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Christian Weddings
Is This Rude?
Occasionally when couples get married at my church, they will open the ceremony up to the entire congregation, but only invite certain people to the reception. Since the first time I ever became aware of this practice was as a non-reception guest at such a wedding, I've always considered it to be rather tacky and insensitive. However, my parents suggested it to me a couple weeks ago, and now I'm not sure what to do. The only reason I am considering it is because I know there are many, many people who would like to come, but there is simply not enough room at our reception venue. We have so many people offering to help us out with various aspects of the wedding, and they have been very gracious about the fact that we only have enough room to invite our close family and friends, but I just keep feeling like the least we could do is give them the opportunity to witness the ceremony itself, since everyone is being so kind and helpful to us. Our church really is like a family, and I want so much to be able to include them in our special day, as much as we can.
We wouldn't send out invitations to the people we weren't also inviting to the reception, but our church would put a note in the bulletin about a month before our wedding and there would be an announcement made about it as well. We could make it clear at that point that the open invitation was for the ceremony only. Our ceremony is going to be on a Friday afternoon, so the majority of people from the congregation who would be able to come with a month's notice will probably be mostly the older couples. Many of the older couples at our church tend to look down on dancing, and it is not allowed at our church-which is why we are not just having our reception at the church and inviting the whole congregation-so they probably would be uncomfortable at the reception anyway and end up leaving once the dancing started.
Like I said, this is something that many couples from our church do, so I think the congregation is pretty used to it by now, but I'm still worried that it may be incredibly rude. I still plan on getting advice from some of the woman at my church who generally help out with weddings, but I was wondering what you all thought as well. Thanks for reading, I know this is a bit long and rambling!
We wouldn't send out invitations to the people we weren't also inviting to the reception, but our church would put a note in the bulletin about a month before our wedding and there would be an announcement made about it as well. We could make it clear at that point that the open invitation was for the ceremony only. Our ceremony is going to be on a Friday afternoon, so the majority of people from the congregation who would be able to come with a month's notice will probably be mostly the older couples. Many of the older couples at our church tend to look down on dancing, and it is not allowed at our church-which is why we are not just having our reception at the church and inviting the whole congregation-so they probably would be uncomfortable at the reception anyway and end up leaving once the dancing started.
Like I said, this is something that many couples from our church do, so I think the congregation is pretty used to it by now, but I'm still worried that it may be incredibly rude. I still plan on getting advice from some of the woman at my church who generally help out with weddings, but I was wondering what you all thought as well. Thanks for reading, I know this is a bit long and rambling!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is This Rude?
[QUOTE]I think it's rude not to invite people to the reception EXCEPT if that's something your church does, the only "half-invited" people are from your congregation and you don't specifically invite anyone, but rather put a notice in the bulletin. Also, I wouldn't be too blunt about the ceremony-only part, you could say "<strong><em>The congregation is welcome to witness the wedding ceremony </em></strong>of John and Jane at TIME on DATE."
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]
<strong><em>Excellent</em></strong> wording there, I love it! Thanks for the advice. :)
This is a tricky situation, and I don't want to hurt peoples' feelings. But I also don't want to pay for 300 people at the reception. We almost decided against getting married in that church just for this reason.
I would not be okay with you sending out invitations to some people and have them NOT invited to the reception.
I think congregational invitations are an exception to the rule.
i would not invite people. they will show up if they want to attend, as its perfectly acceptable for them to do so.
[QUOTE]<strong>I have known of couples who have sent out "special" invitations stating you are invited to the ceremony and then you can come back later for the cutting of the cake/danicing, lol.</strong> I don't agree with that. I think people would understand that you can't invite everyone you know to your wedding. I think inviting your church to the ceremony only is okay (with a bulletin announcement).
Posted by mattycam[/QUOTE]
Oh wow, that's horrible! What we're considering doing would be just what you said, putting an announcement in the bulletin and then everyone from the congregation who wanted to attend would be able to. We certainly wouldn't send out invitations to anyone who was not invited to the entire thing though!
[QUOTE] Occasionally when couples get married at my church, they will open the ceremony up to the entire congregation, but only invite certain people to the reception. Since the first time I ever became aware of this practice was as a non-reception guest at such a wedding, I've always considered it to be rather tacky and insensitive. Posted by thereisbeauty@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]
I think you answered your question here about how people might feel being invited only to the wedding ceremony. People can attend the ceremony without being invited - I don't think you even need to have something in the bulletin. Ultimately it is up to you and like sister said, it may be normal for your church members. But if it was me, I wouldn't do it.
i would nto have taken out a separate "ad" so to speak in teh bulletin.
Also, the ceremony that I went to before where it was open to anyone in the congregation to attend but we were excluded from the reception was at a church other than our own. I would never consider inviting people to the ceremony only if they didn't actually attend the church where our ceremony was being held. But since our ceremony will be at our church, and so many people in our congregation have their weddings in this way, I'm kind of thinking that maybe it would be ok...especially since, as I said before, our church always comes together so much to help out couples who are getting married. Every woman in our church who gets married, even if she's only a fiance of a member and doesn't even regularly attend our congregation, is given a bridal shower by all of the other woman. They put a lot of work into this, and everyone who attends gives very nice gifts. The more I think about it, it just seems inconsiderate to shut all of these people out from getting to witness a single part of our day. I still need to get some advice from some of the women at my church about it, but I'm thinking they'll probably suggest that I go for it.
Thank you all so much for your advice!
Married Site
The reception then is a separate party that you need to be invited to, just like any other party that you would need to be invited to in order to attend. Then in the wedding program/bulletin, and after the recessional, there is an announcement that "For those who have been previously invited, the reception will be..." etc. If people show up to the wedding without having received a specific invitation in the mail, then they aren't expecting to go to the reception.
So this is the approach I would take. A general announcement in the bulletin lets people know they can come see the ceremony, but receiving an invitation in the mail means you are invited to both.
We wanted people we were close to in the congregation to be able to attend the wedding, but there was not a chance in the world we could afford all of them coming to the reception, lol. I'm from Long Island where weddings tend to be a pretty big deal and people understand that its hard to afford having too too many people at receptions...i don't know if its different where you are from, but i think for us and for our church and our region, it is acceptable.
Also, it was really nice because a family that i had babysat for several times came to the ceremony, and i got to say hi to their two daughters who are 4 and 8 years old, and they just seemed to be in awe of me all done up and in my gown and everything- it was adorable;-)
I think that you should only have the people from the reception that are invited that should attend the ceremony... i'm pretty sure some people must feel like crap not being invited to the reception and just invited to the ceremony.