get his way? You need some pre-marriage counseling, seriously.

Lastly, it is probably awkward for your FI to have an ex-bf attend your wedding as a guest. But if he also threatened to not marry you over inviting the ex, then see my post above again.

PhoneCardLady · March 2013

I do not feel that my FI is "obligated" to have my brother or BIL stand up for him.

I also do not feel that I am "obligated" to have my sister stand up for me.

Groom doesn't want bride's brother as groomsman

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