Future mama BS (kinda long)

DondadaTimes2 · March 2011

Ok...Im not trying to come off as gift grabby cuz theres a lot more to it but Josh and I were going through the list of who got us what from the shower and realized his mom didnt give us anything. She really hasnt done a darn thing for us actually and Im starting think she has a problem with me...

She gave us $700 and said "this is for the wedding/rehearsal dinner/whatever. But dont spend it on the wedding and still expect me to do the dinner" But Joshs dad offered to do the dinner so her $$ went toward the photographer. Then my mom asks his mom and stepmom if they wanna do one big shower or seperate (so no one is uncomfortable in a small setting) and his mom says "youre gunna have to do 1 big 1 b/c I gave them $$. If they spent it thats theyre problem. Im not giving more". Needless to say my mom wanted to scream b/c my parents also gave us quite a large amount and now she has to do the shower for his family too? But again his stepmom stepped up and offered to pay half and my mom swallowed her irritation.

Then my mom and his stepmom go out and buy us the bigger gifts on our registeries and they both spend a few hours setting up the place. His mom gets us nothing then drops off a few centerpieces (that she had frm a previous wedding) and peaced out. Came in for the shower, sulked around, and at 5 said she had to work and bolted (shes retail...stored closed at 6. Liar.)

Josh and I are just kind of shocked. She was a million times more gracious for her stepsons wedding...the stepson she cant stand! So does this mean she hates me?! Josh and his mom have always been really close, then she started drinking and he couldnt be around her much...but Im wondering if she thinks its my fault.

I dont wanna play the "she has $$ card" b/c its not even just that. I showed her an idea I had that required pictues of Josh and I for every yr of our lives and asked if she had pics I could use. Told her if she could get them together for me then Id look through them. Ill do the grunt work. Im gunna copy them so none of them are ruined and she'll get them all right back. That was 3 months ago and every weekend she has a d@mn excuse. Josh finally asked where they were and said he would get them himself. "No Josh you wont. Theyre in the attic and its cold up there. You can wait til it warms up" What?! Josh works outside all day in any weather...so what the hell is her issue?!

Im ready to scream. I just want to tell her how sad it is when her own son says he cant wait til I graduate so we can move outta state. What is her problem?!

emierose · March 2011

hmm.. first of all, sorry..that does stink! Secondly, it doesn't mean she hates you, it means she's got some of her own issues going on, but who know what. ugh...
Case in point - my own mother. I KNOW she doesn't hate me. At first she was sooo excited we got engaged, overjoyed I thought. She offered to help with $$, and also buy my dress. But then as our engagement stretched out, things changed. She started to seem to have some issues about our wedding, changing the topic anytime it came up, making snide remarks about the process of our engagement, and then when we picked up my dress last month she announced "oh, I'm getting married May 1."
Long story short, she like, needed to have some distraction, so now she's made it all about her, and makes weird remarks when people try to put the attention on me or my FI. Her FI is RICH, but she always plays the poor card. I mean, its rumored the old man is a millionaire, but she told my SIL that "Emily's wedding isn't important now", and told me that she'd rather not give us $$ cause of her own wedding cost (which is at her house, and I got her a SICK deal with my photog). Thanks mom.
So, the point of my rant here, is that I know my own mother loves me very much, but is having some major emotional issues going on, when she started to feel uncomfortable dealing wtih her only daughter's impending wedding, and possibly dealing with memories of her own wedding/marriage that ended? IDK? Either way, all I can say is, I love my mom, and I'm trying to let it go, and I just thank my lucky stars for FIL's rock-solid support and my dad too!
So, maybe this is partially how your FMIL is feeling? it's a very complicated weird thing, but I am sure underneath it all, she does love you!

sbolger17 · March 2011

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. That sucks. I agree with Emie; I'm sure she doesn't hate you; it just sounds like she has other issues right now, maybe the drinking or maybe it's "losing" her little boy, who knows?

It doesn't sound like her $700 gift towards the wedding was given very graciously but at least you know where you stand. She probably didn't give you a shower gift because she feels like she's already given you a large gift. I don't see why she can't get a $10 kitchen gadget, but whatever. I don't really know what the protocol is.

My mom is weird about money too. She always plays the poor card and she's not poor either! It gets irritating sometimes.

kevinandmonica2011 · March 2011

OMG. She hates you.

DondadaTimes2 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_future-mama-bs-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:403d3818-125c-43ae-ad9f-812160f39bb2Post:93e18580-eaf8-4170-9bcb-59fed28f6d9f">Re: Future mama BS (kinda long)</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG. She hates you.
Posted by kevinandmonica2011[/QUOTE]

Thats what Im sayin!!!

(Haha sorry, not sure why I felt the bolded, red font was necessary)

Future mama BS (kinda long)

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