Not Engaged Yet

What do you call your SO?


I have almost always referred to BF by his first name in conversation instead of just referring to 'my bf'. It works fine in 90% of my life, but in professional situations, referring to a BF makes me feel, IKD, immature I guess. I mean after 9 years, BF doesn't seem to really sum up all that he means to me. I've thought about 'significant other', but that seems trite and cliched, and 'partner' seems like I'm being vague about a same sex lifestyle. 

During our porch drinking night friday I was joking with him about my thoughts on this saying that really I was just feeling lame calling him my boyfriend when I'm 32. he told me he understood and thats why he just refers to me as his wife. 

WTF?  I was totally shocked. I know thats the people he says it to know that we are just dating, and it mostly in a joking way, but still that struck me as odd. I have never refereed to him as my husband, even to people who know our situation or even as a joke.  

So what do you ladies call your BFs? What to they call you? Would you find it odd to hear that your BF referred to you as 'the wife'? Do you think I'm crazy for being taken aback by the fact that BF calls me 'the wife'? 

Also, I just looked at the clock and this going to be a P/R b/c I have to leave for my second job, but I'll check back as soon as I can!




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Re: What do you call your SO?

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO
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    I call him my boyfriend. He calls me his girlfriend. I would think it was really wierd if he called me his wife and I'd probably ask him not to.


  • Depends on who I am talking to. Friends/family/coworkers its his name. Strangers he's my FI. To his older brother's friends we are husband/wife, if they come into the bar I work at they will ask me where my husband is.

    He cant call me his FI. He said he doesn't like the way the word sounds when he says it, not that he's ashamed of it. But he doesn't correct strangers when they call me his wife.

    Weird thing is when we first started dating and I had to start calling him by his first name, not his last name like everyone does/did. He is still listed in my phone by his last name.

     

  • motoLynmotoLyn
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    With coworkers and people I barely know I refer to him by his first name.  Boyfriend is an odd term to say when I was past the age of 28, at that point I just say significant other.  I also don't like the sound of fiance or fiancée.... just doesn't sit well with me.  In the company of friends and family he's referred to as "Danish Man".  Danish Man introduces me and refers to me as his better half.  Honestly though neither of us really use the word girlfriend or boyfriend when we were dating or fiance/fiancée when we are engaged.  23 days and I can refer to him as one lucky SOB for landing a catch like me and he can say "wife".
  • Lots of FI's friends refer to their GFs as their wives or "the wife". I don't usually take it as a positive thing TBH, it almost sounds belittling and condescening a lot of the time. Not saying that's your situation, just an observation I've made among my much younger crowd (where no one is actually married, and very few couples even live together). 

    I call FI my partner or by name unless I absolutely must call him my fiance (situations where it would be confusing otherwise). I refer to everyone's BFs/GFs/FIs as partners. When I started doing it a few years ago, I would get funny looks. Now no one thinks twice. I usually say "he" somewhere else in the conversation (just happens naturally), so I don't really think it looks like I'm trying to hide a same-sex lifestyle. And if it does, whatever. I feel show-offy when I say fiance. 
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  • When I introduce bf to people, it's "my other half". Or he'll introduce himself as "her other half". We've been using this a lot lately when introducing ourselves to our new neighbors. Not that it's their business what the status of our relationship is, but it's just what I've come to enjoy saying. :)
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • With people who don't know him by name, I call H "my husband" which took some getting used to. Before that it was "fiance" and before that it was "boyfriend."

    I guess it didn't bother me too much having a boyfriend at 30. That's what he was.
  • I always say boyfriend, he says girlfriend. It doesn't bother me at all! 

    What's funny to me is when people ask us how long we've been together since we're still pretty young. I'm a junior and he's a senior in college. Whenever I say we met my freshman year, they assume I mean of college and when I correct them they are dumbfounded. It cracks me up everytime.
  • When we were dating, it was boyfriend/girlfriend, while we were engaged, it was fiance/fiancee, and now it's husband/wife.  But then again, we were 23 and 27 when we got engaged, so before then, using BF/GF didn't feel weird.

    My parents friends who are in their 50's and have been together for over 20 years still introduce each other as BF/GF though too, so maybe that's why it doesn't strike me as an age thing.
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  • We just call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. BF has a friend that calls every long term girlfriend his 'wife', even to people who dont really know him. Tons of people thought he was married, even though he says he is against marriage, and doesnt intend on ever getting married. It really bugs me about him, and I flinch internally whenever he calls his gf his 'wife'.
    If BF started calling me wife I would just be reminded of this friend, and Id tell him to either marry me, or knock it off!
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  • To people I am not close to, I refer to him as my FI, though I am actually more comfortable saying BF just because I feel like I sound arrogant when I call FI my FI (other people don't, I just do, ha!).

