Waking up together on the wedding day

stillaney · May 2011

It recently occurred to me that because we are having an evening wedding, I'm going to see my new husband and best friend for all of 4 hours on our wedding day. We aren't honeymooning until 6 months after the fact for personal reasons. We've spent every night together since we were 19 (but will be taking the week off before the wedding while we stay at our respective parents homes in our hometown). I was thinking it could be really romantic to wake up with him on our wedding day and get to spend a few minutes together before all the craziness starts. I was planning on staying at the hotel pre-wedding anyway just to unwind and not have to wake up in my crazy house. And above all-- you can determine if this is relevant-- but the Monday after our Saturday wedding, my overbearing FMIL will be in our home, which is 6 states away from where the wedding is, to witness him participate in his white coat ceremony for medical school. UGH. But when I mentioned the idea to FI, he got really uncomfortable-- it's so untraditional, we're not supposed to see each other, what are we going to tell our friends and families when they wonder where we're spending the night, blah blah blah... not to mention his 9:00am tee time. He was raised super formal and any breaking of the rules makes him nervous. I wish he would realize this isn't totally uncommon... what are your thoughts on this tradition?

redheadfsu · May 2011

I'm untraditional and we are spending the night before/morning together. I'm hoping for wedding morning loving.

Madisonpenny · May 2011

umm its 2011.. I say wake up with your FI if thats what you want, or go with the tradition and wake up alone, which isn't nearly as fun.

almost-a-bride · May 2011

My husband and I didn't spend the night before the wedding together. I thought it was pretty sweet to say our goodbyes the night before then not see each other til walking down the aisle. It was cute.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

we stayed in our house together the night before. woke up, got dressed together and drove to the church together where we proceeded to walk down the aisle together.

kristeno90 · May 2011

My FI and I will be staying in our apartment together the night before our wedding next week. We were going to abstain for a week before the wedding but even that isn't going too well

redheadtmk · May 2011

I would talk to him some more. If it really means alot to him then I would stay seperately. If he is just worried about what everyone thinks then I would talk to him about your feelings and the fact that he does not have to answer to anyone else. a simple response of "in a hotel room" is enough. Then he can change the subject. You both need to be putting each other first and not worrying about everyone else on little things such as this. But like I said, if this is something he feels strongly about for himself, then you will have to accept that. Maybe try to convince him to do "the look" photos before the wedding? not sure what you are planning there but if he is traditional I assume he doesnt want to see you before you walk the aisle. might be a compromise. or staying the night may be a compromise to not seeing each other before the ceremony for pictures. good luck

twixinthemix · May 2011

We are spending the night apart, but then again, we don't live together. I'm looking forward to having a sleepover with my girls and hanging out with them all morning. It'll probably the last time I get to see all of them together at once, so I want to make the most of it!

mary9449 · May 2011

I think that's a very personal decision to make. My FI and I have lived together for three years and we hate not spending the night with each other. However, I'm spending the night at the hotel where our reception will be the night before our wedding with my BMs. He really doesn't want to see me until I walk down the aisle. Talk to your FI and see what you think would be the best for you two.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

We didn't see each other after we left the RD until I walked down the aisle.

achiduck · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_waking-up-together-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:6ed48438-4bb6-48c8-8655-b2fe2183175cPost:3fdc68ac-e16c-482e-b5ac-f915ee9775ec">Re: Waking up together on the wedding day</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm untraditional and we are spending the night before/morning together. I'm hoping for wedding morning loving.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

hahah me too!

OP - we're planning on having late afternoon wedding (around 5 pm) so we can avoid the cost of cocktail hour. We're doing all photos before hand and will go straight from the ceremony to the reception as they'll be at the same location. I fully plan to spend the night before with FI and get in some wedding moring snuggles.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

We stayed in a hotel a few miles from our house and very close to our ceremony site (where our guests were staying as well). I checked in the night before the wedding. After the RD, my H decided he wanted to spend the night with me. It was actually quite nice - we woke uo together, then he went home to get ready and I got ready at the hotel. We did, however, do photos before our ceremony (starting around 2pm) so he came back to the hotel after he got ready as I was finishing up.

shopgrl3177 · May 2011

I'm pretty traditional so my MOH and I are staying at my parent's house the night before the wedding. However, it you want to spend the morning with your FI I say go for it!

coralee715 · May 2011

We are spending the night apart. His choice, not mine. He will be staying at our house, and I"ll be staying at my moms. He doesn't want to see me until I am walking down the aisle.

teachermegs · May 2011

We stayed the night together and had a nice breakfast together. I packed him up and sent him on his way to get ready. It was a nice way to start the day.

Milsey32 · May 2011

I'm possibly staying at a hotel the night before with some BMs because I know I won't get much sleep and I don't want to be alone (and DEFINITELY don't want to be at my parents house) -- I like the idea of not seeing him until I walk down the aisle BUT if it's what you want, I think you should talk it over with your FI more. And what does he mean "what are we going to tell people?" -- who has to know?

