open letter tuesday

sarack · May 2010

Dear Bridesmaids,

      I paid for postage and sent you and invitation. I also sent you an RSVP. Yes I know you're coming but just send me the damn rsvp.I did it for your wedding! THANKs!

Annoyed Bride.

Dear dessy.com,

     Can you please send me the ties I purchased hella long ago? I have NO idea where you are or how to even look for you.. please show up today or sometime this week.

impatient bride

Dear bank account,

    Please miraculously have a million dollars in you. I don't even care if its after the wedding.. just in the next year. Thank you!

broke bride

Dear sister,

    Get off your high horse and get over it. Come to my wedding

your sister... the bride, the decision maker at HER WEDDING!

Dear guests,

    We would love to have all of you there but we can't afford all of your children. Please refrain from bringing them. Thank you.

-me and FI

elleh08 · May 2010

Dear Weather,

I know you are sad and rainy right now but cheer up! It's only 11 days till my wedding and I know you will be cheerful and sunny that day!

Thanks,

The Bride & Groom

Dear Work,

I am so bummed we are moving offices and I have to get the worst cube on the floor right outside the bathroom on a floor of 250 people. Why oh why did I have to get this cube? You're not making me feel very appreciated!

-Bummed out by the Bathroom

Dear Steamstress,

Please please make my dress perfect! As I am picking it up on the Thursday before my wedding and with all the dress disasters I have had I really need it to fit!

-Keeping her fingers crossed!

briandbry2010 · May 2010

Drar Fat,
Please go away magicly. I have to fit into my dress that I am now paying twice the amout i bought it for thanks to your presence and the alterations needed.
Not so love
Me

Dear FIL's
Please remember this is the 1st and only wedding of your first and only child that almost died at birth. Be a little grateful that we have only asked your for less than 1,000 dollars for this whole thing when my parents make half what you do and are helping us with 4 times as much emotionaly and financialy. Please quit asking me if it;s OK to come late to the rehersal and rehersal dinner that you are paying for because your husband is an ass and thinks of nothing but himself and his job.
Love
your future disgruntled DIL

mgoss228 · May 2010

Dear FI,

Please refrain from waking me up in the middle of the night because you think our puppy needs to go out to potty, when he is actually just shifting his sleep position and snoring sweetly. I am super tired today, and I do not appreciate losing any precious sleep!

Thanks,
Tired and Angry Bride-to-be

Dear Super Busy Friend,

I have been trying to arrange a gtg with you for quite sometime, and you have been ridiculously busy. I know you are finishing your last semester of grad school, your niece is turning 1, and you are the MOH in our other friend's wedding in July... but I'm a whiny biznatch and want to take you out to brunch/happy hour/etc and ask you to be a BM!!! I put so much effort into making the card, and now I'm impatient

-Impatient Bride looking for her last WP check

Dear Bank Account,

Please grow larger. Puppy costs and other life expenses are making you smaller than I am comfortable with. I want to put down a deposit on my wedding band, which is slightly more than I had originally budgeted for... but I want it!

-Not so bling-blingy at the moment

jamers22 · May 2010

dear blackberry internet,
please let me post from my phone again. ever since i did the update, you have really cut into my knotting time. i really dont like getting an error message every single time i try to post.
thanks,
the one who pays A LOT for you

dear body,
please give me the motivation/energy/swift kick in the butt to work out hardcore. And please give me some self control. i leave for my girls trip in 6 weeks. i can't be the fat one of my friends. plus, i have a wedding in less than 3 months.
love,
yourself

dear week days,
please fly by. i really can't wait to try my dress on this Saturday. so, please go fast so the weekend is here.
muchas gracias,
anxious bride

KST_ · May 2010

Dear Jury,
I recognize that you are in Coos County, so chances are that you may not have much education/be very intelligent. However, how could you POSSIBLY have found in favor of the defendent?!!? All my mom ever did was sit in her house and happily do her arts and nervously watch the guy next door dig into the hill. Now she is massively in debt, her house (that HAD been paid off) is in danger with a city council who takes no responsibility for issuing the permit to the guy in the first place but now is itching to condemn her home to cover their asss, and she is a wreck. Please have committed some transgression so the case gets thrown out. Karma can be a b!tch and I hope you're next on her list.
Sincerely,
Outraged daughter

Dear Guests,
Please RSVP!! I wants to know what our guest list is going to be.
Antsy Bride

Dear Rain,
Thank you for coming to wash all the pollen away! I invite you to regularly return every 2-3 days and put the smackdown on that allergy-inducing crap! Please just remember to be a kind guest and not coincide your visits with other Knotties' weddings.
Sincerely,
Rain-Dancer

dstolz0417 · May 2010

Dear Confidence,
Please give me more courage to kick my toxic friend out of my life. She's been a friend for a very long time but she's no good. Time to clean out all the bad from my life...at least for my daughter's sake!
Thanks,
A Very Hurt Bride

Dear FMIL,
QUIT BEING CHEAP!!!! That's all!
Thanks,
Your FDIL

niq24601 · May 2010

Dear GM who's getting married this summer,

I live in the boonies. I know it's your bachelor party, but did you really have to pick Montreal? I mean, is there anything specfic to Montreal ("the Las Vegas of the northeast") that makes it better than Las Vegas or Chicago? Because 14 hours worth of travel each way for 60 hours worth of partying (at least 15 of which will be spent sleeping) is not my idea of fun. This better be the most awesome bachelor party in the history of mankind.

