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Unity Candle/Special Music

jacki_suejacki_sue member
2500 Comments
in Christian Weddings
Okay, so like most of you, we're having a special song performed during our ceremony.  I decided that I'd like to do the unity candle during that time, because no matter how much I love my future husband, there's no way I'd feel NOT like a moron standing there staring at him the whole three and a half minutes of that song.  lol

But here's the problem.  The unity candle thing won't take that long.  So unless we think of something else to fill that time, I'm standing in front of everyone for the longest three minutes of my life.

My pastor and I suggested that after the unity candle, we just kneel down at the altar and pray for our marriage while the song finishes.  I LOVED this idea - FI did NOT!  He told me in private the reason was that he thought he might "lose it."  He's such a tough guy, and doesn't want anyone to see that.  Haha.

I'm still pushing for prayer time, but told FI I'd honestly try to find an alternative.  Any ideas, ladies?

J
Jacki and Wes ~ 10.2.10
Perfect love drives out fear.
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Re: Unity Candle/Special Music

  • megaroohowdoudomegaroohowdoudo
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My fi refused to do a unity candle, every guy has his thing, instead he preferred to tie a cord, one representing me, him, and the third, God, in reference to the verse. Any time I've seen someone do a unity candle during a song, they just light the candle and then with their backs turned just chit chat quietly pretending to still be lighting it. If that's not much help, I'm sorry :p
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have seen the bride and groom give flowers to their moms right after they lit the candle.
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  • B&B1221B&B1221
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If your fiance is anything like mine, he is going to "lose it" the second you start walking down the aisle.  So, having some time to kneel and pray, will also give you both some time to take out the stashed kleenexes and do a little maintenance without anyone knowing.   But, if he is completely against the idea, is there any way to cut the song down a little so you don't feel awkward standing there?  Or, I suppose you could always have the candlelighters come up and light the individual candles when the song starts, and then you two can go light the unity candle.  I have no idea if that is ever done that way, but it would kill some time in the song.   :-) 
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  • tickledpinkraintickledpinkrain
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've been to several weddings where the couple did the unity candle during the song, then returned back to their spot and just chit chatted quietly in front of everyone.  Every single time it was actually really endearing and cute.  Everyone got to witness their love first hand in real time.  It was as if they were the only 2 people in the entire room.  Staring into each others eyes in front of a lot of people does seem cheesy and awkward, I would totally use that as a time to joke with my FI about our future reception or what not!  GL
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  • jessicamarierayjessicamarieray
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I once saw the couple light the candle, then go hug both sets of parents.  It looked sweet (especially for pictures) and took up enough time for the musicians to finish.
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  • On_Cloud_NineOn_Cloud_Nine member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm with you on that standing in front of people is just awkward for 3.5 minutes. People know we're in love...it's why we're getting married. We don't need to stand there and small talk while people watch. Haha.

    What you could do to eat up some time is when the music starts, have one memeber from each of your families (mother, grandmother?) come up to light the two side candles, then when they return to their seats, you two can light the middle one. That should take up about a minute or so. You could also hug them after they light their candle, which takes up some more time.

    Also, do you have to use the whole song? FI and I are most likely going to have a small moment of silent prayer between us before we pour sand (Sand Ceremony) to take up some time, but we're going to have the DJ stop the song when we're done, no matter what part of the song it is.

    Good luck!
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    We did not do a unity candle.  We had two songs during the ceremony.  During both songs we just listened to the music like the rest of our guests (and we probably exchanged a few words, but not many).  I didn't feel like it was awkward at all.  Our guests were listening to the music and looking at the musicians, not us.  If you end up just doing the unity candle and then going back to standing in front of your pastor, it should be just fine.
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Oh and we weren't looking at each other.  We were looking at the musicians while they sang.
    image
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