One of my bridesmaids committed suicide yesterday. Very few people knew, but she had an opiate addiction that she refused to get help for, and her partner kicked her out because of the toll it was taking on their relationship. She apparently took some pills, and then hung herself in her partner's garage.
Obviously, she chose this, and part of me is very angry with her, but another part of me is so sad. Given the fact that she was supposed to be in my wedding party, I almost feel like I should honor her in some way...but would it be tacky, given the circumstances of her death? I don't want to replace her, and I don't want a morbid air to the wedding...but she was a close friend that should have been standing up next to me.
Re: Bridesmaid committed suicide
Don't replace her. You can put a "memoriam" in your programs or light a candle for her at the ceremony or reception. Something like that.
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I like several of the suggestions above: carry something of hers, dance to her favorite song, etc. Try not to worry that it will be bringing attention to her suicide; you're honoring her life regardless of how she passed.
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[QUOTE]Dude. It was yesterday. I think you should just mourn for now and figure out how to handle it in regards to your wedding some other time.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
<div>I will be honest OP, this was my first thought too. Unless your wedding is next week, you have some time to figure out how to 'remember' her at the wedding. </div>
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I think honoring her at the cereminy would be lovely, and I don't think it would be tacky at all. Lighting a memorial candle or including her name in the program would be a great way to remember your friend.
There was a saddness in the air, regaurdless because it happened shortly before the wedding. However, I think the way it was handled was done tactfullly. Everyone missed her, but her place in the wedding was honored, and the wedding was still the main focus.
Dudes - I think it's really tacky to tell someone how to grieve.
You could put a memoriam to her in the programs. No need to explain. Yes, she committed suicide, but obviously was troubled. This would be a nice way to honor her.
I agree with PPs - take your time and just grieve, however you need to do that. When you do think about it again, I think a subtle reminder would be nice. As PPs mentioned, something like playing her favorite song, wearing a piece of her jewelry, lighting a candle, etc. You want to remember her and feel like she is still a part of the wedding, but you don't want it to be overwhelming. I liked what the PP said about walking with a candle and putting it in her spot, but I think I'd be so sad seeing that, even without knowing her. I'm sure she'd want you to focus on having a beautiful and fun wedding, and not worrying too much about her. Good luck figuring it out, and again I'm so sorry.
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Also I agree that no one should be telling you how to grieve. There is no right way to grieve. Everyone does it in their own way. Some people like to stay busy so they dont have to deal with the pain.
At my wedding I am having a table with candles & photos of close friends/relatives who have passed away so that they can sort of "be there".
Don't stress too much about her part in the wedding. Just try to work through your grief first and go from there.
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