Jealous bridesmaid

creamykill · April 2010

In my wedding my fiance wants his brother to be his best man, which i expected. His brothers fiance is going to be one of my bridesmaids but makes sure to remind me on a weekly basis that she should be my MOH simply becuase she is around more often. No offense to this girl but its one of those situations where if she wasn't engaged to my grooms family I wouldn't hang out with her. Then the other day while watching TV she saw a wedding show that had the bridesmaids escorted by the groomsmen and the MOH and the BM walking together. She literally went baslistic that another woman will walk down the ailse with her man. I really don't know what to do about her. I don't want to cater to her every whine but she was hysterical about it. I can't take her jealousy about my wedding, the wanting to be MOH and the problem with escorts. What should I do?

tommyandy · April 2010

This charming lady will be your SIL at some point in the future unless she treats your FBIL like this too. Talk to your FI first & see if he has any ideas, this way you aren't going behind his back. It's way to early to pick WP who are not blood related to you or FI. Don't ask her opinion about anything wedding related & if she brings anything up just tell her it's to early to make final decisions or you are taking a break from wedding stuff at the moment. If she persists, bean dip her. (change the subject)

I'm not having a MOH, my brother is going to be my "Dude of Honor" & he will be my only attendant. My niece will be 10ish this fall & is going to be my official bouquet holder for the ceremony since she is to big for a flower girl & to small for a junior BM.

HTH

ericksb · April 2010

Wow. She needs to calm down a bit. Maybe you could explain to her what you're doing for your wedding as compared to what she sees on tv. For example, maybe the GM are only escorting the BM during the recessional and not during the processional. Perhaps you have decided not to have a WP dance. This would mean he would walk back down the aisle once with another person and that would be it. Perhaps you can also explain that she's got the ring and should feel secure, and that your MOH isn't competition for her and you picked your MOH based on your long/deep history of friendship with one another. GL with that...for the wedding and in the future!

Muffin'sMom · April 2010

My gut reaction is to tell her that if she can lose her man in the time it takes to lock step down an aisle...her relationship was doomed from the start...but I have little patience for that kind of nonsense. My godson got married and his dad was best man. His mom was fine with his dad walking back down the aisle with an absolutely stunning 27 year old because she is secure in her relationship. I'm just sayin.....

So, the answer is, "how could he possibly look at another woman when you are in the room? then, change the subject and don't talk about it again.

also, the best man should probably have a little chat with his girlfriend and explain to her why it's a bad idea to make an idiot out of yourself in front of your possible future family.

xoxob · April 2010

I think you should tell her you thought about it and you've decided to have the BM and GM french kiss at the end of their walk together. You're sorry if she thinks that unreasonable, but maybe she needs to put her worries into perspective.

krmabojo · April 2010

I have no patience for people like this. Do not tell her why she is NOT the MOH. When the times comes to ask and she gets mad you do not have to appologize.

Yeah, it may be weird for her to not walk down the aisle without her guy. but at the same time, she needs to get over it. It will be for the ceremony and when you walk into the reception hall.

alliesono · April 2010

I agree with the previous posts. I've also heard, at least in my circle, that it's a faux pas to have an established couple escort each other down the aisle as BM/GM. When I was in my FSIL's wedding recently, my FI and I were both in the wedding party and we were split up when it came to walking down the aisle. We're still together! Haha.

Good luck and make sure she understands that it will only be about 30 seconds of her life where her fiance will be escorting another woman. I'm sure she'll live.

jlmarks83 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_jealous-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4e3de4e4-8386-49c3-b890-17bd638f2f6fPost:9adc008c-85f3-41f4-b9c7-bca7525d88e9">Re: Jealous bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should tell her you thought about it and you've decided to have the BM and GM french kiss at the end of their walk together. You're sorry if she thinks that unreasonable, but maybe she needs to put her worries into perspective.
Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

I love this idea! hahaha

But seriously - - I don't really see why you feel she has to be in the wedding. My brother got engaged a couple months ago and I'm not having his fiancee as one of my bridesmaids. She's technically not family - at least not yet. I think she's a sweet girl, but my brother's already been married once......and I know his ex-wife would have been in my bridal party had I gotten married while they were married. And now I'm REALLY glad I wasn't engaged at the time. Her being in the pics definitely would have ruined them for me!

