Can I ask girls who aren't bridesmaids to help?

Re: Can I ask girls who aren't bridesmaids to help?

• JanoBean75

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  Tell them you have your bridesmaids picked already so they don't assume they are by you asking them for bridal help.
  
  Not to sound like a biitch, but do you really need help picking out colors? Seems like a personal choice to me. I personally don't feel being a bridesmaid means helping the bride actually plan the wedding. That's up to you, your FI and/or whoever is paying.
  
  That said, if your friends understand that they are not bridesmaids but still want to help, accept their help as they offer if. No need to feel guilty once you tell them you've already chosen your bridal party.
  

  9.17.2010
  planning
  
  

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• Cosmocity

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  I don't know that I "need" help, I just want extra input. My fiance really doesn't care about the colors. He wants quality food, a nice bar set-up and cake. The rest is up to me I would rather have friends come and share the joy rather than me doing all these things alone, and believe me, my fiance is not the least bit upset I'm not dragging him out for this stuff LOL
  
  And I'd like to add I do not feel a friend or bridesmaid is obligated to anything either. I would just assume as a friend or bridesmaid, since we hang out anyway, that I can get their input. They are so happy for me and I just assumed we  could go out and look at wedding stuff and celebrate together since they haven't see me since the engagement...
    Is that unusual? Do brides usually not get their friends input on stuff? I don't know what the standard for this is LOL
  

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• JanoBean75

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  My FI originally said, "just tell me when and where." I had picked colors and told him about them and he was pretty okay with it, but then he thought about it and didn't like it at all. LOL! Now, he's totally involved. Haha, will that work on yours?
  
  One place to check for color combinations that some people might not think about is the paint department at Home Depot. Behr has all these brochures and booklets that show some really pretty combinations. Look at invitation books at the stationery store for ideas as well.
  
  With your friends, they should be told before you involve them further that they aren't BMs, otherwise there may be some hurt feelings.
  

  9.17.2010
  planning
  
  

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• LauraT25

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  I do think you need to let them know you already have bridesmaids, because they may have assumed that they are in the WP.  You should tell them sooner, to avoid hurt feelings.
  
  You can, however, ask them if they would like to accompany you places.  I have had a few friends volunteer to help with making favors, and I asked two friends if they wanted to come along when I tried on wedding dresses.  There was no confusion about whether they were bridesmaids, they really did just want to be involved.  Of course, if they DON'T want to come to Michael's with you, you just have to let that go!
  

  
  

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• blondeintgeragrl

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  I talk to my non-bridesmaid friends more than my bridal party.  The people close to me in my bridal party either have small children or crazy lifes so its just hard to chit chat about stuff like that. I spend most of my girl talk time with two girls from work. So we talk about a lot of wedding stuff and other girlie things and they know they are not in the party (and have no issue, they are always sending me things without me asking them).
  When it comes to appointments and such, I leave that to me, fiance, and bridal party.
  

  Married - 5.21.2011
  http://shouldaranfaster.blogspot.com/

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• Ginabean2011

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  Sure you can ask them, like maybe as a fun activity for you guys to do together or a way to hang out. If they know they aren't going to be a bridesmaid then I don't see any problem with asking them. But keep in mind that these things might not sound like much fun to some people so don't be offending if they don't want to. On the other hand, some people just love to do anything wedding related, even if it's not their wedding.

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• kimbrout

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  I think it's ok to ask them to come on Michael's runs, etc, so long as you are asking them to do other things with you as well!  Like grab a bite to eat, see a movie, etc.  I know in your note you said that you see these friends infrequently so make sure that you focus on your friendship in addition to doing wedding-related activities.
  
  Just a word of helpful advice   I'm not saying that YOU are doing this - but sometimes the wedding gets so exciting that it's all that gets talked about amongst friends and SOME friends may get tired of hearing about it.  I don't know you or your circle, but just make sure that you don't let the wedding take over because you are so excited about it.  You were friends before the wedding came along and will be friends long after. Don't let the wedding monster take over!

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• Cosmocity

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_maryland-baltimore_can-ask-girls-arent-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:85Discussion:4d27983c-a85f-494a-985e-9502e485138cPost:1b427fef-cd0b-445d-9ceb-6332c0589381">Re: Can I ask girls who aren't bridesmaids to help?</a>:
  [QUOTE]I think it's ok to ask them to come on Michael's runs, etc, so long as you are asking them to do other things with you as well!  Like grab a bite to eat, see a movie, etc.  I
  Posted by kimbrout[/QUOTE]
  Absolutely! :) Makes sense. I plan to do a starbucks run at barnes and noble too since thats "our" thing

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