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September 2012 Weddings

How to deal...

It's been a month since our wedding. It was beautiful, perfect, I felt like everything came together just like I had imagined. I have such amazing memories from the day that I know I'll continue to cherish. Yet, there was one major issue regarding the day (and the entire planning process as well) that just makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe time will help, but I just don't know.
And that would be my lovely in-laws. I don't have a big issue with my FIL. We get along, he's a fun guy, yadda yadda. MIL is the biggest issue. Neither her nor my FIL wanted to be involved in anything wedding related. I tried in the beginning and it just ended with my MIL in tears going on about how cold and heartless that I was stealing her son from her. Um, we've been living together for 2+ years, he's raised, let it go. So I backed off from bringing her into planning. A guilt trip from her everytime I brought up something to do with the wedding wasn't worth it.
My FIL said several times during the months of our engagement that he was helping financially with the reception. We thanked him, told him we were very grateful. In fact, several times we'd be out at dinner with him (our treat, oddly enough) and he'd be on the phone with friends of his talking about all the overtime he was putting in at work to help with his son's wedding. We never saw a dime. In fact, there were like 5 occasions in the time we were wedding planning where my MIL called and asked us if she could borrow money. Now had these been legitimate "HELP! Our hot water tank burst" emergencies, but no, every single time was because she had spent more than she "meant to" at the casino and now they were in the negative. Everytime that happened it was like a slap in the face. Honestly, the first time she asked, we told her we really didn't have the money and her response was actually, "Well, don't you have money saved up for the wedding? Can't we borrow that?"

Then there was my bridal shower. Much to my surprise, MIL told my husband she'd be attending. Well, spoiler alert, that didn't happen. She did, however, call me in the middle and left me a voicemail asking if I was mad she didn't show up. WTF?

Miraciously, MIL & FIL made it to the rehearsal dinner my parents threw. MIL didn't eat, she complained about the food choices and sat by herself having a pity party. I tried introducing her to my family, but she was cold and rude so I gave up.

Then we come to the wedding day...

Luckily I didn't find out this gem until after the fact, otherwise I might not have been as well composed during the ceremony. My dad later told me that my in-laws didn't even show up until AFTER the ceremony. My dad was hanging out with my husband who was trying to call them and find out why they weren't there yet. My dad offered to stall things and wait, but apparently my husband chose to just go on with things. He told my dad not to tell me until after the fact so I wouldn't be upset. I didn't even notice they weren't there. My husband's vows were beautiful, absolute perfection. He was crying, he had people in the crowd crying..it was amazing. And his parents missed it. I was more hurt for him, knowing his parents didn't care enough to show up on time.

When I saw her for the first time after the ceremony, I was standing with my mom and MIL came up to me, told me I looked nice and said (Oh I WISH I were joking about this) "Make sure you're keeping up with your birth control, I don't want any grandbabies". I had to just walk away because I had such an urge to just smack her across the face. But I wanted to be the graceful bride (thanks to my bridesmaid who gave me a pre-ceremony xanax!).

Then there was the moment during dinner where my MIL came up to the bridal party table to have my BIL call the casino and see if the hotel had a room available for her for that night. Her and my FIL only stayed as long as the Groom/MOG dance and then they were gone.

No congratulations, no card even. Nothing. I just feel...I don't know. I haven't spoken to my MIL since the wedding, though she has asked my husband why I haven't come over to see her. I feel like if I see her, I'll finally let it all fly, like I've been pushed over the edge with her selfishness.

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Re: How to deal...

  • I know it’s hard but let it go. It seems she did all of it to get to you and she’s done it. Focus on your beautiful memories and be your DH’s support, he’ll need it, I’m sure he’s struggling knowing his parents didn’t care to show up to the most important day of your lives.

  • I agree with PP, don't let her win on this one. If you let her get to you that's totally what she was going for and she wins! 

    That being said I totally wouldn't blame you if you decided that you wanted to cut her out of your life more than you had before the wedding BUT remember that as much as you both may be mad at her, she stil is his mother and that's not easy whether someone admits it or not

  • Wow, that's pretty crazy. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. You're handling it very well though. As hard as it sounds, I think the others are right. You need to let it go. Not sure if I could, if I were you. . . in time it'll get easier. Good luck and best wishes to you. Hugs too!
  • wow, and I thought my MIL was a real jerk during my planning process and the wedding.  I'm sorry you had to go through that.  I do agree with PP though, as hard as it may be just try to let it go.  GL
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