(long) Biological father and Step-dad aisle walking help needed

higgldy_piggldy · April 2010

Hi. So here is my issue:

My parents divorced when I was less than 2yrs. My step-dad came into my life about that time and became (and still is) my main father figure for the past 22 years. My bio-dad always lived 2hrs away and I only saw him 3-4 weekends per year. He would call just as frequently.

When I was in college I decided that my mom would walk me down the aisle because I didn't want to choose between my step-father who raised me and a father who (while I know he loves me very much) wasn't in my life the way a father really should.

I got engaged and made sure to tell all parents that my mom was giving me away. She's uncomfortable with it though. Walking myself down or having FI walking with me is just way too wierd for me to consider.

I've recently been thinking that I would really like to have my step-dad (my main father) to do the honor, but I am SO uncomfortable with telling my bio-dad (to be honest, I'm more scared of what his wife will say....she has intimidated me since I was 3 or 4).

Has anyone had this issue? How did you handle it? If you've done the whole one dad walks you 1/2way and then hands you off to the dad giving you away, how did that work out? I can't imagine it flowing very well.

Thanks for any advice you may have. I hope this post was not confusing.

tgirl06 · April 2010

Why not both? There's no rule saying only one person can walk you down the aisle. If they get along well enough to do this, that is what I would do.

fallbride1109 · April 2010

I went to a wedding once where the bride had them both walk her down the aisle and it was very sweet. She did a father/daughter dance with each of them too.

I walked down by myself and it wasn't weird.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

A friend of mine was in a similar situation and they did the halfway thing. Her bio dad escorted her from the door to halfway up the aisle where step-dad was waiting and "handed her off". Terrible term, I know, but I can't think of the right words to use this sec. ;-)

Her explaination was that her bio dad was her dad during her younger years and her step-dad was her dad during her older years hence the order of the dads. I don't know details about how she presented the idea to them or their conversation about it as a family but it worked well and everyone acted like adults so it was a nice gesture.

maggyruth · April 2010

My cousin had her stepdad walk her the first part of the way down the aisle, and then hand her off to her bio-dad to walk her the rest of the way up the aisle. Granted, I believe she has a much more involved relationship with her bio-dad than it sounds like you have.

I like the way a PP's friend did it...with bio-dad first, stepdad second because of time frame.

nd76 · April 2010

I guess I'm not as nice as other people, but I would tell bio-dad to stick it. I have only a recently developed, very fragile relationship with my bio-dad though, and he's not even invited to the wedding. I am so proud to have my step-dad ("dad") walk me down the aisle, it makes me tear up just thinking about it. I really think you should have someone who supported you and raised you walk you down the aisle. I am not especially traditional, either though. Maybe step-dad could walk you down the aisle and then you could do a father-daughter dance with each of them?

tigerlily25 · April 2010

I am having a very similar issue, however I am very sensitive to hurting my real father's feelings (who I saw about once a year thoughout my childhood, and we have a tense relationship to say the least) because I don't want him to feel hurt by my step father walking me instead. My step father, I assume would also be hurt or feel left out, since he was there more often than my father was.

I have decided to walk alone, to not hurt anyone's feeling, and decided to tell people (if they ask) that the ceremony is to focus on me and my fiance's relationship alone, not me and my father or step father. We are both in our late 20's and have been on our own for quite some time, so it would feel awkward having someone "give me away" at this point in my life.

Hope this helps!

higgldy_piggldy · April 2010

MrsB: that sounds like it worked out well. When the bride was handed off, what did the bio-dad do? Did he walk past them after handing her off...did he just stand there and wait until they made it to the groom......I am very curious about the physicallity (is that even a word?) of the 1/2 way walk. I'm having a hard time imagining how the flow of movement would work (which I gues is a tad bizarre).

Tgirl: If both of my dads were equally in my life I think that would be a wonderful idea. However, that is not the case. My bio-dad tells me he loves me and how proud of me he is, but it was my step-dad who did ALL of the work (well....with the help of my mom, of course).

ND: It's nice that you're sort of on speaking terms w/ your bio-dad but that must really suck. It's amazing that you have such a wonderful step-dad. Mine is pretty awesome too and yeah I def. tear up a little when I stop to think about everything he's done for me.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

Higgldy- He followed behind them until he got to his seat and then he sat down while they went the last couple of steps to the altar. Step dad stayed with her to give her away.

(long) Biological father and Step-dad aisle walking help needed

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