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Is It Tacky??

smilelikeshanesmilelikeshane
in New York-Upstate
My fiance and each have different desires for our wedding.  He wants everybody under the sun to be there (including my dad's friends that I don't even know) and doesn't care if we do it in the back yard.  I want it to be intimate (really don't want people congratulating me as I wonder who they might be) and fancy.  So, basically, he wants to spend the budget on quantity and I want to spend it on quality.

We decided a compromise would be to have a small, intimate, fancy wedding with just our closest family and friends (100 people or so - down from the 250 we currently have on the list) and then do a really big casual party in the summer and invite everyone.

Do you think this is tacky?  Part of me feels like it's probably tacky to invite people to a big party in celebration of our marriage moths after we've been married.  Almost like saying, "Hey, you weren't special enough to come to our real wedding but please attend our fake one."  This is especially weird to me if people bring gifts to the party but didn't actually see us get married.

Thoughts on how to handle this?  Is it weird or am I overthinking and it's totally fine?
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Re: Is It Tacky??

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    SarahO55SarahO55
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's tacky...it lets more people share in your celebration. I think the guests at the informal party will understand that wedding costs add up fast and some couples just want a more intimate wedding day, which is fine. I do think you should make it clear that gifts are not expected for the larger party, so it is really just a celebration of the two of you. 
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    littleluckypennylittleluckypenny member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    The 100 people will also be the amount of people at the reception, right???  If so, that's okay.

    It's not tacky to have a big party later on to invite everyone, but I would stay away from anything wedding related.  At that point, it's just a party and has nothing to do with your wedding.

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    ski2playski2play member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    It is not tacky to have a large party, but you must stay away from calling it a wedding party or celebration of your marriage. 

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    PinkRoseAcctPinkRoseAcct
    First Comment
    Don't make it a wedding reception - no cake, no dress,  no dancing, no dj.  Just a summer picnic - and maybe have a photo album of your wedding.  Will you have a new house by then?  Make it a "come see our new house" party, or a "we got a new dog" party or something like that, and you'll be ok.  
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    blakgarnetblakgarnet member
    First Comment
    I think it depends on how you do it.  FSIL just got married and had a very small wedding and dinner reception, excluding the majority of her aunts, uncles and frst cousins.  They had a huge reception 2 months later with pictures of their wedding on the invitation, a slideshow of the wedding during dinner, etc.  Fortunately, she didn't re-wear her dress and they didn't re-do any of the other wedding traditions, but it definitely felt like a "we didn't want all of you at our real wedding, but we don't want to completely exclude you."  it was just awkward.  FI and I are going to have a much larger wedding than I would like in order to invite all his aunts/uncles and first cousins - I wouldn't want any of mine left out!  we're looking at a wedding for 200 instead of the 100-120 I would prefer.  His parents are going to help out more than my parents since his family and parents friends are over 50% of the guest list.
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