    To close people (who know his name and his relation to me) I call him his first name.

    When we talk about each other, to each other, we still use BF and GF. Example: I ironed all his work shirts this weekend, and I said, "Aren't I just the best little girlfriend?" We know that he is my fiance and I am his fiancee, we're just so use to the label of BF and GF that we just use it. I've been his GF for 5 years and his FI for 2 months -  so it is just habbit I guess. Now, once we get married I am sure we'll use wife and husband (though I will still miss boyfriend and girlfriend, makes me feel younger!)

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  • Yeah, we call each other fiance since that's what we are.
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  • When my FI and I were still dating, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.  Now that we're engaged it's fiance and fiancee.  Except every once in a while someone in his family slips up and refers to me as his wife.  It doesn't bother me.  I mean if it was all the time it might get a little bit weird, but not once in a while.
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  • I call him my BF to strangers and by his name to people who know him.  As far as I know he does the same.  It's wierd that in my 30's I'm still using the term boyfriend, but oh well I know one day it will change. I'd rather have a loving bf than a FI or husband who doesn't treat me well.

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  • I never liked the word "boyfriend" either.  I think my aversion to it, though, was just due to the fact that I was in college when I got my first "boyfriend" and I never quite adjusted to saying it...  I had spent so long without ever using the term...  ha.

    Now, though, I don't like "fiance" either.  I say it when I have to, but I just refer to him by name as often as I can.

    I'm really not looking forward to the word "husband" either.  I'm just weird with relationship titles, I guess.  He's just my...  Nick.  There's no other word for him.
  • Depends on who I'm with. With him, our closest friends, closest family, and in business transactions currently he is my Fiance. We've agreed to be married, set a date, and started the purchases. He wants to do an official proposal when the ring gets here (I'm excited :) like a kid on christmas eve right now just love this man). To him "Handsome" because to me he's the most handsome man ever :). To those who are halfway in the circle know its coming but not how far the arrangements are really I call him my Fiance to Be or Boyfriend. Everyone else he's my boyfriend its none of their business yet.

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  • In Response to Re: What do you call your SO?:
    I never liked the word "boyfriend" either.  I think my aversion to it, though, was just due to the fact that I was in college when I got my first "boyfriend" and I never quite adjusted to saying it...  I had spent so long without ever using the term...  ha. Now, though, I don't like "fiance" either.  I say it when I have to, but I just refer to him by name as often as I can. I'm really not looking forward to the word "husband" either.  I'm just weird with relationship titles, I guess.  He's just my...  Nick.  There's no other word for him.
    Posted by Elle1036
    I'm with this as well I tend to call my man by this rather than titles. I love him no matter what the world wants to title him and that is what matters most that you belong to each other.
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  • One of my nicknames for my boyfriend (and I usually use boyfriend) is studly. I once made the mistake when one of my students asked who the guy in the picture was with me on my desk, and I responded, "Oh, that's my studly!"  NEVER lived it down. In fact, when the student came by when the BF was in the classroom, she turned to him and asked, "Oh, are you studly?!"

    *fail*
  • In Response to Re: What do you call your SO?:
    One of my nicknames for my boyfriend (and I usually use boyfriend) is studly. I once made the mistake when one of my students asked who the guy in the picture was with me on my desk, and I responded, "Oh, that's my studly!"  NEVER lived it down. In fact, when the student came by when the BF was in the classroom, she turned to him and asked, "Oh, are you studly?!" *fail*
    Posted by becunning2
    Hehehehehe.

    My brother heard me say "Hey, Snickerdoodle" to Nick once (that's my pet name for him) and he'll never let me forget it.  I'll never forget the look of utter glee on his face when he heard me say it.
  • At least he's family Elle!  My STUDENTS know my pet name for my boyfriend. Sometimes they ask me how studly is or if he's proposed yet. (My students, alas, are all BSC about him propising to me).
  • I think in general my aversion to calling BF my 'Boyfriiend' is that it doesn't really encompass all that we are to each other. We've been together for 9 years, lived together for the past 3 and are considered parts of the others respective families. Saying 'boyfriend' just doesn't cover all of that, IMHO. 

    I think I just might start going with Beads's plan and just call him my partner with some 'he's scattered in there. If people think I'm hiding a same sex life style then that's their issue. 

