slow at setting a date

Speechie1970 · April 2010

My fiancee and I dated for four and half years before he proposed. I never pushed him about it. That's really not my style. We have been enagaged for two and half months and have not set a date yet. I would like to start planning but have done everything I can without knowing when and where we are getting married. Anyone else out there have a groom who is slow at setting the date? What did you do?

PharmacyBride · April 2010

Start by talking about it casually. During car rides, while cooking, etc. Get a feel for what he likes.. size of wedding, formality, type of venue, wedding season/year .. based on his input- you can start getting brochures and website info from various vendors.

Finding a location and picking a date is the first thing we did when we got engaged and after that - my FH hasn't done a whole lot. He constantly tells me how much he appreciates all my hard work and ideas (can you tell he has recently married guys at work giving him advice- lol)- but he hasn't contributed much himself.

Picking a date and location is important - because they book up fast. It also determines the style of your wedding, size, and budget. Everything is based off of it. Take the practical approach with him if nothing else works and then see what happens. (sometimes guys are just dumb about how much planning goes into weddings or how early you have to book things).

I hope planning can get going for you- it is a ton of fun

chickfire13 · April 2010

I have been engaged for 2 months, still don't have a date or location (and have been together for 7 years before he proposed) but seeing as I don't plan on getting married until next spring (fall and winter are out due to family commitments, and this summer is too soon) I figure I have a bit of time but yeah I am starting to stress about it. I really want a date and location so I can at least have that settled.

*Barbie* · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_slow-setting-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:77b58e9e-ca29-458e-8469-ca004e86f0b5Post:bf3ae91a-5a1a-4380-afd0-d48bb0c6932b">slow at setting a date</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiancee and I dated for four and half years before he proposed. I never pushed him about it. That's really not my style. We have been enagaged for two and half months and have not set a date yet. I would like to start planning but have done everything I can without knowing when and where we are getting married. Anyone else out there have a groom who is slow at setting the date? What did you do?
Posted by Speechie1970[/QUOTE]

<div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:'Times New Roman';line-height:normal;font-size:medium;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">if you can't talk to your FI about when you/he would like to get married, you probably shouldn't be marrying him. seriously, how hard is it to say, "Honey, I was thinking it would be nice to get married in (month/season/year/location) - what do you think?"</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">Based on his opinion and the availability of the (church/venue/destination/etc.) and any other <em>currently planned </em>major life events (graduations/other marriages/births/etc.) for you guys and your family/friends, you pick a date. </div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">This isn't rocket surgery. </div></span></div>

Butter Cookie · April 2010

Actually I was the one changing dates and pushing things further away. Part of it was finances, but part of it was just because I needed more time. We're getting married in September.

You might start by figuring out a budget, and talking about the big picture. What kind of wedding and reception do you both see?

Also: FI doesn't care when we get married, as long as we get married.

Heffalump · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_slow-setting-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:77b58e9e-ca29-458e-8469-ca004e86f0b5Post:45979d90-7536-4a66-9303-7debba594450">Re: slow at setting a date</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to slow at setting a date : if you can't talk to your FI about when you/he would like to get married, you probably shouldn't be marrying him. seriously, how hard is it to say, "Honey, I was thinking it would be nice to get married in (month/season/year/location) - what do you think?" Based on his opinion and the availability of the (church/venue/destination/etc.) and any other currently planned major life events (graduations/other marriages/births/etc.) for you guys and your family/friends, you pick a date. This isn't rocket surgery.
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

THIS

We got engaged in June, I said I figured it would take roughly a year to get everything together (considering that, at the time, we were both working full time and in grad school part time), and DH said, "Yeah, that sounds good." It wasn't like negotiating an arms treaty or something.

maisery22 · April 2010

we talked about when to get married before we got engaged, he basically said "I'll do it whever you want to." so bam a Halloween Wedding! Just talk about where you might want to get married, when it looks nicest, keep weather a factor for travel etc, just play around with it and see what sounds right. He might surprise you and come up with a date.

marcstacey · April 2010

Why is he slow with setting a date? Does this concern you? If he just doesn't like to talk about things, bring it up. He did propose, which means he does want to get married (or at least I hope it does). I was lucky that my fiance brought it up first, before we even got engaged. We had the date, church, and reception place figured out before he even popped the question. If he is not as eager as you to get married, you may want to wait a bit to make sure this is the right decision. If he just is a dude and doesn't like to talk about stuff, bring it up. You guys are going to have to decide on a lot of things as a married couple -- you better start communicating about the big stuff now.

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