One group of friends, two showers. What to do?

CowgirlK39 · June 2012

I am having two showers, one by my mom and one by FMIL. The one my FMIL is throwing is going to be, quite frankly, cheesy. She is only doing it so everyone can praise her for throwing me a party. She keeps asking me for my friends addresses so she can invite them, but my mom is also counting on my friends to be at the one she is throwing (which is at a resturant and she needed to hit a certain number of guests so we counted them). My BMs cannot attend any of my showers, so they don't count.

What do I do? Ask which friend can come to which shower? Invite them to both? Or tell FMIL that no one can make hers? While I am grateful for FMIL's effort, she never once asked my mom what her plans, she just assumed she would host the shower herself. So now we have an issue of friend-overlap and I am not sure what to do.

ETA: Because of FMIL demanding she host a shower, we decided she would host grooms family and my mom would host my family. That's why friends lie in the middle somewhere... just to clarify.

Callmefia · June 2012

Tell FMIL Thanks, and that your other shower is hosting your friends and that they shoudln't be invited to more than one. She can host her family at the shower she is throwing.
Of course, say it nicer than that =D

ETA: If you want, you could ask a few friends if they will come to support you through the cheesyness if you need it!

Nikki71 · June 2012

Depending on how close these friends are, I'd ask a few of them to do you the favor of attendin both, noting that you absolutely don't expect gifts at each shower. My FMIL is throwing me a shower with some of her friends and I'm only having her invite my mom and sister. I think it's understood that the mom's shower is more heavily attended by the bride's friends.

CowgirlK39 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_one-group-of-friends-two-showers-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:f6668a0e-85a6-406c-be30-2464cf499445Post:e77e5807-aec3-4011-a76d-2ae31dbcd9c5">Re: One group of friends, two showers. What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Depending on how close these friends are, I'd ask a few of them to do you the favor of attendin both, noting that you absolutely don't expect gifts at each shower. My FMIL is throwing me a shower with some of her friends and I'm only having her invite my mom and sister. <strong>I think it's understood that the mom's shower is more heavily attended by the bride's friends.
</strong>Posted by Nikki71[/QUOTE]

This is what I thought too but FMIL missed that memo. She's not up to speed on what's remotely appropriate for weddings either, which has been a big issue.

Nikki71 · June 2012

Ahh I am very sorry you're having these issues.

Nothing can quite stress a bride out like a FMIL issue. If she really is throwing the shower kind of just for show, she'll be more concerned about HER friends who will attend anyway. I'd try to rope one or two into going, but she'll just need to understand that you won't have a huge crowd of friends. If you're fine with that, she should be too.

Good luck!

meagandal · June 2012

I have a similar story, I am asking a couple friends, MOH and a few friends who are spouses of FI's friends or in the same circle and know more FIs family if that would like to attends, again no expectation of present or obligation but I think it would be nice to have a few familiar faces esp since I don't know many of the people who will be at that shower.

One group of friends, two showers. What to do?

Re: One group of friends, two showers. What to do?

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