JR. Bridesmaids????

kymalibustacey · July 2012

Ok so my mother is driving me nuts to have my neices in the wedding. They are too old to be flowergirls, 14 and 12. What does everyone think about Jr Bridesmaides there would be no one walking them down.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:ffaa4a95-225d-4bea-b41e-764833b68c3e">JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so my mother is driving me nuts to have my neices in the wedding. They are too old to be flowergirls, 14 and 12. What does everyone think about Jr Bridesmaides there would be no one walking them down.
Posted by kymalibustacey[/QUOTE]

1) They're not too old to be flower girls unless they tell you they are. I've seen adult flower girls.

2) They wouldn't be junior bridesmaids, they'd just be bridesmaids. If they're performing the same duties as the adults (getting the dress, walking down the aisle, and standing respectfully for the ceremony, which are the only actual duties of a bridesmaid) but given a title that emphasizes that they're still children, they're going to be rightfully insulted. They can wear an age-appropriate version of the dress without needing a separate title.

3) They don't have to be paired up. They can walk down together or alone, or some of the groomsmen can escort more than one bridesmaid

MrsL2014 · July 2012

What I'm more worried about is why your mother is telling you that you need to have them in your wedding. Even if your parents are paying I feel that is one part they shouldn't get a say in. Unless they are really close to you or you want them in your wedding I would just tell your mom that you have picked who you want and that having them in there is not what you want. I also think it depends on how big your family is. I don't have nieces but I have a very big extended family and there is not room for everyone to be in the wedding party. But if you go with having them don't use the junior part. Again, kind of insulting.

zitiqueen · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:ffaa4a95-225d-4bea-b41e-764833b68c3e">JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so my mother is driving me nuts to have my neices in the wedding. They are too old to be flowergirls, 14 and 12. What does everyone think about Jr Bridesmaides there would be no one walking them down.
Posted by kymalibustacey[/QUOTE]

Are you referring to the others who will be escorted down the aisle as "senior bridesmaids"?

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:ffaa4a95-225d-4bea-b41e-764833b68c3e">JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so my mother is driving me nuts to have my neices in the wedding. They are too old to be flowergirls, 14 and 12. What does everyone think about Jr Bridesmaides there would be no one walking them down.
Posted by kymalibustacey[/QUOTE]

The term "junior" bridesmaid is common in my circle. Some kids don't care, some do hate that "junior" term. If you choose to have them as bridesmaids, ask them what they think. Either way, they don't have to be escorted by a groomsman. They can either walk solo or walk together.

More importantly, do YOU want them in your wedding? It's <em>your</em> bridal party, not your mom's.

getaclue44 · July 2012

When I asked my best friend's daughter to be in the wedding, she asked to be a junior bridesmaid. She will be 12 at the the time of the wedding and wanted a title all to her own. I don't think it is insulting and clearly neither did she. But to get back to OP original question--if you don't want them in the WP, then tell your mom know. My niece is going to be 2 and she is not in the BP and it isn't the end of the world.

dasni · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:a6f26b40-07e6-4d88-a408-4e1c5e7096de">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]When I asked my best friend's daughter to be in the wedding, she asked to be a junior bridesmaid. She will be 12 at the the time of the wedding and wanted a title all to her own. I don't think it is insulting and clearly neither did she. But to get back to OP original question--if you don't want them in the WP, then tell your mom know. My niece is going to be 2 and she is not in the BP and it isn't the end of the world.
Posted by jdandrea[/QUOTE]

This is basically what happened with my fiance's niece. She's 11, so I asked her if she would prefer to be a flower girl or a bridesmaid. She responded, "I want to be a junior bridesmaid." Well ok then.

BTW, the knot message boards is the only place that I have heard that "junior bridesmaid" is offensive.

kymalibustacey · July 2012

Agreed that this is the FIRST time I have heard that terms as offensive!!!!!

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:9f7fcecd-96f0-4d1b-9ddf-de8797f14ced">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]Agreed that this is the FIRST time I have heard that terms as offensive!!!!!
Posted by kymalibustacey[/QUOTE]
Same. It's not an offensive term in my circle and most younger girls expect that's what they'll be called. A regular bridesmaid just has to buy the dress and show up, really. Junior bridesmaids don't have the same "duties" (lack of a better term) than the bridesmaids because they can't pay for their own dresses, they have to get everything okayed through their parents and have to rely on others to make sure they get to the right place at the right time. That's all junior means. It's not condescending. If that were the case, then flower girls would be called bridesmaids. I mean, all they have to do is buy a dress and walk down the aisle, same as a bridesmaid.

