Sister Engaged

panuskavm · May 2011

My fiance propsed Monday, April 25, 2011. I called my sister the day after to tell her knowing she wouldn't be too happy because she has been dating the same man for 6 years with no proposal. Today, she calls me to tell me her boyfriend has just proposed to her. I was speechless. I am happy for her, but at the same time, I feel like her bf should have waited at least a full week before proposing. Is it wrong to be upset? I feel like she is stealing my thunder and as the middle child, I don't get the thunder to often.

redheadfsu · May 2011

She doesn't have to wait. You get to be mad, for two seconds and then move on.

Have you decided when you want to get married? I would talk to your sister & try to figure out how to work with each other.

theluckiest555 · May 2011

I agree with PP, just make sure you guys don't pick wedding days that are too close together. Maybe your BF proposing made her BF realize that he needed to step it up a notch? Or maybe it was just pure coincidence. Either way, I would just let yourself be angry for awhile and try to be happy for her, just as I'm sure she is excited for you! Now you'll be able to help eachother plan your weddings! Congrats and enjoy this time!

breaness · May 2011

One of my friends was going to propose to his girlfriend and then she got a call saying that her best friend was engaged. He put it off a week.

Maybe that's the case with this?

I'm with PP's... you have every right to be angry, as you can't help how you feel, but it's what you do with it that counts. Allow yourself to be mad and move on

Congrats!

Elle1036 · May 2011

I can see why you would be just a little irritated, but I would think that at the end of the day you should be excited to share this stage in your life with your sister. You guys get to share all the wedding planning stuff, and that's awesome.

My brother is probably going to get engaged soon, and I think it'll be really fun to share ideas (and frustrations) with his girlfriend.

CassandraPotter · May 2011

that sort of happened to me too! except my sisters bf asked her a month after me. Since it was a month later and she was 8 months pregnant I decided to not care. The hardest thing is I started booking stuff a month or so ago, and she decided last week to book stuff for their own wedding 2 weeks before mine (they already are married and got married in a court room 12/31/10). my point is, try not to have the ceremonies close together like my sister decided to do to me! (even though shes already married).

LADY324 · May 2011

I would be a little pissed if I were you too!! But like everyone else said you really can't do anything about it so try not to be angry. I would just try to figure out some dates so you guys can at least plan your weddings a couple of months apart.

panuskavm · May 2011

Thank you for the advice everyone. I felt bad for being angry, but I couldn't control it. I have already contacted her to ask her when she was thinking of getting married as my fiance and I already have a date in mind. I couldn't help but asking her when she called to tell me (she lives in another state) "What, did he feel guilty or something?" It looks like she is looking for a Spring Wedding and I a Fall Wedding, so we should be good. I still have the right as the little sister to nag her and say I got engaged first while sticking out my tounge. hehe. And I think I have the better engagement story.

GBroc22 · May 2011

I'd be irritated, but everyone is right. There's nothing you can do about it now...so you might as well move past it. Communicating while planning will be important, but be careful not to get too into comparisons (or even competing) with each other

Remember, it's about the marriage, not the wedding and focus on that. It always makes me feel better about the small, silly (although they don't seem silly now I know!) things that come up with wedding planning!

firsttimersluck · May 2011

I feel the pain. my step sister got engaged less than a month after I did... While that part didn't bother me, her picking her date to be 3 weeks after my wedding did (considering we had our date set in stone 8 months prior (he was deployed

) and she knew this date back then).
The frustrating part is, who gets more financial help with the wedding? THAT"S where it becomes a pain in the ass. Who's gets the more involved parents/family, etc. ?
All you can do is be the bigger person and pretend like it doesn't phase you in the slightest to the world, while venting to your best friend (ie your fiance

) if you two are two peas in a pod, he'll be just as fussy about it.
Ultimately, you can't control it. Just be thankful and happy for her knowing that it didn't take your soon-to-be that long to realize you're his One.

emmalujeske · May 2011

I had a friend who proposed in a very intimate setting that was special to the two of them and then a few days later his fiancee's sister's BF (you follow that?) proposed on a beach in Florida. My friend and his fiancee were pretty mad about it, but I think his proposal was much more meaningful - they spent the evening at their favorite hang-out spot, listening to their favorite band, and he proposed with his grandmother's wedding ring and took his new fiancee ring shopping the next day! Much more original than a beach (no offense to anyone).

All in all, it happened and you can't change it. Be happy for your sister that her man finally proposed after 6 years! And of course, be excited for your own wedding and marriage!

OBX2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_sister-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:6dda8d44-391a-4546-b433-224039bffbbaPost:8cb6c4ea-2cf2-4485-bad0-8a1b86e9a3cf">Re: Sister Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for the advice everyone. I felt bad for being angry, but I couldn't control it. I have already contacted her to ask her when she was thinking of getting married as my fiance and I already have a date in mind. I couldn't help but asking her when she called to tell me (she lives in another state)<strong> "What, did he feel guilty or something?"</strong> It looks like she is looking for a Spring Wedding and I a Fall Wedding, so we should be good. <strong>I still have the right as the little sister to nag her and say I got engaged first while sticking out my tounge. hehe. And I think I have the better engagement story.
</strong>Posted by panuskavm[/QUOTE]

Congrats to both of you :) LIke PO's said, it can irritate you for a quick minute but move past it and share in this exciting time.

The bolded part though seems a little hurtful IMO....I mean this is your sister we are talking about here. It's one thing to share in the glory of being engaged together but to one-up your sister over who got engaged first is kind of low, especially since she has been with him for so long. It's just hurtful.

Now, your parents on the other hand....their eyes are probably getting huge right now with dollar signs for two weddings, lol.

panuskavm · May 2011

I didn't mean to be hurtful. The words came out before I could stop them> I was in such shock and disbelief that she called me to tell me that while I was all high on my cloud. And I don't think I would ever nag her about it. That being said, I have been telling her for years now thatmy purpose in life is to annoy her and that I am suceeding at it. She laughs everytime I say it. She and I are paying for our own weddings. Our mother has a serious gambling problem, so we know we can't count on our parents for anything. I am trying to get all the information I can to do a wedding on a very low budget. My sisters makes far more money than I do, and her fiance has a very large family, so I know she will most likely be spending a fortune on her wedding and it will probably be nondenominational. My finace is neo-druid and I am starting to fall into that category as well. We are going to be having a small, maybe 50 guests max, handfasting ceremony and reception. I know our weddings will be completley different.

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