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September 2012 Weddings

Can I just vent for a minute?

So this is probably going to sound horribly bratty but I just have to get it out.

When we were first engaged my dad and I sat down and talked about the wedding and budget.  I showed him the numbers I was thinking it would take, just to see if he wanted to help at all. He told me he would cover the venue, most of the other stuff, and probably some of the HM too. Awesome! So then comes the time stuff needs to start being paid for, he gives me some money and I put down all the deposits.  A couple months go by and we talk about the budget again. Keep in mind he had seen the numbers and said OK to them (they were around 10-15K).  So we were going over everything again and he was like, I thought this whole thing would be done for about 6k? UMMMM WHAT? So he decides he is going to only give me about half of what we originally talked about! I know I shouldn't have counted on that money until I had it in hand, but it is too late for that now.  I am just upset he committed to it and then backed out.  I work for him and see him nearly every day.  Earlier this week he decided to buy another classic hotrod and another carlift, just because he wanted it. And he keeps talking and talking about it.  I know I cannot dictate how he spends his money but he backed out of what he committed to with me.

I never expected him to commit to pay for most of the wedding, but he did and then backed out. It is just frustrating.  And to top that off my mom said she would pay for my dress, then told me this month she isn't going to be able to and I HAVE to order next month and we are trying to scrape together that money. It doesn't help FI lost his job last week =/

Sorry that was so long, I just needed to vent. I hope most of that makes sense.
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Re: Can I just vent for a minute?

  • Can you talk to your dad?  Remind him of your previous conversation and explain that if he had just been upfront with you from the beginning you would have booked different venues.  Now you are stuck with these bills.  Maybe he will come around?

    I'm sorry about your FI losing his job. I lost mine a while back and it's really upsetting.
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  • That is a terrible situation! Money is a sticky one, especially with family. It's really sad, but promises from friends and family need to be taken with a grain of salt sometimes. I'm so sorry this is happening! I hope your father realizes the difficulty he's cost you. Have you showed him the numbers and let him know that he's put you in a real bind now that you've put deposits down on everything?? You can't back out now and had counted on his promise. It's unfair. Can he at least loan you the money for now? That's a real tough one. Especially considering your FI lost his job. I hope you find a way to work it out. 
  • I really don't think you're being bratty. This is your father and he committed to help and is now backing out; that's terrible!! I would have 100% trusted my father with that offer especially if he was given the numbers and STILL offered to pay that amount.
    Will he talk about it? Is he flat out refusing without discussion?
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  • My father and I have a weird relationship. If I bring it up he will think I am being a b*tch and probably refuse to give me anything.  I am hoping he will at least loan me any money we are short closer to the wedding. It sucks =/ Especially because now that we have to put in so much more than we thought we aren't able to take a HM.
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  • Oh that sucks!  I'd try to talk to him about how you were under the impression that he was going to contribute X amount of dollars, like he said in the beginning and remind him that only one of you has a job right now.  It will be extremely hard to make up the difference in 6 months.  If he gets upset, ask for a loan and pay him back with whatever you get for the wedding.

    We're going to end up having to do this towards the end as well.  FI's parents made us re-finance our house to get FIL's name off of the deed.  This made us lose a $45,000 loan that was our back up money knowing a couple thousand was going towards the wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_can-i-just-vent-for-a-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:55fb7891-6f96-4384-8bd9-07a807c6459fPost:5ee1113d-8f5d-4d46-86c8-344a5ebb8c47">Re: Can I just vent for a minute?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My father and I have a weird relationship. If I bring it up he will think I am being a b*tch and probably refuse to give me anything.  I am hoping he will at least loan me any money we are short closer to the wedding. It sucks =/ Especially because now that we have to put in so much more than we thought we aren't able to take a HM.
    Posted by katiebean1[/QUOTE]

    <div>It does suck, but your only options now are to have the heart to heart with you dad and hope he comes around, or start cutting back heavily on other areas of the wedding you haven't done yet. I'm sorry :-/</div>
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  • My dad tried to do this to me.  He offered to give me a sum of money, but when my brother (who dropped out of hs, has no job, etc) totalled his 2ND car and my mom refused to pay for any of it (because she thought he didn't deserve either car), he tried to tell me he was going to pull 3,000 out of my wedding money for the amount on cars my mom owed him.  My parents are diviorced, but my dad didn't pay a penny for my car, and my mom didn't sign off on the cars.  

    I lost my $hit.  I sent my dad a really angry text message pretty much saying thanks for punishing me for being to good kid and letting the bad kid have everything.  He called me and I screamed and cried at him because when I get angry I cry.  Apparently it worked, because I got all the money he said I would.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_can-i-just-vent-for-a-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:55fb7891-6f96-4384-8bd9-07a807c6459fPost:d26ef1c6-da4d-4015-b055-95cf8834024d">Re: Can I just vent for a minute?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I lost my $hit.  I sent my dad a really angry text message pretty much saying thanks for punishing me for being to good kid and letting the bad kid have everything.  He called me and I screamed and cried at him because when I get angry I cry.  Apparently it worked, because I got all the money he said I would.  
    Posted by kissamary[/QUOTE]

    <div>this is how I would be.  Whether it is emotional (most likely) or rational, I think you need to talk to your dad about the position he put you in and that he backed out of a committment.  Do you have the original piece of paper/spreadsheet w/e that you showed him with the numbers?  This may help you remind him if he pretends to forget.  Agree with PP that if he won't budge to ask for a loan and pay him back when you can.  Sorry about FI's job!  Even though we work hard this is a constant fear of mine in this economy so stay strong!</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_can-i-just-vent-for-a-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:55fb7891-6f96-4384-8bd9-07a807c6459fPost:8b423edf-64ca-47de-b4cf-6db256210c42">Re: Can I just vent for a minute?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really don't think you're being bratty. This is your father and he committed to help and is now backing out; that's terrible!! I would have 100% trusted my father with that offer especially if he was given the numbers and STILL offered to pay that amount.
    Posted by mamameech[/QUOTE]



    This is exactly what I was thinking. Not that it solves your problem, but maybe it will make you feel better to know you are not out of line to be upset (IMO).
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  • Well this kind of sounds like something that could happen with me and my Dad because we also have a weird relationship and there is one way that works, although please note I am not proud of this.

    Completely blame myself and cry. If I were to get mad at him he takes defense and conversation ends. If I can explain the entire situation on how I am completely committed usually we can come to an agreement. 

    Like I said not proud. No I am not a young bride and my FI and I are paying for half and my Father is paying for the other half because he offered.


  • Thanks ladies for saying I'm not being bratty.  I am secretly hoping he will actually come through, but I just don't know how to bring it up without making him angry.  I think in a few weeks I'll talk to him again and see if he is willing to budge at all.  It could go either way.
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