stephie25 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:69315b43-f637-4a28-a31c-d9c7ac5f74d6">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: JR. Bridesmaids???? : Same. It's not an offensive term in my circle and most younger girls expect that's what they'll be called. A regular bridesmaid just has to buy the dress and show up, really. Junior bridesmaids don't have the same "duties" (lack of a better term) than the bridesmaids because they can't pay for their own dresses, they have to get everything okayed through their parents and have to rely on others to make sure they get to the right place at the right time. That's all junior means. It's not condescending. If that were the case, then flower girls would be called bridesmaids. I mean, all they have to do is buy a dress and walk down the aisle, same as a bridesmaid.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed! My fiance's 9 year old cousin was thrilled to be a junior bridesmaid. No one was offended, and The Knot message boards are the only place I've ever heard this was an offensive term. I know the only duties required of my bridesmaids is to buy the dress and stand with me, and I've told them all that. But they have all gone above and beyond to support me, offer to throw my shower and bachelorette, and be there with me every day. As much as I love my junior birdesmaid she is just too young to be involved in all of that, and that's all the junior title means. </div>

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

First, YOU need to decide if you would like them to be a part of your wedding. Why is your mother pressuring you to have them in it?

IF You decide you would like them in the wedding, I would ask them what they would like to do. Perhaps they don't want to be in it, or they might want to be flower girls, or they might want to be BMs. If they do not ask to be "junior" BMs, I would leave off the junior part. As a 14 year old, I would not like to be designated as "junior."

lb1212 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:ffaa4a95-225d-4bea-b41e-764833b68c3e">JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so my mother is driving me nuts to have my neices in the wedding. They are too old to be flowergirls, 14 and 12. What does everyone think about Jr Bridesmaides there would be no one walking them down.
Posted by kymalibustacey[/QUOTE]

I have Jr. Bridesmaids. They are 10 years old and were initially going to be flower girls. The florist is the one who suggested they be Jr. Bridesmaids. The other Bridesmaids are wearing strapless dresses and I was very happy we were able to find some cute Jr. Bridesmaids dresses that weren't too mature for them. The girls love their dresses!! They won't have escorts - they'll walk down together.

The bigger question is this - do YOU want them in the wedding? They could do other things like pass out programs or bubbles (or whatever you are doing for your get-a-way). They could even wear matching dresses in the color scheme.

zitiqueen · July 2012

I don't consider the label "junior" to be offensive, just unnecessary. Somebody tell me why it's necessary to single somebody out as being a junior just because of their age?

Again I ask -- and I've never once gotten a reply to this question -- are you referring to the rest of your BMs as "senior bridesmaids"? If not, why not? How is it any different?

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:73a12565-d552-41bd-af97-21b4980450f2">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'm 48, and I never heard of "junior" bridesmaids until I married my second husband (widowed once, divorced once prior) who was from Ohio. This was in the late 1990s. His relative had "junior" bridesmaids, and I wondered why the heck she called them that. <strong>Flower Girls aren't called bridesmaid because they have a different task.....carrying and strewing flowers in the bride's path.</strong>
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Bridesmaids carry flowers, too. Well, most of them do.
And not all flower girls are allowed to toss the petals, so they just carry them in a basket or hold a smaller bouqet or one of those... what are they called? The balls of flowers? Well, my point is, it's all flowers, so there is no real difference.

I just don't think it's a big deal what they're called, as long as they don't mind being called it.

roseofdeborah · July 2012

I just posted this for someone else, but when I was a "jr bridesmaid" back in my day I handed roses with another girl to the person at the end of every aisle going down the middle. I woudln't do it, but seems like a unique touch.

TARIUSERIC · July 2012

I think that will be fine I have two junior bridesmaid and one junior groomsmen he will walk them both down. I am not really sure if they have to have someone to walk them down. maybe you can get a usher to walk them down or let them walk dowbn on thier own then have someone to walk them out not really sure about this one. best of luck in what you decide to do

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:c15aca2c-eb9c-4d68-87bd-00791dd48d9d">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: JR. Bridesmaids???? : Bridesmaids carry flowers, too. Well, most of them do. And not all flower girls are allowed to toss the petals, so they just carry them in a basket or hold a smaller bouqet or one of those... what are they called? The balls of flowers? Well, my point is, it's all flowers, so there is no real difference. I just don't think it's a big deal what they're called, as long as they don't mind being called it.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

The flower girl often wears a dress that's very different (instead of just being a more age-appropriate version of the same dress), and usually doesn't stand for the duration of the ceremony. A lot of times, the FG/RB aren't part of the recessional. So yeah, it actually is a different role and merits a different title.

