Upset Sister In Law

Re: Upset Sister In Law

• LedZeppelin member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  Why were you pressured to add a 4th?

  

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• livv22 member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  You shouldn't have to add anyone you don't want to! These are people you'll be sharing the most important moments of your life with most directly, and you get to hand-pick them for a reason. I think the best way to deal with it would be to try to explain to her that you wanted a small bridal party and wanted to keep it especially close to you, and you didn't mean offense to anyone left out.

  As for it being a happy time in your life, it is! BUT! There will be people who want to take a larger part in that time than you'd like, and a good friend of mine had to talk me down in one of those moments, and he said: when it comes down to it, your wedding day will be wholly and deservingly about you and your FI. so along the road, if there are bits and pieces that you can give to relatives or in laws or friends (for me it was an engagement party FMIL wanted to plan that I really didn't want) to enjoy, they're very small in the grand scheme of things  

  That's the best way to think about being overrun by others in such a joyful time, BUT! Don't compromise in things that you know will affect your day - you want 4 bridesmaids, you get 4 bridesmaids. And you get to decide who they are  

  
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• mariaramirez33 member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  I wish I could say "do what you want and move on" but after a year of wedding planning I know from experience it's impossible to not take other people's feelings into consideration. At the same time you certaintly shouldnt have to comprimise on your bridal party as that's such an important part of your big day! 

  
  

  Are you sure she is really upset? Maybe she is just confused and an explanation would help her feel better? What if you asked her to be a part of the wedding in another way. Maybe she could be your attendant or maybe one person could be your Matron of Honor, than a Maid of Honor and than the rest bridesmaids? Or what if she did a reading at the wedding. She probably just wants to know she is valued and that you appreciate her.... and there are other ways to show her that you care other than being a bridesmaid. Good luck! 

  

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• Celles member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  Whatever you do now, don't ask her to be a guestbook attendant .
  
  Kidding. Sort of. 
  
  To be fair, I can understand why she's hurt.  She and her husband were kind enough to host an engagement party, and you used the occasion -- which was her gift to you -- to honor four other women.  While you certainly aren't obligated to include her in the wedding party, it may have been more appropriate to ask your other bridesmaids privately, or at least at a separate event.  Since what's done is done, all you can do now is treat her with empathy and respect.  Thank her graciously for the engagement party and, as PP's have suggested, consider including her in the wedding in another way.  Perhaps she could do a reading?   

  

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