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Just finished my thank you notes from shower & having an anxiety attack

gymchick05gymchick05
1000 Comments
in New Jersey

I had my shower last weekend, so I wanted to get my thank you notes done as soon as possible. I was just finishing them up and looking for the addresses for FMIL friends that she invited to my shower. As I am looking, I realized 3 people she invites, and came (!) to the shower were not on the list of names she gave me to invite to the wedding. My mom of course wouldnt have known this when she was doing the shower invites, since she just sent my mom a list of who she'd like to come.  We are over budget anyway and AT my shower, FMIL tells me she has two more couples she needs to invite. Now, there are 3 more couples in addition that I guess Im gonna have to invite cause how can you invite someone to a shower and not the wedding. WTF! I am just so annoyed right now and trying so hard not to bitch to FI about it. What should I do, pretend I didnt notice so I dont have to pay for 3 more couples? I mean at this point, even if we tell FILs they have to pay for these guests, if they cant, we still are stuck inviting them. And I was finally feeling less stressed about planning- ARRRR! Sorry for the vent!

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Re: Just finished my thank you notes from shower & having an anxiety attack

  • peaches178peaches178
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yuck... that definitely stinks!  If I were you, I would talk to your FMIL about the extra people you realized were at the shower and see what she says.  If she says that she meant to put them on the original invite list (which most likely is the case), then you AND your FI need to have a major sitdown with her to explain that finances are tight and unless she is willing and able to help you out with the additional individiuals and couples she has been adding, you simply can't invite them and she'll have to explain the situation to them.  Hopefully, that'll be the reality check she needs to realize that she has to contribute some money and she has to stop inviting people (I highly doubt she'll opt to not invite someone who was invited to the shower as it's incredibly rude).  

    Regardless of what you decide to do and how you decide to broach the subject with your FMIL, I definitely wouldn't just pretend like you didn't notice.
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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I really think at this point, if someone was invited to the shower, whether they came or not, they have to be invited to the wedding. I don't really think it would be appropriate for your FMIL to talk to those people and tell them they can't come to the wedding. You and FI should just explain to her that finances are tight, and since they weren't included on the original budget, hopefully she can help out with the cost of adding those few additional people.
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  • NJhousewife22NJhousewife22 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That definitely blows goats. Peaches is right on with her advice.

    Seriously what IS it with parents overtaking the guest list for weddings??? It seems like everyone I know has this issue whether the parents are paying or not!

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  • cutiepie12702cutiepie12702
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Wow - that is really ridiculous! I would tell your FI to have this discussion with her and tell her that it was really wrong to do that, and now she's going to have to pay for these people because they were not part of the budget and inviting them puts you way over the top and you simply cannot afford it. I know you don't want to bitch to your FI about it, but it really is his problem because his mother was the one who created this whole issue. Don't let this bother you - just let him take care of it for you. You are almost there - just hang in there for a few more weeks!!

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  • shoebieshoebie member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wouldent invite them let you fmil look like the ass its your wedding not hers if you do not put your foot down now you are setting up a long life of getting pushed around.
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  • gymchick05gymchick05
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know she didnt do it on purpose- its just annoying, as well as embarressing since now their invites are going out way after the others. Im very organized, so stuff like this kills me. What seems to have happened, looking at it, is FI's brother is getting married a few weeks after us. They sent me a copy of their wedding list since I wanted to know ppls first names as well as last names. the list FILs gave me only had 1st names. Anyway, looking at their list, these ppl are on it, but they are not on the list she gave us. My guess is she got confused and invited them to my shower after looking at the list she gave FIs brother. Its still annoying, but after taking w/ FI and my mom, we decided we will invite the ones who actually came to the shower- it will prob only be an additional 3 people, since one isnt married and since many of FIs family we assumed would be coming are now not coming, it should work out OK. FI did tell his mom and she did apologize, I think she just got confused. But since I do not have any more invites, they will get something else quick. And there will be no more additions after this :) Ah! haha
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  • maddie7maddie7 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wouldnt worry, you will get a bunch of cancellations unfortunately so just invite them.
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