Mom at bachelorette party?

cbratthauer · May 2011

First I want to say I love my mom and in no way am meaning this to trash talk her, I just need advice without hurting her feelings.

My mom and I don't get along all of the time, most of the time..... She has some issues that I really think she needs professional help with, I was a psych major and while I don't know for sure I really think she has some bi-polar tendancies. One minute she is happy as can be, then boom, for no reason she's just way p*ssed off. Well she asked when my bachelorette party was so that she could go. I said "Mom I don't think moms go to those" to which she replied "Oh they most certainly do!" Well the more people I talk to the more I see that, no, they don't always go.

Having her there is going to make me uncomfortable, and she thinks she is 16 again. She drinks and drinks and drinks and then she gets crazy and emotional and I know I will end up having to take care of her. Plus, I don't really want to risk an emotional breakdown with her. So how do I tell her I'd really rather her not go without hurting her feelings? That is the last thing I want to do, and I know it will turn into "You hate me you don't love me what did I do wrong" Any advice is appreciated thank you!!

And again, I do love my mom I just feel like this should be a thing with just my friends!!!

achiduck · May 2011

My mom passed away when I was 14 so I can't completely relate, but if my future "step-mom" (I use quotes since I am not a child and don't think of her as a step mom, but more my dad's wife) of FMIL came (even so I love them both dearly) I would be way weirded-out.

I have never, ever been to a B-party that included mom's.

aegrish · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mom-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:03cb71fa-a52a-4b89-b802-222f82c347b2Post:22ea5e03-8575-455c-87c5-20fb1681b2f5">Mom at bachelorette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]First I want to say I love my mom and in no way am meaning this to trash talk her, I just need advice without hurting her feelings. My mom and I don't get along all of the time, most of the time..... She has some issues that I really think she needs professional help with, I was a psych major and while I don't know for sure I really think she has some bi-polar tendancies. One minute she is happy as can be, then boom, for no reason she's just way p*ssed off. Well she asked when my bachelorette party was so that she could go. I said "Mom I don't think moms go to those" to which she replied "Oh they most certainly do!" Well the more people I talk to the more I see that, no, they don't always go. Having her there is going to make me uncomfortable, and she thinks she is 16 again. She drinks and drinks and drinks and then she gets crazy and emotional and I know I will end up having to take care of her. Plus, I don't really want to risk an emotional breakdown with her. So how do I tell her I'd really rather her not go without hurting her feelings? That is the last thing I want to do, and I know it will turn into "You hate me you don't love me what did I do wrong" Any advice is appreciated thank you!! And again, I do love my mom I just feel like this should be a thing with just my friends!!!
Posted by cbratthauer[/QUOTE]

I would tell her that. If she's anything like my mom, she'll pout about it, and then get over it eventually. Probably sooner than later. Don't risk ruining your bach party with your friends with your mom's drama. My mom was supposed to come to my bach party and 'got lost' on the way to the piano bar because she didn't meet us at the location where she was supposed to. She blamed everyone and expected someone to leave and go meet her somewhere, but no one even knew where she was. It was a disaster.

I have the same type of mom. I love her to death too but she can be crazy and very emo one minute, and fine the next. She also takes things way to seriously sometimes and is very easily offended by the most harm. My friend who has the same type of mom advised me to appoint someone to 'take care of her' on my wedding day, which is a very good idea...I.E. get anything she needs, tell her not to worry, etc.

aegrish · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mom-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:03cb71fa-a52a-4b89-b802-222f82c347b2Post:391450eb-5b63-4219-a8fd-900ffe0b31db">Re: Mom at bachelorette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom passed away when I was 14 so I can't completely relate, but if my future "step-mom" (I use quotes since I am not a child and don't think of her as a step mom, but more my dad's wife) of FMIL came (even so I love them both dearly) I would be way weirded-out. I have never, ever been to a B-party that included mom's.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

I have been to a b party that included grandma and it was hella fun! Some mom's and gma's are more fun than friends!

breaness · May 2011

My friend was having this same issue with FMIL... and she wouldn't back down. So she's doing a different bachelorette party. She's doing a dinner now that's more like an induction to married life and FMIL is coming to that. Then she's doing what she would have originally done for her bachelorette party with just her bridesmaids as a thank you. So she gets to include FMIL AND still have the bachelorette party that she wanted but didn't feel comfortable having her there for.

As for my mom, she didn't expect to go and when I told her I didn't think it was appropriate, she agreed.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mom-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:03cb71fa-a52a-4b89-b802-222f82c347b2Post:22ea5e03-8575-455c-87c5-20fb1681b2f5">Mom at bachelorette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]First I want to say I love my mom and in no way am meaning this to trash talk her, I just need advice without hurting her feelings. My mom and I don't get along all of the time, most of the time..... She has some issues that I really think she needs professional help with, I was a psych major and while I don't know for sure I really think she has some bi-polar tendancies. One minute she is happy as can be, then boom, for no reason she's just way p*ssed off. Well she asked when my bachelorette party was so that she could go. I said "Mom I don't think moms go to those" to which she replied "Oh they most certainly do!" Well the more people I talk to the more I see that, no, they don't always go. Having her there is going to make me uncomfortable, and she thinks she is 16 again. She drinks and drinks and drinks and then she gets crazy and emotional and I know I will end up having to take care of her. Plus, I don't really want to risk an emotional breakdown with her. So how do I tell her I'd really rather her not go without hurting her feelings? That is the last thing I want to do, and I know it will turn into "You hate me you don't love me what did I do wrong" Any advice is appreciated thank you!! And again, I do love my mom I just feel like this should be a thing with just my friends!!!
Posted by cbratthauer[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately being a former psych major =/= being a doctor, so try to not diagnose her with illnesses unless you're a professional.

