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Program Wording HELP!

Sparrow515Sparrow515
First Comment
in Delaware
Hi girls,
Once again I find myself struggling with family issues.  I'm working on our programs and need help listing FI's parents who are divorced.  His dad is remarried but his wife is not coming to the wedding due to a bad relationship with FMIL.  Long story.  So my questions are, do I still list my step-motherinlaw and if not, how do I list his parents?
"Parents of the Groom...Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe"
or
"Parents of the Groom...Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
                                       Mrs. Jane Doe"
I hope this format stays the way I put it...my parents are divorced and my mom is remarried so I'm listing my parents the second way.  I only ask because there is bad blood and I get the feeling FI will not want his step mother on the program at all to avoid hurting his mother's feelings.  TIA!
*Lauren*
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Re: Program Wording HELP!

  • Ms.BriarRoseMs.BriarRose
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Okay, first off, just so you know, ettiquette says to always list the woman/mother first.  So if MOG is Mrs. Jane Doe, she gets listed first.  Same with your parents, even if she is remarried.  Just an FYI; the nice thing about ettiquitte is that when your parents start to whine, you can say you are doing it by the book and it usually stops them right then (at least, that's what works for me, which is probably why I am such a stickler for it!).

    As for your FI's parents, if they are married, then she deserves to be listed- even if she isn't coming.  If they were only dating (which is the case with my dad and his gf, even though they have been together for over 12 years and we call her our stepmom), it would be a different story, but I would say yes, she goes on. 

    If she's married to his dad, in some way, even if it hasn't been much, she's had a part in raising him, and deserves to be recognized for it.

    Besides, ettiquette says that you list all spouses in the program (you don't have to list them all on the invitation if they don't want to be listed or if they are not contributing specific funds, which most contribute if they are married and have a joint account).  The program is the place to recognize those who have helped in any way, and having even a little bit of effect on raising him is contributing, IMHO.

    Hope that helps- you are getting sooooo close, Laur!  I can't wait to see pics from your special day :)

    ETA: I know how FI feels about not upsetting his mom; it's the same with me with my mom and the gf.  But at some point, and this may sound harsh, FI has to say to both of them you need to put aside your differences for me and my bride and be happy for us; we love you all, and do not want drama on our day.  Both mothers are adults, and need to act their age, even with bad blood.  I had to tell my mom that when I told her I was getting the gf a corsage; she's had a hand in raising, and is helping out especially on the day of (setting up the candy bar and other things).  I also think that the stepmom needs to show some support and come even if there is bad blood; like I said, they are adults and need to act like it, but I realize that there is probably more behind the scenes and that is ultimately her choice.  Either way, she should be recognized in a small way, and the program does that; it's not like he is saying something at the reception or getting her flowers, and FMIL needs to be a bit more understanding.  Just my thoughts on it all, though!
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  • Mrs.LuraTMrs.LuraT
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is how i worded my programs...

    Mrs. Carolyn M*******     Mother of the bride
    Mr. George M*******       Father of of the bride
    Mrs. Victoria W*****       Mother of the groom  unable to attend
    Mr. Robert T****             Father of the groom

    My in-laws are divorced adn my MIL is remarried.  I didn't list her husband in the programs as I don't really know him and my DH didn't think it necessary.  My MIL wasn't able to atten due to medical reasons (she can't fly and lives in CA), but I wanted to list her anyway, so I put in italics that she was unable to attend. 


    In all reality, the programs just get curled up and thrown out, so word them however you want to.
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