You should never feel obligated to have someone in your WP - especially as the honor attendant. I agree with PPs - - talk to your FI.

brit_bell90 · April 2010

She's just acting very immature. My fiance is in a wedding that I'm not in, I'm not freaking out because he's walking down the aisle with another woman. It doesn't mean that they're going to leave you for that person, heck they probably won't even talk to eachother about anything, but the wedding. It's walking down the aisle, it takes 30 seconds and they're yours for the rest of the night, and the rest of your life. Not a big deal, she needs to grow up. You should not change your wedding party because she acts like she's in junior high!

jeanna85 · April 2010

she sounds ridiculous, im sorry. but i would have her walk down with your fiance's brother as opposed to having the BM/MOB paired up. I went to a wedding where the brides sister was MOH and her husband was a GM. MOH was put with the BM in pictures and going down the aisle. So basically, her sister and her BIL were with different "dates" from the look of it in pictures. I think it will seem silly down the line that a couple isnt together in pictures just bc of upholding the BM/MOH tradition.

maria.pedroza · April 2010

You should appeal to reason (I know, it sounds like this is a long shot, but humor me).

Tell her that they are walking down the aisle respective to their relationship to the bride and groom (MOH and BM), not in relationship to each other.

I am surprised she had never seen this happen, has she, like, never been to a wedding?

JKVozza · April 2010

I agree with other people, she is being ridiculous. If this is still an issue, you could do what I am planning on doing: everyone in the WP walk separately. The best man is huge and I mean huge (6'7") and it would make my MOH look tiny even though she is like 5'6". Hope this idea helps.

CMJ&MDL2010 · April 2010

Just curious ... is she expecting you to be MOH at her wedding?

creamykill · April 2010

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks she being insane about this. She isn't secure in her relationship becuase she's (and I quote) "not as pretty as I was 3 years ago" which is when she got with him. I contemplated having everyone walk seperatly, and I might, I suppose its my own stubborness at her demanding things of my wedding that makes me want to not yeild. I really like the french kiss idea though I think if i even said that she would go into tears.

And no, She has no intention of making me her MOH in her wedding, she already has a best friend for that. Curious why she thinks I should slight my best friend for her though. I don't think she has ever been to a real wedding, many peopl in her family and his if they get married do it at the court house. She was having a baby during the only wedding she's been invited to since she was teen so really doesn't know what happens other then what she sees on TV. To be honest I never invited her to even be a bridesmaid, she assumed she would be and my fiance asked if I would have her in it. Thanks everyone for your responses!!

ajmarimba · April 2010

Just remember...this is you and your fiance's wedding...not hers. Don't feel as though you need change what you want for your day to cater to her and her insecurities.

I agree with everyone above. Good luck to you with this!

jmucheech21 · April 2010

Wow, sorry, your FSIL is NUTSO. I don't really know what to say, other than seriously, sorry.

On a side note, I am not planning on having my fiance's brother's wife (aka FSIL) in my wedding.. and when she married his brother she did not have his ex wife (then wife in hers). We do plan on having my fiance's brother and his niece and nephew in the wedding, just not the FSIL and she is fine with it.

