Bridesmaids troubles...suggestions?

Snuggles89 · April 2010

Hi girls,

I'm hoping some of you can give me some input on this issue. My best friend will be my MOH, and my second best girlfriend a BM. I was only going to have one other BM on top of this but here is the problem:

My FI has one biological sister close to my age, and two half sisters who are about ten years older, married with kids, who are as good as biological to him. I am close to all of them and would love to have them involved. The problem being, I was trying to avoid a crowded bridal party and would prefer only to have a MOH and two BMs.

Has anyone had a similar issue? My FI says I should just invite his youngest sister because the other sisters have been to their fare share of weddings, and would have to look after their kids at the wedding anyways.

I just don't want to hurt any of their feelings by excluding some, since I love them all!
I'd love to hear your opinions, any help is appreciated!

nefariousmango · April 2010

I think you should include your FI's sisters in the wedding party. Just good etiquette, plus they'll probably be very honored and it's nice to honor the people you love. You might just ask the youngest to be a bridesmaid, and then ask the older two if their kids would be your flower girls and boys or what-not. If they have kids and are a lot older, they'll probably enjoy having their kids be a part of it more than if they were bridesmaids themselves.

I also really wanted a small bridal party, just my little sister and my very closest friend, but in the end I was talked into inviting FI's sister and my cousin, who is like a sister to me. With the size completely overboard and all four living overseas, I also asked my two closest local friends. The end result- I LOVE having an oversize bridal party! Everyone is great and it's fun to have a wide variety of people.

Our friends who got married last summer both have older siblings with kids, eight nieces and nephews under the age of 6 in total. They had a flock of flower girls and flower boys and it was the cutest thing ever! The kids wandered down the aisle... and right past the alter... it was seriously the highlight of our summer, it was just so precious!

lildevi15 · April 2010

How big is your wedding? If it's a larger wedding, I don't see a problem, if you feel okay with it (especially asking the younger sister). If it's a small wedding, I can understand wanting a small bridal party, and I'm sure they'd understand "it's a small wedding of 50 people, of course she only has 3 bm." You can also do nontraditional things like have them stand up on his side (if you don't mind uneven sides and are worried about the size of your side). Or you can have them read or sing during the ceremony (if one happens to be a singer) or ask one of the kids to be a flower girl or bridesmaid (like above).

whitneykaye87 · April 2010

Why doesn't he ask them to be groomswomen? Or you could inolve them in the wedding some other way. Or you could leave them out of the wedding and just have 1 MOH and 1 BM (which is what I have and I love it).

Which ever way you go, don't include some but not the others. That's how feelings get hurt. People understand if you only want your good friends/your family up there with you, but they normally aren't so understanding when you choose only one person from a close group.

littlemoments324 · April 2010

There are many ways to include the other sisters. They each could do a reading during the ceremony or they could both be a hostess.

Like your FI said, they have been in or to their fair share of weddings, so I am sure they wouldn't be hurt, however, I would include them in something during the wedding!

I agree with what someone said, how old are the nieces and nephews? You could make them the flower girls and ring bearers!

Snuggles89 · April 2010

thanks guys! we already decided to have the nieces and nephews as FGs and RBs, so the older sisters will be happy with that. But I agree, that inviting only one of the sisters to be a BM would be hurtful, no matter how much they say it wouldn't offend them

Blue_Bird · April 2010

I don't think any of these women expect to be your bridesmaids. If your fiance wants them in the bridal party, he should have the stand on his side. If he has few people on his side, I doubt it will be crowded. Even if they stand on your side, I don't think that's too many unless your ceremony site is tiny. Other than that, I thik that having one of them do a reading or have another important job at the wedding would be great. It's also fine to just have them as guests. After all, it isn't a test of your friendship. It's a wedding. It's about you and your fiance. Not to sound cold, but anyone who is going to cry or throw a tantrum about not being chosen, especially if they are not best friends, shouldn't be considered anyway.

Bridesmaids troubles...suggestions?

Re: Bridesmaids troubles...suggestions?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards