3 sisters... 1 MOH

josiehoover · April 2011

im having a serious dilemma with my 3 sisters. I actually have 1 whole sister and 2 half sisters but reguardless i love them all. My older sister and I have always been very close but the last couple years we have drifted apart and recently she moved over 3 hours away. She would have orginally been my MOH no questions asked but now im not so sure!! She holds this grudge over my fiance and can also be very negative which makes me think she might not be ther greatest person to have helping make any decisions and with her being so far away she might not even be around with the planning. My youngest sister has become my closest sister and is SO excited about my wedding and loves the life I am living. My 3rd sister i know will definitely be a bridesmaid shes awesome and we're sisters I would never leave her out BUT how do i choose who will be my MOH??! My older sister i know is expecting this role and she would choose me as hers if her time ever came I really think she'd be hurt over this! please help me

vicki0508 · April 2011

I think you should have no MOHs. Just call everyone a BM and tell them you just couldn't pick one above the other.

And don't expect/require them to help with your planning. You and FI should be able to plan the entire wedding on your own. If they offer to help, great! But you shouldn't solicit it or be mad if they don't offer.

rainedrop6 · April 2011

My BFF has two sisters and they decided early on that middle would be oldests MOH, youngest would be middles, and oldest would be youngests so there were no hurt feelings and no confusion later on.

carolynnmarieg · April 2011

I totally understand the dilemma!

I say go with no MOH. You can split up the MOH duties.

I disagree with rainedrop6 to a degree; being a BM is a job...you should be able to count on them to bounce ideas off of, to help with some menial tasks (e.g., envelope stuffing), and to be excited about your upcoming celebration. I don't know if that was all included when PP said they don't need to help plan, but I guess that's just a matter of definition/perspective.

Think about MOH tasks and send them to all your sisters (I'm assuming they're all adults) and have them communicate with one another about who will do what.

Good luck!!!

AutumnFair · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_3-sisters-1-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06ffe3be-fbd8-48e5-9f81-04c5201da47dPost:e04b6a3c-88d4-439c-a05c-02c8e78fffb5">Re: 3 sisters... 1 MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally understand the dilemma! I say go with no MOH. You can split up the MOH duties. <strong>I disagree with rainedrop6 to a degree; being a BM is a job</strong>...you should be able to count on them to bounce ideas off of, to help with some menial tasks (e.g., envelope stuffing), and to be excited about your upcoming celebration. I don't know if that was all included when PP said they don't need to help plan, but I guess that's just a matter of definition/perspective. Think about MOH tasks and send them to all your sisters (I'm assuming they're all adults) and have them communicate with one another about who will do what. Good luck!!!
Posted by carolynnmarieg[/QUOTE]

<div>No. Bridesmaids and Maid of Honor are <strong>titles </strong>to signify the closest relationship to the Bride that is all. There are no jobs of a BMs, if you expect people to be at your beck and call then your going into Bridezilla territory. People have their own lives to deal with and making sure they HAVE to stuff envelopes for a Bride or risk getting kicked out is ridiculous. Many BMs do help the Bride because <em>they</em> want to, but no Bride should expect their BM to talk non stop anytime they see the Bride/friend about wedding or be forced into doing wedding stuff. A LOT of problems can occur when Brides have these "expectations" set in their minds for their WP.
</div><div>
</div><div>To answer the OP, I agree with others, just do not have a MOH. </div>

mbcdefg · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_3-sisters-1-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:06ffe3be-fbd8-48e5-9f81-04c5201da47dPost:e04b6a3c-88d4-439c-a05c-02c8e78fffb5">Re: 3 sisters... 1 MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally understand the dilemma! I say go with no MOH. You can split up the MOH duties. I disagree with rainedrop6 to a degree; being a BM is a job...you should be able to count on them to bounce ideas off of, to help with some menial tasks (e.g., envelope stuffing), and to be excited about your upcoming celebration. I don't know if that was all included when PP said they don't need to help plan, but I guess that's just a matter of definition/perspective. Think about MOH tasks and send them to all your sisters (I'm assuming they're all adults) and have them communicate with one another about who will do what. Good luck!!!
Posted by carolynnmarieg[/QUOTE]

Ew, please don't do any of this. It's crappy to pick someone as MOH just to have her on hand to help you.

Anyone who wants to help will do so, regardless of her title. Anyone who doesn't want to help will not volunteer, even if you make her the MOH. If you ask someone to be MOH who's not keen on helping, and she doesn't wind up helping, then you're just setting yourself up for disappointment by placing all of these unfair expectations on her .

Sending your sisters a list of jobs is an incredibly shiitty thing to do to them.

marinabreeze · April 2011

I think that if you're having a hard time choosing, don't make any of them MOH.

I have three sisters and three brothers. I grew up with my younger sister and youngest brother, three of my siblings (two older, one younger) I've only met within the last couple of years, and my oldest sister I haven't had the opportunity to meet yet. Because of this, it was no surprise to anyone that my younger sister is MOH. Also, since my dad is deceased, my youngest brother will walk me down the aisle. My second-oldest sister, older brother, and second-youngest brother will be invited to the wedding (I'm not sure if they're expecting to be invited since we aren't as close at this point), but they aren't going to be in the WP.

My case is different because it's clear who I would be closest to at this point in my life. But in your case, at least from your OP it seems like it's not so clear, and feelings may get hurt if you choose one over the others. So it might be best not to choose one.

newsgrl39 · April 2011

I have two older sisters who I had a hard time choosing between. They are 14 years and 16 years older than me and they had each other as their MOH's.

So I wouldn't hurt anyones feelings, I asked my best friend to be my MOH and I am having my sisters walk me down the aisle. (my dad passed away two years ago)

Obviously this is a different situation but I would just talk to them. Thats what I did and thats how we figured out what would work best.

3 sisters... 1 MOH

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