If you are uncomfortable with having your mother at your bach party, she does not have to be invited.

For what it's worth, both my mother and mother-in-law were at my bach party, and I had a really great time.

Arayx2 · May 2011

My BF's B.P. included her mom, aunt, and gma - We kept it pretty clean though. Mine will be a great time but I will 100% include my mom for most of it if not all. She already knows that I am way out-going with an "I don't care" attitude so there will be off the wall decorations present. Tell her some of the plan - maybe include her in the dinner and the early bars but then say after this it's not "mom-friendly"

cbratthauer · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mom-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:03cb71fa-a52a-4b89-b802-222f82c347b2Post:9c7a46c3-30c6-4f49-8f3a-81bb04a2bdb9">Re: Mom at bachelorette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Mom at bachelorette party? : Unfortunately being a former psych major =/= being a doctor, so try to not diagnose her with illnesses unless you're a professional. If you are uncomfortable with having your mother at your bach party, she does not have to be invited. For what it's worth, both my mother and mother-in-law were at my bach party, and I had a really great time.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

That is why I said I don't know for sure. I was not diagnosing her with it, I was just going off of what I learned in my psych classes. Also, since we don't really get along the greatest to begin with, I don't think it would be a great time having her there.

aegrish · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mom-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:03cb71fa-a52a-4b89-b802-222f82c347b2Post:93b2d1b7-f4dd-453e-a133-c0e604fe1d9c">Re: Mom at bachelorette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom at bachelorette party? : That is why I said I don't know for sure. I was not diagnosing her with it, I was just going off of what I learned in my psych classes. Also, since we don't really get along the greatest to begin with, I don't think it would be a great time having her there.
Posted by cbratthauer[/QUOTE]

I call my mom bi-polar all the time! Even though shes probably not "clinically" bi-polar.

Arayx2 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mom-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:03cb71fa-a52a-4b89-b802-222f82c347b2Post:8dcecdd1-68ad-4914-a5cf-21c40406ea92">Re: Mom at bachelorette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom at bachelorette party? : I call my mom bi-polar all the time! Even though shes probably not "clinically" bi-polar.
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

My mom has an multiple personality that we have even named " Lily" its her crazy fun side. I love it!!

nrawlings26 · May 2011

i'm probably going to end up having two B.P. because most people in my family don't have the sense of humor for a B.P. and my mom will probably end up thinking the gifts are gross. and i would be weirded out if she was there.

OBX2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mom-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:03cb71fa-a52a-4b89-b802-222f82c347b2Post:1bc7e1d1-d15d-427e-bf56-2610e7d1923c">Re: Mom at bachelorette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm probably going to end up having two B.P. because most people in my family don't have the sense of humor for a B.P. and my mom will probably end up thinking the gifts are gross. and i would be weirded out if she was there.
Posted by nrawlings26[/QUOTE]

Why? Are you expecting a plethera of dildos or something? LOL

I haven't know most moms to attend the BP but it's all within your social circle. If you prefer your mom not to be there, that's ok too. If my mom wants to come she can and if not, then that's fine too. My mom and I are really close and talk about things that a lot of ladies may not talk to their mom about.

If you are more comfortable not having here there then just say that :)

ETA: Rawlings, I really was only joking and couldn't resist so please don't take offense ;)

jemmini6 · May 2011

Maybe you could do a 'split' bachelorette party or something? My cousin did that for hers, everyone went out to dinner at Dave & Busters type restaurant, so people we drinking and playing games and it was a lot of fun. Then after dinner, her and her friends went out to the bars. It worked out pretty well because I wasn't 21 yet when she got married (same with my other sister and a couple of her cousins from her dad's side), so we still got to be included and so did her mom and the rest of the 'moms' and then she still got to have the normal night out with just her friends afterwards.

aegrish · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mom-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:03cb71fa-a52a-4b89-b802-222f82c347b2Post:75b6a42b-4f5a-461c-9f5c-b9abb9b7101a">Re: Mom at bachelorette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom at bachelorette party? : My mom has an multiple personality that we have even named " Lily" its her crazy fun side. I love it!!
Posted by Arayx2[/QUOTE]

haha my mom's bi polar side is not fun! I feel bad for my FI when she goes crazy....she makes herself the stereotypical awful MIL , and then other times she's so sweet and kind you can hardly believe she's the same person!

I think the double bach parties are a great idea. I'm having a bach "dinner" to inlcude Fi's extended female relatives...

Jackief11 · May 2011

"psych major =\= being a doctor" I love when brides get on their high horse. She said she has tendencies, not diagnosing her. Jesus. I think the split Bach party is a great idea. I'm assuming she just wants to be included, and I think if you did a dinner or something with her, she would appreciate that. Then go out with your gals after.

mrshellem2012 · May 2011

Not everyone has the same realtionship with their mothers. If you are uncomfortable with it dont invite her. Honestly she will most likely be upset but she is you mother so hopefully she understands you wanting to do this with just your girlfriends... Goodluck Bride2B

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