And while I'm at it, not all of us work in the financial services sector. So don't go making reservations a 3-star restaurants or putting us in fancy hotels. Some of us have weddings to pay for!

Yours,
Vaguely disgruntled Groomsman

ahuette · May 2010

Dear Mice,
Stay the EF out of my house. While you are little and cute - you multiply quickly and can carry disease. Please DO NOT eat my food and/or run on my kitchen counters. However you are getting into my house stop it.
Thanks,
- Grossed out Mice-hater.

Dear BMs of Mine,
Please surprise me and already have purchased your plane tickets to the wedding. If you have not, please get a job to be able to pay for said plane tickets instead of "borrowing" from Gram. While I love you, and want you to be apart of our special day, I do not want yourselves or Gram to go broke because of it.
Hugs,
- Annoyed Bride to Be

Dear Bank Account,
Please stop having fraudulent transactions taking money away from me and magically have LOTS of money in you. While I know the economy is hard, I am tried of paying for other people's dinner and coffee.
Thanks,
- Broke Bride

Dear FIL,
Please stop being selfish and think about someone other than yourselves for a change.
Thanks,
- Your FDIL

jennyann28 · May 2010

Dear Co-worker,
I'm all for taking one for the team from time to time (especially if it concerns my own students), but I am getting pretty damn sick of you cheating me out of unpaid lunch time, or not having a break for 5 hours. Sometimes, I have to pee, you know. The world does not revolve around you.
Signed,
Disgruntled Co-worker

Dear FMIL,
I am sorry that some of your friends might be offended if we don't invite them to OUR wedding, but if FI has never even met them before, they are not getting an invitation.

Putting my foot down,
FDIL

Dear BM,
I wish you had not gotten your schedule mixed up! I really wanted you to come pick up my wedding dress with me, there is too much traffic to drive to Edmonds alone on a weeknight.
Sincerely,
Your Sad Friend, the Bride

Dear MOH,
Speaking of the world not revolving around people, it doesn't revolve around you either. I want to remind you that at YOUR bridal shower, every sentence out of my mouth did not start with, "Well MY boyfriend...". I understand that you like your boyfriend, but I could care less, and so could my aunts, and sorry, but that few hours of that day was not about you. My wedding is not about you either, and I am tired of hearing about what you will do when you get married again.
Sincerely,
Becoming a Bridezilla Because You Make Me Crazy

trishaselby · May 2010

Dear bank account,
Please grow by $5,000 or so, we need to be able to afford our wedding. It's not my fault we are moving right now and I won't have a job. Although, I am very excited to be in town and planning my wedding with out working for the month and a half before the big day.
Sincerely,
A very scared, stressed, and broke bride to be

Dear FI's Advisor,
Please let him leave Pullman by June 5th! You have already cost us so much money and greif. He wants to finsih his thesis and have it approved already whether you want him to leave or not. He/we have paid our dues. NOW let him graduate and move on to the job that he is waiting for!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not so sincerely,
An angered FI

Dear Fat,
2 months is coming up soon. When are we actually going to start falling off my body? I really don't like you and most off all I want to look hot and be comfortable in my bikini on my HM!

Sincerely,
Too much to love around the mid-section

Sun,
Please come out! I need a natural looking tan to start happening. I have dresses to wear and pictures to be taken!
Sincerely,
A pale bride to be

briandbry2010 · May 2010

Dear Knotties
It's Nice to know I am not the only one with FIL problems right now.
Love,
This Girl

sarack · May 2010

Dear Jennyann,

Your moh sucks. And I won't say that about mine because people lurk.. but we could be twins for another reason.

-sarack

Tygirljojo · May 2010

Dear tummy,

Stop feeling so crummy.
I want to eat things that are yummy,
without you feeling funny.

With love,

Your mummy

Dear CA BM,

I understand that you have things going on, but seriously. After our talk a couple weeks ago, you SAID you would do better with the communication. You also SAID you were going to forward me your flight info for the wedding last Thurs and when I texted you after a couple days, you then SAID you had homework to catch up on and if it would be okay for you to foward me the info this week to which I replied "okay." Well, this week is about half over now. Please don't disappoint. Again.

Your "best friend,"

The bride

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