Grief from uninvited guests

christinapayne · February 2010

Ok, so I am getting a lot of dirty looks and questions from uninvited guests--specifically from my church. I have had 3 people ask me about the wedding, hinting that they would like to be invited. I am politely telling everyone that it is going to be a relatively small wedding, and about 85% are family. Also, just because I smile at you in church, does not mean I have invite you to my wedding. I would love to invite everyone I know, but it's not in the budget.

And to top it all off, an invited guest asked if her daughter's boyfriend could attend. Really? If you would like to pay $56 for him to attend, be my guest.

Has anyone else had this experience? How did you/are you handling it?

pinkpanther_truck · February 2010

Oh yes, girl! I got it from old college running buddies, cousins that I haven't spoken to since middle school, co-workers, frat/sorors, etc, etc, etc. But I like you cannot invite everyone I've ever known to this wedding. Honestly, I've just taken the grief. I'm not backing down because I refuse to start off my marriage in debt. Stand your ground on the invites.

As for the additional guests, I've gotten this too. You may want to just be up front with them and let them know that although you would love to, you simply cannot add any more guests. Maybe you can tell them, that you will consider adding, if other guests decline your invitation.

Here's an alternative:
When one of our friends got married, they had the same delimma. So they actually hosted a celebration night out so that they could spend time with everyone in commemoration of their wedding. And they were totally up front about their reasons for doing so. The conversation went something like "We are unable to invite everyone we would like to the wedding, but we want to share this time with as many of our loved ones as possible so we're having dinner and going dancing and would love for you to join us."

brobin01 · February 2010

Oh please. I have no problem telling people they can come to the wedding at the church, however my reception is private. I don't care what kind of look they give me, unless they have the funds to hand over money per plate.

winter443 · February 2010

What is wrong with people???? Do they not realize how much we have to pay per person at the reception??? Why did someone I went to high school say, "don't forget to send me an invite" on facebook and I haven't spoken to her since high school, and even in high school we didn't talk like that! And no, my wedding WILL NOT be the freakin family reunion, I'll see you at the actual one!

YasJas2011 · February 2010

People kill me with this! THIS is the main reason why our wedding is not going to be at either of our home towns! We are not feeding all those people! It is a destination wedding in ATL. So if you really love us and want to be there, you will be there. Cut out on a lot of stranglers! HA HA!!!

desi2002 · February 2010

not yet, but I know if you have a wedding at your home church, everybody that goes there want to come to the wedding. My budget allows for 80 people @ $18 a plate, but Im thinking about cutting that to 50 people cause a lot of those people don't even know my husband. I think that the most important family and friends are the ones that actually call and visit.

christinapayne · February 2010

it's not even at our home church! my pastor announced it to the entire church (without our permission) so now everyone thinks they are supposed to be invited. we are having it at a location on the other side of town--nowhere near our church. so, the ones who we are close to and spend time with outside of just saying hi in church, are invited. i feel bad, but we are already about 50 people over the guest list and about $3000 over budget.

csuperstar02 · February 2010

Definitely feel your pain! I had a lady who told my mom that she remembered me in a fashion show as a bride (at least 15 years ago - probably more!) and that she heard I was getting married and even if she didn't get an invitation she was going to that wedding!

WTF lady?

LOL at Winter! I had the same thing from a few classmates on FB. Darlings I didn't even go to the reunion, so why do you think I'd really want to pay for you to come be around me?!?!?

tamtam7 · February 2010

I feel your pain. My grandmother keeps running into people at church, at the grocery store, where ever, and one lady, who is cool, and I like her, but she's a family friend, and I really had not considered inviting her said, well, she better invite me to her wedding, and I'm thinking REALLY?! We haven't talked in ages. Who the heck do you think you are to say, "I better" invite you. I did kinda fall into the pressure of it all, though, 'cause I'm a sucker. And I called her mom and asked for her address and her mom's address, but now I realize that I can't really invite them at all. I simply don't have the space or the money. So they may have to be pissed at me. I'm like you, I want to invite everyone, but I can't

tamtam7 · February 2010

Oh! But to respond to your question. I just had to tell people straight up. I just can't invite you. I would love to have you there, but there is just not enough space at my venue. And I'm just going to have to have a bunch of pissed off people.

kkidd28 · February 2010

I've had alot of people say they can't wait to come to my wedding, and they weren't even on my guest list. What I've decided to do is have cake & finger foods immediately following the ceremony at the church - maybe like an hour? Then the main reception will be private - mostly family and the bridal party. That way I won't have to cut anyone out.

star135 · February 2010

I went to FI home town a few weeks ago and people in his family were coming up to me saying "We might not be able to make it to Atlanta in May for the wedding..." I was thinking to myself GOOD! Cuz you weren't invited anyways! People are so bold! Yes I agree, they clearly do not realize they we have to pay for everything, from the seat that they sit in to the food they eat.

kimmy.kori · February 2010

We pretty much continued to reinerate that we were doing SMALL and INTIMATE and that we were limited to the amount of guests we were having.

Grief from uninvited guests

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