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:07f37b46-5b0b-4343-afe7-7338a9482024">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: JR. Bridesmaids???? : The flower girl often wears a dress that's very different (instead of just being a more age-appropriate version of the same dress), and usually doesn't stand for the duration of the ceremony. A lot of times, the FG/RB aren't part of the recessional. So yeah, it actually is a different role and merits a different title.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Flower girls wear dresses that are age appropriate for them, just like junior bridesmaids do.
Just because they sit down, THAT'S a difference? The bridesmaids at my friend's weddings sat down, too. No different than the flower girl.

You use words like "often," "usually,' "a lot of times," etc. Every wedding varies, of course.
If a flowergirl wears an age approriate dress, stands during the ceremony and is part of the recessional, then call her a bridesmaid. That would be how it should be, according to your logic because you said those are the differences. But, if the differences aren't there.... then should she still be called a flower girl?

Do you see what I'm getting at? Labels don't really mean much if there is "no difference." There are differences, though, even if they are small. There are differences between junior bridesmaids and bridesmaids, and they are just as minor as the differences between flower girls and bridesmaids. So, if we call flower girls and bridesmaids different things, what's the big deal about calling a junior bridesmaid and a bridesmaids different things?

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:c3341ba3-839e-46b7-aa4b-ba1177d678a0">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: JR. Bridesmaids???? : Flower girls wear dresses that are age appropriate for them, just like junior bridesmaids do. Just because they sit down, THAT'S a difference? The bridesmaids at my friend's weddings sat down, too. No different than the flower girl. You use words like "often," "usually,' "a lot of times," etc. Every wedding varies, of course. If a flowergirl wears an age approriate dress, stands during the ceremony and is part of the recessional, then call her a bridesmaid. That would be how it should be, according to your logic because you said those are the differences. But, if the differences aren't there.... then should she still be called a flower girl? Do you see what I'm getting at? Labels don't really mean much if there is "no difference." There are differences, though, even if they are small. There are differences between junior bridesmaids and bridesmaids, and they are just as minor as the differences between flower girls and bridesmaids. So, if we call flower girls and bridesmaids different things, what's the big deal about calling a junior bridesmaid and a bridesmaids different things?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Well, all of the titles in weddings are inconsistent and meaningless, so why call anyone anything?

At 14 years old, if I were doing exactly the same thing as the grownups, but still singled out for being a kid, I would have been pissed, and I would have resented it. It's a distinction that's entirely unnecessary.

dasni · July 2012

For christ's sake, who cares if they're called junior bridesmaids?! I hardly doubt anyone attending will give a second thought to whether or not it's offensive and if they are, they're probably a-holes.

zitiqueen · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:db217c98-f1bc-45e0-aaf7-75ed7ca6be2f">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]For christ's sake, who cares if they're called junior bridesmaids?! I hardly doubt anyone attending will give a second thought to whether or not it's offensive and if they are, they're probably a-holes.
Posted by dasni[/QUOTE]

You're right. There's nothing teenagers love more than to have it pointed out that they're on the same playing field as 10-year-olds.

TheSlowskys · July 2012

Dont have them in the wedding if you don't want. I see nothing wrong with calling them Jr bridesmaids it is pretty common where I'm from. EVERYONE on the knot thinks its a huge deal but it isn't. They are children, not adults, and they aren't here on the knot psychoanalyzing every detail of your wedding for etiquette and places where they can feel slighted. I'd probably put the cut off for Jr at 15 or so. And by calling them bridesmaids I would feel like the other bridesmaids would have to include them in the bachelorette... And I wouldn't want a 12 and 14 yr old at my bachelorette.

dasni · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:54706dd0-f3c3-4da6-9cbc-c0afd5c8e9ca">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: JR. Bridesmaids???? : You're right. There's nothing teenagers love more than to have it pointed out that they're on the same playing field as 10-year-olds.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

I hardly doubt a 12 year old would give it much thought.

Simply Fated · July 2012

aerin... "Well, all of the titles in weddings are inconsistent and meaningless, so why call anyone anything? At 14 years old, if I were doing exactly the same thing as the grownups, but still singled out for being a kid, I would have been pissed, and I would have resented it. It's a distinction that's entirely unnecessary." You completely missed my point, but that's okay. : To repeat what I said earlier, the junior bridesmaids don't do all the same things as the bridesmaids do. They just don't. It's not a big deal what you call them, as long as they don't mind.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:2e8e71c4-ad9d-410f-a090-c654d0d47c54">Re:JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]aerin... "Well, all of the titles in weddings are inconsistent and meaningless, so why call anyone anything? At 14 years old, if I were doing exactly the same thing as the grownups, but still singled out for being a kid, I would have been pissed, and I would have resented it. It's a distinction that's entirely unnecessary." You completely missed my point, but that's okay. : To repeat what I said earlier, the junior bridesmaids don't do all the same things as the bridesmaids do. They just don't. It's not a big deal what you call them, <strong>as long as they don't mind</strong>.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>We constantly say that the minimum a bridesmaid has to do is get the dress, walk down the aisle, and stand respectfully for the ceremony. Should adult bridesmaids who don't do more than that get a different title too?</div><div>
</div><div>The bolded part is the key. A lot of girls <em>would</em> mind, even if they don't say anything. It seems best to err on the side of courtesy, and courtesy here is not singling them out for their age.</div>