CMJ&MDL2010 · April 2010

If she has no intention of making you MOH, then every time she brings it up, talk about what you'll do when you're MOH at her wedding ... or send out a faux planning email as her MOH to a bunch of friends with some really tacky ideas for her bachelorette ... and perhaps she'll back off ... ;-)

cellarius · April 2010

i would say do nothing. [except maybe kick her out of your wp lol] she's sounds crazy. why would she want to be your MOH so bad anyway you're not even really friends that's ridiculous. not to mention how nuts it is that she freaked out over the real MOH walking with her boyfriend for like 30.5 seconds. i mean in any wedding i've attended or been in the MOH walks with the BM. who cares?? that's literally psycho. definitely do not make her your maid of honor & definitely do not cater to her obvious insanity!! people like that drive me nuts. if it was me i would straight up tell her..'' you know this is my wedding and you're my fiance's brother's fiance not my best friend, & i don't have to include you to begin with so do you want to be a bridesmaid or a guest? because those are your options.'' like seriously.. you're inviting yourself to be someone you barely know's MOH? that's just rude & inappropriate imo.

immnslylcky · April 2010

Wow. She is acting a little extreme. So you mentioned that you did not even really want her to be a bridesmaid. Would there be a possiblity of asking her to do something else for the wedding instead of being a bridesmaid? Maybe you can sit her down and tell her how you feel. Let her know that if she can't deal with it for a few hours...for YOUR wedding day....then she has a choice to step out. She will have many other opprotunities to hang out with her fiance later on. Plus, maybe you should ask her...would you really...really want to walk down an asile with your fiance before your wedding? Maybe she would want to save that for THEIR wedding. Just a couple suggestions.

leoraanna · April 2010

I have different jealous bridesmaid issues where one of my bridesmaids likes to remind me all the time that I got engaged after her and am getting married before her. Her FI is a groomsman, but how they are going to walk down the aisle hasn't even been considered yet. I will just leave that up the the wedding coordinator and tell everyone to deal. But I don't forsee that as being problematic.

Mrs.hackney · April 2010

wow you shouldnt have someone is your wedding party that you don't want there bc regardless of what happens in her relationship you have to see her in your pictures and if you wouldn't even hang out with her had she not been dating ur fiances bro then she shouldnt be included. she isn't including you in hers so why should u return the favor bc that's exactly what it is a favor.

css20nov · April 2010

Sounds like something I have going on here. I have two younger sisters, and I didnt think it would be fair to have to pick between either one of them as my MOH. When i first mentioned have my FI's SIL as my MOH they both didnt like that idea. When I finally picked a friend instead, my middle sister got pissed. She thought just because I am her MOH she needed to be mine. FI even said he agreed with me.

sorry...need to vent a little.

slaarwalhz · April 2010

I agree with Muffin's Mom--

"also, the best man should probably have a little chat with his girlfriend and explain to her why it's a bad idea to make an idiot out of yourself in front of your possible future family."

megk8oz · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_jealous-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4e3de4e4-8386-49c3-b890-17bd638f2f6fPost:76db5ae0-f047-49c0-a3ee-e774512b9486">Re: Jealous bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]she sounds ridiculous, im sorry. but i would have her walk down with your fiance's brother as opposed to having the BM/MOB paired up. I went to a wedding where the brides sister was MOH and her husband was a GM. MOH was put with the BM in pictures and going down the aisle. So basically, her sister and her BIL were with different "dates" from the look of it in pictures. I think it will seem silly down the line that a couple isnt together in pictures just bc of upholding the BM/MOH tradition.
Posted by jeanna85[/QUOTE]

Why would anybody looking at the pictures assume that the "pairs" in where actually each other's "dates" to the wedding? No offense, but that is one of the silliest things I've ever heard. One of our GMs is married and his wife was present at the wedding, but not in my BP, nobody thought he was my sister's date. And at said GMs wedding, DH was a co-Best Man to 1 MOH (I was not in their BP), and believe me nobody was thinking that DH and other Best Man were having a 3-way with her.

And aside from the entrances and exits (When they walk together) who even takes posed photos of the BP paired off anymore? I haven't seen that in a single wedding album created within the last 20 years.

OP, if her FI was just a regular GM, I'd say throw her a bone and let them walk together. But she's not your MOH, and he is your Best Man, so splitting them up for a 20 second walk is really not a big deal.

Unless you're planning on making them both walk down the aisle with the other person while holding giant neon signs saying "I'M WALKING WITH THIS PERSON BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE MY OWN FI!", I fail to see how you're doing anything wrong.

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