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Which state to host?

musicalaurenmusicalauren
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
I'm from Georgia- I went to school out of state at met my fiance in Illinois. We are finishing up our last year of college. While planning the wedding and when we get married, we are probably going to be student teaching/interning/working in the Chicago area.

My initial thought upon engagement was that the wedding would be in Illinois, because we would be there to plan it. Also, generally more people (his family and most of our friends) are in the state.

Upon further discussion, I learned that it is tradition to hold the wedding in the bride's hometown. Also, it seems that my family expects it to be in Georgia. My parents are probably paying for the wedding, but isn't it a problem for the bride to plan a wedding 600 miles away? I'd really like to be able to look for and plan things on my own if need be.

Does anyone have a similar problem? Insights?
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Re: Which state to host?

  • eureka30030eureka30030
    First Comment

    Hi there- I'm from Georgia too and in a somewhat similar situation. I met my fiance in GA, but about 4 years ago we moved to California together. Both our families are in GA & NC, however we will be getting married in our home, California. However, we are not expecting any help from our families either. My main reasoning for having it in our new home state is like you said, I want to be around to plan & look for items on my own. 
    A couple other things we considered though were: -the weather in GA vs. CA (I really don't wanna be dripping in sweat and smothered by humidity on my day); -a wedding in GA would end up being a huge affair, with each family wanting to invite everyone that they know; -being so far away I would not be able to personalize it as much as I would like, and i would be getting input & ideas from EVERYBODY, plus having to have my mom or sister handle things for me; -i really want our pet pitty to be a part of the ceremony, that's a no-go in GA unless I wanna drive for 3 days to get her there; -we thought it would be nice to make the wedding weekend more of a relaxed retreat/vacation/reunion for our families (although this is mainly due to the fact that our families are not helping $ wise, I would feel a bit guilty about asking people to shell out so much $$ in travel expenses if they were also paying for the wedding). 

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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    The tradition of hosting in where the bride's family lives comes from a time when the bride got married right out of her parents' house.  It isn't really common anymore.  

    You can get married anywhere you like.  However, you should have a conversation with your parents if they have offered money.  Their money may be contingent on the wedding being convenient for them.  If that's the case, you may have to choose between your preferred location and their money.  
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment

    It is infinitely easier to plan the wedding where you are living.

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  • kimiandgarykimiandgary
    First Comment
    I am from California and moved to Oregon for school. I have lived here (OR) for 7 years and my FI's family is from here.

    I am getting married in CA. My parents are paying for the wedding and all of my family is in CA. Logistically, it was much easier to have 25 OOT guests than over 75.

    As far as planning a wedding from far away, it hasn't been more stressful than I think it would have been if I were hosting the wedding in OR. We put in the budget the plane rides for me to get to appointments and there are a few things to work out, but it really isn't that hard. Especially with the internet and Skype.

    My mom has been an amazing help so that has removed some of the burden. You did mention your parents are footing the bill so their input will be drastically important on this decision.
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  • mes54mes54
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I have planned my entire wedding from 1500 miles away. Have the wedding wherever you feel most comfortable! But, if you are receiving financial help, at least discuss it with those contributing.
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  • MangoSongMangoSong member
    First Comment
    edited June 2012
    I'm a BM in my friend's wedding. She's from Boston and her FI is from NJ. The wedding is in NJ. While traditionally the wedding has been held where the bride is from, her FI's arguement is, their life together has been in NJ. He has no ties to Boston or MA. While she has both friends and family in MA, they started their lives together in NJ and have a lot of ties together there too. The bride has gotten some comments from extended family members, but, they have stood firm on their decision.

    I think that if your parents are paying, well, it's pretty much up to them. If they deflect back to you and ak you where would you like to hold it, well, your life with your FI started in Chicago, so if that's where you would like to hold it, as long as your parents are okay with it, I don't see a problem. You will always have people who want you to hold it at ABC and do XYZ, but it's your wedding and unless it's your parents, they have no say and you can't make everyone happy.
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