alishaloo · July 2012

ok Brde with 8 JR Bridesmaids here.
Normally I am like oh its your wedding here is my opinion in re:
however this time I am saying let me tell you what is up.

It is your wedding you can chose who can be what. Be it ring security to ring girls to jr bridemaids. You decide what you need.

My personal story.- As little girl I was never a flower girl and it sucked. As a teenager I was never a bridemaid and it sucked. I wanted to be included. I'm an only child so when its not aout me I have issues.

Now that I am a bride and it IS about me - I don' want any litle girls feeling left out.
I am a nanny and have 2 girls a 7 and 10 year old for the family I nanny. They wanted to be flower girls. But I already asked the 3 girls I used to baby sit and I saw 5 as crazy.

Then I got the thought ( didn't even know about JRs before- happy to find out others did it),'

They loved the idea- and for theire age its more exciting to be a Jr BRIDEMAID then a flower girl!

So I asked them 2 of my cousins and 4 of his cosins all between 6-14.

They are each going to get 1 special job and get theire own dress. the dresses wll not all match they just have to be blue silver or purple ( my colors) The only thing they doin the ceremony is walk out right before me - say "pleae stand for the bride" nd throw a hand ful of flowers that I get to wak through!
Its exciting! THey are happy and they get to be included!

Everyone wins!

Vrichie · July 2012

The fun thing I'm finding about planning our wedding is I'm figuring out it's our day and we can do whatever we want. I've seen a lot of people having lop sided numbers in their wedding parties, or 4 flower girls, no ring bearer, whatever!

With that being said I think you can incorporate them into your big day how ever you want. I am having 4 of my fiances cousins as bridesmaids in additon to the 6 older maids. Their ages are7-15 and since there isn't any young gentlemen to pair them up with I'm going to have them walk down the aisle by themselves, ahead of the paired up maids and groomsmen.

If you don't want them as flower girls or maids you could have them do a special reading or walk down a flower arrangement or some kind of other special ceremony?

Vrichie · July 2012

Also going along with what PP said the 4 girls in our wedding party were SO excited to be bridesmaids! They have their dresses ordered (cohesive with the older bridesmaids) dresses and their hair appointments scheduled.

kymalibustacey · July 2012

Wow! I really didn't think i would get this type of responce to my question...LOL

I thought they could do the guest book but my mom wants them to do more. My mom and I have very different ideas. Roy and I are very down to earth and well just country folks really. My mom is much more old fashion and traditional. That's the problem I'm having....

She is freaking out because I said after the ceremony I wanted to put on my cowboy boots. I don't even know how she is going to take the thought of my bridesmaids wearing them, but that was my sister's idea because there is a depate over the length of the dresses because one of my maids has a disablity and doesn't like people to see her feet and she sometimes has to wear braces, the boot will cover them for her

I'm not a bridezilla I have a momzilla! he he he I do love her with all my heart!!!!

Any sugestions for what my nieces could do would help.

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jr-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c75b5bc4-35b7-4e3b-a3b6-61527ca353f1Post:27a1e103-fe45-41d9-a988-e74c0e4ff70d">Re: JR. Bridesmaids????</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow! I really didn't think i would get this type of responce to my question...LOL I thought they could do the guest book but my mom wants them to do more. My mom and I have very different ideas. Roy and I are very down to earth and well just country folks really. My mom is much more old fashion and traditional. That's the problem I'm having.... She is freaking out because I said after the ceremony I wanted to put on my cowboy boots. I don't even know how she is going to take the thought of my bridesmaids wearing them, but that was my sister's idea because there is a depate over the length of the dresses because one of my maids has a disablity and doesn't like people to see her feet and she sometimes has to wear braces, the boot will cover them for her I'm not a bridezilla I have a momzilla! he he he I do love her with all my heart!!!! Any sugestions for what my nieces could do would help.
Posted by kymalibustacey[/QUOTE]

I'd skip the guest book attendant job. That is not a fun thing for anyone to do lol.

Are they shy? If not maybe they could do a reading during the ceremony?
Maybe they'd like something smaller to do, like be ushers or hand out programs?

JR. Bridesmaids????

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