LoveMuffins · May 2011

FI and I are both very traditional. I'd already decided that I was going to spend the night at my parents before he ever even asked me about it, because i thought it would be too weird to wake up next to him on our wedding day. I have no idea why i have such a viscerally negative reaction to that idea, but I'm glad that he has it too, so that there's no misunderstanding. I can't wait to be married to him and normally I will go out of my way to keep us from having a night apart, but i do NOT want to be in the same bed as him on our wedding morning. I have no idea why, i can't explain it, and there is nothing at all logical about it.

I think you should talk to your FI and see if you guys can work someting out if this is important to you; but understand that it might be really important to him to and that he might not be able to articulate why.

Allycat11 · May 2011

FI and I live together now but are staying in seperate places the night before. He will either be in the hotel with some of the guys or have the guys over at our house. I will be in a suite at the hotel with my sister for sure and any other girls who want to join. Honestly I am looking forward to the giddy girly moments of talking about jitters the night before the wedding and waking up for a morning of craziness getting ready. Also, it adds an interesting element of space which FI and I have never had.

But, if you want to do it go for it. Really it is personal preference.

stillaney · May 2011

Love all of the varied responses... we don't live together and never have, I'm going to cut him off from more than just snugglin' a few weeks before the wedding, and we are not going to do first look pictures-- we will take pictures with our BM/GMs and families pre ceremony and then together after. Our parents and my sisters/bridesmaids will definitely inquire about where we are staying that night (I have a feeling his mother will want to basically spoon him all night long before her baby gets married and "leaves her forever") but saying we are both unwinding at the hotel should be enough of an answer. I think I'm going to try to convince him to stay with me... I want him to be the first and last person I see that day!

MeganAngela · May 2011

FI and I are definitely staying together the night of the wedding. We live together and we rarely spend a night apart (and even when we do we plan Skype dates!). We both think it will be sweet to go back home and unwind after the rehearsal dinner, and then wake up together for one last unmarried morning before we head off to get ready. My mom is dropping by to get me that morning and then FI is going to drive over to the wedding venue that evening. We won't see each other after I leave until the walk down the aisle!

Honestly, my FI is my best friend and if I'm having pre-wedding jitters, he's the one I want to tell about it (and vice-versa)!

I say do what you want to do! If a bride wants to go traditional, go for it. If a couple wants to wake up together and, heck, even spend the whole day together, that is what they should do! It's 2011, after all!

kellya01 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_waking-up-together-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:6ed48438-4bb6-48c8-8655-b2fe2183175cPost:26c8cf1d-eace-43d1-8535-29dda26c8363">Re: Waking up together on the wedding day</a>:
[QUOTE]We didn't see each other after we left the RD until I walked down the aisle.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

<div>This is our plan too. We also don't live together, so for us the question didn't really come up. In your situation, I don't see why you would need to change anything the night before the wedding since you're already living together (etc). It's a personal decision though, so go with what you and your FI think is best! :-) </div>

mccartys · May 2011

One of my best friends recently got married and they spent the night before together at the hotel. It made her super relaxed the next morning to have him by her side and they also took formal pictures/portraits before the wedding too.

I am not staying with FI the night before, but will see him before for pictures. It will definitely relax me to see him before the walk down the aisle!

jujuboo98 · May 2011

We don't spend the night together and we decided to save sex for marriage. So no, we wont be staying together the night before. We'll be staying together for the first time on our wedding night. And we're oh so excited! I know not everyone chooses to do this though.

I'm staying with the maids the night before. We'll have some fun girl time and I probably wont ever see them all together at the same time again. I plan to cherish it. After all, you'll have every night of your life to sleep with your husband.

hcontreras3 · May 2011

I am super traditional and even making sure that if we share the same hotel that his room be as far away as possible from mine to prevent even the slightest chance of us seeing each other. But I know plenty of couples who stay together before the wedding. It's up to you guys and what you both think is important, it doesn't matter what everyone thinks as long as it works for you two.

jdrose5 · May 2011

What about a comprimise? What about maybe having breakfast together? No clue but for some reason right now that seems very romantic. I know my friend's daughter took a great deal of flack for spending the night with her FI the night before the wedding so maybe he is just trying to avoid the drama? Just a thought.

futuremrscoachj · May 2011

We're saying bye at the rehearsal dinner. Im going back to the hotel with my 7 bridesmaids and having a huge big-girl sleepover... no clue where he's going.

I have the rest of my life to wake up to him... figured we'd make the wedding day special.

We're also abstaining from the horizontal polka the month before our wedding. Yeah, we're crazy... but we're gonna try!

Lisa50 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_waking-up-together-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:6ed48438-4bb6-48c8-8655-b2fe2183175cPost:3fdc68ac-e16c-482e-b5ac-f915ee9775ec">Re: Waking up together on the wedding day</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm untraditional and we are spending the night before/morning together. I'm hoping for wedding morning loving.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Agree, totally! OP, if your FI is truly nervous/superstitious, I suggest you talk it out some more. Good luck!

Waking up together on the wedding day

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