27 years ago today my FI's mother passed away in a single car accident. She was driving home and hit a patch of black ice and her car spun out of control. She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. She left behind my fiance and his little brother, ages (almost) 3 and 1. My FI and I go up to the cemetary every year on this day, and this year is no expection. Every time I go with him, I cry a little, knowing that I will never get to meet the woman who helped give me the man I love and that he never got to know his mom. My mother and I are pretty much best friends and I couldn't imagine my life without her. She is so loving and supportive, thoughtful and wonderful that it hurts my heart to know that he's never gotten to have that connection. His father remarried when he was 5, and he calls her mom, but from what he tells me, he spent his childhood in fear of her (she's on prozac now and is a totally different person, she and I get along AMAZINGLY well, i
her!) and he still has some lingering issues from that.
I think this year will be even harder, at least for me, knowing that our wedding is only 5 short months away and she won't be there to see her first born be married. I wish I could have known her, met her, and gotten her approval. I think she would have liked me, and hopefully approved of me, but it just breaks my heart knowing that he will never know what it is like to have the unconditional love of a mother. I know his step mom loves him, but it's not the same. I see the way she is with him, and I know she's proud of him and considers both him and his brother her sons, but their relationship is NOTHING like mine and my mom's. I think if she would have lived he would have been a total momma's boy (not in a bad way, just that they would have been close) because he's sensitive like that.
Just. . . . send me some positive thoughts so i don't completly lose it at the cemetary? I remember thinking last year that this year was going to be extra hard, knowing that we would be married so soon, and have told my FI that I would like to take an afternoon during the week before the wedding to go up and visit her grave, kind of let her know that we miss her and are thinking about her and wishing she was with us. so, yeah. that's pretty much it. I've been bawling the whole time while typing this, so REALLY, positive thoughts will help. . . . right? lol I'm a cryer. FI knows this and I think (secretly) loves it, as much as he teases me about it.
Thanks, ladies
