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Moms and Maids

FMIL feeling left out

Hey everyone! I really need some advice here. My FMIL and I have always had a pretty decent relationship. Of course, like everyone else, we've had our moments, but for the most part we get along great. However, now, two months before our wedding, she is suddenly upset that I have not included her in the planning. I am currently in nursing school and that keeps me very busy so I try my hardest to only do major wedding planning on my short breaks from school. Our wedding is going to be pretty simple so there aren't a whole lot of things to do and decisions to make anyway. I haven't meant not to include her and I understand where she is coming from, but I just don't know what to do about it. I don't want to go into this marriage with his mom hating me, but it seems like that's where we are headed. Any advice on how I can include her or what to say to make things better would be greatly appreciated!

Re: FMIL feeling left out

  • sparent2010sparent2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Have you FI talk to her about what she is feeling left out about and what she would like to help in. She will be more honest with him more likely. Then do your best to have her included with the planning. 
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  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You have legitimate reasons for not including her, even though you didn't mean to on purpose. Just have your FI explain that a) you are super busy and b) the wedding is simple so there isn't much to do, or if you are close with her and email with her or something, you could even drop her a line and let her know you aren't leaving her out of anything. 

    Is she helping with anything at all? RD, pitching in financially, etc? If she has offered, you could take her up on her gifts, and if she has already done things for you both, be sure to remind her how much those things mean/meant to you.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    You do not have to include her at all unless she is paying.  However, it is nice of you to want to include her in the planning process.  Like a PP said I would just have your FI talk to her.  I think your reasonings for not including her are perfectly acceptable and like you said it isn't like you did it on purpose.  IMO I think she needs to grow and get over it...but that is me being insensitive :)

  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe even just emailing her occasional updates would help? I would love to include my FMIL more, but as she lives several states away we really can't. She IS doing stuff for the RD (she offered) and that seems to be making her happy. She also loves hearing about how the planning is going and I send her as many pictures as I can of new things.

    We've also made some plans for the day before the wedding to get nails done - the entire BP and my Mom - and invited her a long so taht gives her something to look forward to as well and makes her feel included.
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  • Miranda2911Miranda2911 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Why not give her a special job? Make a slideshow for the reception, plan the Sunday morning brunch, something that lets her feel like she is contributing to the day. I also like the idea of sending her updates, or asking her to contact vendors. Above all, I would say honestly and directly that you are so sorry that you did not include her, and you want to fix that if you can. Ask her if she has any ideas or areas where she would liket o get involved and assure her that you and you hubby will continue to be close to her after the wedding.
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