    As for him calling me 'wife', I'm kinda torn on the issue. I don't think its meant in a condescending or disparaging manner, and a few guys he works with refer to their live- in GF's as 'wife', so I guess its not that odd. I just kinda think that if he's gonna call me his wife then he should just make it official already ;) 



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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925
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    FI refers to me as his wife, and has for at least two years. Conversations usually go like this:

    (I enter the room.)
    FI: There's my beautiful wife!
    (I glance behind me)
    Me: Where? You have a wife? I'm totally not marrying you if you have a wife. I'm not cool with being a sister wife.

    Rewind and repeat with small script changes.

    I call him by what he is.
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  • In Response to Re: What do you call your SO?:
    One of my nicknames for my boyfriend (and I usually use boyfriend) is studly. I once made the mistake when one of my students asked who the guy in the picture was with me on my desk, and I responded, "Oh, that's my studly!"  NEVER lived it down. In fact, when the student came by when the BF was in the classroom, she turned to him and asked, "Oh, are you studly?!" *fail*
    Posted by becunning2
    hysterical

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  • In Response to Re: What do you call your SO?:
    One of my nicknames for my boyfriend (and I usually use boyfriend) is studly. I once made the mistake when one of my students asked who the guy in the picture was with me on my desk, and I responded, "Oh, that's my studly!"  NEVER lived it down. In fact, when the student came by when the BF was in the classroom, she turned to him and asked, "Oh, are you studly?!" *fail*
    Posted by becunning2

    That is too funny!





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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC
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    Wrkn, that's awesome.

    M is my boyfriend.  I am his girlfriend.

    And I really thought that this was going to be a thread on ridiculous names we have for them.  :)
    I french with my man
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  • We said BF/GF when we were dating, FI when we were engaged, and now I suppose H/W since we are married. I never felt weird calling him BF or now H, but I hated the term fiance. I don't know why.
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  • In social settings I just refer to him by his first name since we either know all the same people at this point. Even if it's distance college friends that have never met him, they know of him. Same on his side. 

    In professional settings I tend to either use the term "significant other" or "partner." I agree with OP that calling him my "boyfriend" sounds odd to me. I think it makes me sound too much like a student (I teach undergrads). Although I don't think I've thought about it one way or another when someone else calls their SO their boyfriend/girlfriend.
  • Ollie08Ollie08 Central FL
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    In Response to Re: What do you call your SO?:
    Lennon, I felt the exact same way that you did.  Especially in certain work or professional settings, when we were discussing relocating together before we were engaged.  I got some side-eyes when I talked about relocating for my boyfriend.  Boyfriend could have meant someone I met a week earlier!  But when you think about it, fiance could too, haha.  People do crazier things! I HATE the term fiance.  It just sounds stupid in my head.
    Posted by polo1425
    I know I'm late to the party, but I'm trying to be more active, so you'll have to put up with my tardiness :-)

    I agree with this completely. I hate referring to a BF especially in work situations. I already struggle with the way people perceive me since I'm so young, I don't like how some people may perceive me as young and immature with having a "boyfriend". I think it's also amplified because I have two kids from a previous marriage. Most people assume that I've never been married, and my kids are a result of wreckless behavior etc. I just feel judged pretty much all the time.

    As for what I actually call J, I refer to him by name often, even if people don't know who he is. I just imply that he is my domestic partner of the opposite sex. If I do ever put a title I usually go for "my other half" before settling with a term BF. I have another unique situation like you lennon because a few months ago we were engaged, so it's difficult to explain what we are with a simple title.

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  • RWS2011RWS2011
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    becunning, that story cracks me up!

    I only felt weird calling my guy BF in a few situations, usually at work and around the PTO, where most people are married and a bit older than me.  I guess I agree with some PP, that it made me feel less mature or not on the same level somehow.  Even though, as lennon said, you may have been through a lot with that person.  

    I often call him by name or "my fella."  He called me his GF, now we both use fiance.  Wife would be odd for me at this point.  I don't love titles either for the very reason we see on these boards, that one couple might know each other for 1 year or less and be married, while another could date for 10+ years; the title of marriage obviously holds a different connotation than a BF/GF, but does not always tell your full story.  

    Another issue I have is that legally, same sex couples do not ever get to transition to the wed status.  It does not bother me at all to hear some of my lesbian friends in long term relationships call each other wifey.
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  • I generally refer to him as "Chad", "my boyfriend" or "my guy" at work depending who I am talking to. (This was before he became FI). I agree that in some situations BF sounds teenager-ish...so i've subbed it for my guy.

    I would be shocked if FI called me "wife" anywhere in his life. To me, that should only be used after marriage. I'm sure it's easier than saying "the woman I have been in a long term relationship with and will most likely marry some day", but still. I guess, though, I don't honestly know how FI refers to me when i'm not around...

    Married 6.22.13

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  • Hehe! I'm glad my story amused you all. :)
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