FMIL

[Deleted User] · December 2011

Is anyone else's future mother in law making everything stressful? I just want to cancel everything, no matter what we are planning there is always issues. She is talking about the RD and wants to get it booked now, I emailed her a list of who to invite "as of then" months ago but we hadn't added all of our bridal party and our reader. Today she comes over and tells us where she wants to have it and that she is only inviting the people on the list that we sent over 5 months ago as a "as of now" list to give her an estimate. There are four people that need to be added, my aunt and uncle will be reading and two dates for the groomsmen. But she is saying I don't care we are not adding anyone else on sorry... that's what is within our budget. I said well we will talk about it but we went over budget to add all of your friends in for the wedding.... URGH

[Deleted User] · December 2011

She is paying for the RD. But not for the wedding. She added about 20 of her friends to the guest list and we added them because she made a huge deal about it. So we are over the amount that we would like to have to the wedding. For our RD, we have just our bridal party and parents and readers and SO.

Ajoyd · December 2011

Adding 20 people to your wedding guest list is huge. If she continues to refuse to add more people your FI should talk to her. If she truly can't afford to add more people she can always look at less expensive venues. If she continues to refuse just tell her you and FI will pay for the extra guests. I am blessed with a very low key FMIL. Sorry yours is being such a pain. But if it makes you feel any better, FI's sister is totally high maintenance and likely to make my life crazy

nessaalwayz · December 2011

I know how you feel! My FMIL has been a little bit of a pain. I kind of expected it from the beginning because that's how she is with everything in life, but it's ridiculous some of the things she has done and said during the wedding process (& I havent even been planning for that long)!

For instance she asked FI to text me and find out what size bra I wear because she wanted to buy me a good bra!!! I thought that was going just a TAD overboard. I'm very much capable of buying my own bras!!!!

She also made fun of another bride's dress when we went dress shopping. She actually told the poor girl who was trying on a dress (and seemed to like it a lot) that her dress was making her sick! OMG I was speechless!

But anyway, the only advice I can offer is talk to FI - this has helped a little with me... venting to him and my bridesmaids allows me to not get into it with her.

As far as your situation, I think you are right - if those people are in the wedding party, they need to be at the rehearsal - it's not like you want to invite random people... talk to FI and see if he can smooth things over.

Good luck!

LGM22 · December 2011

My FMIL asked us if we would elope at our "yay you're engaged" dinner with his immediate family. Later that night we ended up having a sit down discussion with his family to hash out other issues and I told her to never say that to me again - she didn't realize how much it upset me. FI had preempted and I guess during FSIL's wedding FMIL and FI's passed Father made several elopement remarks. FMIL doesn't like weddings so she's not really excited for ours. She;s much more about the baby FSIL is having. She's giving us the same amount of money she and the late father gave FSIL for her wedding and doesn't care how it's spent. We give her details and I asked her if she wanted to come to my "meet the dress" appointment and she said yes. Otherwise she hasn't really been involved one way or another so I guess we're ok. She did get a little worried when she went to a cousin's wedding and groom's parents hosted the OOT guests at a fancy gathering. She asked FI if she would have to do that, because what she's giving moneywise is all we're getting. He assured her that's all she's expected for.

I'm so sorry you ladies have had such bad luck! I know In-laws (or Future in laws) can be a roll of the dice. Weddings are supposed to be a happy experience - why are they so stressful!!?

sunnirain · December 2011

At least you're all getting some support. My FMiL thinks weddings just happen. She didn't support her daughter, she's not supporting ours. No RD, no input, nothing.

owengirl996 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:b88b2e7f-d274-4a9e-8fda-ccbc6207c5e2Post:e7b9c83f-64ac-4443-8eb7-34c6f8e0ac80">Re: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>At least you're all getting some support.</strong> My FMiL thinks weddings just happen. She didn't support her daughter, she's not supporting ours. <strong>No RD, no input, nothing.</strong>
Posted by sunnirain[/QUOTE]

This. I've tried to include her, but she's just not excited about anything, from what I can tell. They've also offered no financial help, but that doesn't bother me that much because I know they can't really afford it, and we are asking them to somehow make their way out to Indiana for the actual wedding, as well as a place to stay. I'd still like her to be more interested, though!

Anyway, I agree, I'd just offer to pay for the extra guests. I can totally understand your frustration, but rather than fight with her over it, I'd just pay for the four extra guests. We'll be paying for everyone for our RD...including their SOs and kids! That's one expense I'm dreading!

FMIL

Re: FMIL

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